The Burger Kingdom is Your Destiny

The crown is not safe in the hands of the next potential employee.

READY FOR THE FAST-PACED EXCITING WORLD OF FAST FOOD? BURGER KING IS LOOKING FOR NEW TALENT! FILL OUT THIS APPLICATION TO GET STARTED RIGHT AWAY!

Section One: Personal Information

NAME: Copernicus Thunderbird, Homeless Lunatic Wizard

Burger King with two ladiesBORN ON: A misty mountain top, in the Age of Dragons

ADDRESS: What part of homeless lunatic wizard do you not understand?

SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER: Nice try, Special Agent Diego

HOME PHONE: Ham radio

CELL PHONE: Telepathy

Section Two: Background Information

1. ARE YOU A U.S. CITIZEN?

I am neither an underground Satanist nor a universal spaceman. Is that bad? I don't know what you assholes want me to say.

2. DO YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL CONDITIONS OR DISABILITIES?

I'm allergic to silver and I black out during full moons. Why, is that normal? I've never seen a doctor about it. Are you a doctor? Can you cure my syphilis? Why do I get headaches every time the dog tells me to kill someone? Why does my face itch?

3. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED IN A COURT OF LAW?

Yeah, like, a thousand times.

4. IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO NUMBER 3, WAS IT A FELONY?

Hell yes. And I'm a sex offender and a Nazi war criminal. Top that.

5. WHAT IS YOUR HIGHEST COMPLETED LEVEL OF EDUCATION?

I studied algebraic necromancy and applied alchemy at Harvard. I never received my degree on account of a technicality. They claim I never attended, but just dreamt up the entire semester. Well if it was all a dream, how did I learn how to turn lead paint into crack?

6. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY?

I was in the Salvation Army for three weeks in 1998, during which time I rose to the self-appointed rank of Pentagon Warlord Rocketmaster. I was a hero in the second Vietnam War, even though I was dishonorably discharged, beaten, and arrested for napalming some villages that apparently weren't aware that there was another war going on. Which is bullshit, if you ask me.

Burger King Vegetable City

Section Three: Burger King and You

1. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU SEEKING?

I've come to claim the crown.

2. PLEASE LIST ANY RELEVANT JOB SKILLS AND PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE.

This one time I got drunk and punched a lion in the mouth.

3. REASON FOR LEAVING LAST PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT?

Forced to leave Canada over some bullshit with the Ministry of something or another.

4. WHAT ARE YOUR REASONS FOR APPLYING FOR THIS JOB?

I intend to usurp the throne of that plastic-faced king of yours. He's old and weak. He doesn't stand a chance against the clown and his purple beast. You have enemies everywhere, Burger King. Watch your back.

Burger King getting out of a limo
I'm the guy in the tie. I'M EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK.

5. IF HIRED, HOW WOULD YOU STRIVE TO MAKE EVERY DAY FUN, SAFE, EFFICIENT, AND PRODUCTIVE?

First I'd kill off three fry cooks at random. Then I'd dig a moat around the castle and fill it with boiling oil. Got a problem with that?

6. HOW WELL DO YOU GET ALONG WITH OTHERS?

They'll do what I tell them or they'll die in the moat.

7. HOW DO YOU HANDLE STRESS?

I will kill you with dragons.

8. DO YOU TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM PERSONALLY?

Fuck you.

9. WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS HARD-WORKING?

Gimme a dollar.

10. ARE YOU A FAST LEARNER?

Gimme a dollar.

11. ARE YOU GOOD AT FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS?

Gimme a dollar.

12. WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO TURN A FROWN UPSIDE-DOWN?

Evil Grimace purpFuck you, gimme a dollar. In fact, I'm just going to come and rob you. Your kingdom will be in flames by nightfall. I will murder you with your own spatula. You hear me, Burger King?! You think I forgot about the time you stole my bike when we were twelve?! You think I don't know what you did with my girlfriend in the tenth grade?! You think you're better than me because you live in a castle?! Well fuck you, fuck Sally, and fuck everyone at that party that cheered you guys on and took pictures. I will destroy your world with my rage.

I hate you, Burger King. I hate you so much. You ruined my life. I blame you for everything. I eat out of your dumpster. Your trash sucks.

But seriously, gimme a dollar.



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Andrei Trostel's picture

O.k. that's weird. Do you know how close I came to using that first Burger King picture in my next up and coming article? I have no real way of measuring it, but it was close...like THIS close! (Where "THIS" represents something really close)

In the end I went with a different one, because ultimately I felt the women were too distracting.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I liked this, it's a nice addition to the Copernicus Thunderbird, Homeless Lunatic Wizard series.

(I feel like I should clarify that the "this" in the last sentence was the traditional one and not the really close one.)

GE's picture

It's as though you used the same search criteria on the same search engine. What are the chances?

Andrei Trostel's picture

Slim actually since the day before his article came out was probably the only time in my life that I've searched for a picture of the Burger King and there are a shit ton of pictures to choose from. What are the chances you think before you type?

:P

GE's picture

You both searched "the Burger King" around the same day and were attracted to the one with hot chicks in it. That seems highly probable. There are four tits in it. When I google "the burger king" just now, it was the thirteenth image to show up. It was the first image of the Burger King with several hot chicks and the first one to show any cleavage. What are the chances that you'll respond with some sort of cop-out self defense?

Andrei Trostel's picture

You're REALLY reaching here Weijore aren't you? As I've already pointed out, the fact that we both searched for an imagine of The Burger King around the same day is a big enough coincidence in itself. Maybe you think that is highly probable because you search for his image daily for some unknown reason (and frankly I don't want to know the reason. Keep your weird fetishes to yourself).

However, since you are really pushing the point SO hard, I guess I now have to demonstrate HOW MUCH you are really trying to "orchestrate" your point.

Searching "the Burger King" produces the following images with hot chicks in it:

http://theburgerboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Burger-King-Beach.jpg

http://cdn.guyism.com/wp-content/uploads/burger_king_brooke1.jpg
(You'll notice that BOTH of those images come up BEFORE the one in this article AND the girl is actually topless in a bikini with her ass showing.)

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/02/09/business/10feed.600.jpg
(Then there is this one with two cheerleaders showing even MORE skin than the one used in this article.)

http://theburgerboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/Burger-King-The-King1...
(Yup, these girls are both hot too)

This is getting painful Weijore...

http://adweek.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/kingbreakup_1.jpg
(Hot girl on a boat)

http://guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/king-2.jpg
(This image has FOUR hot women with the guy easily spliced out and the woman on the right moved even closer to him...about 30 seconds in photoshop)

http://www.jimhillmedia.com/mb/images/upload/burger-babes-and-king-web.j...
(More hot women)

Honestly Weijore, I don't know why you do this to yourself...

http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/sioncampus/05/15/sterger.yearend/p1_sterger.j...
(Again 30 seconds of photoshop to change to the actual Burger King head)

http://guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/burger-kind1.jpg
(Three hot women with the guys in all black on black backgrounds. 15 seconds of photoshop to erase them)

http://funnypicsofanything.com/upload/3002-6096/background-burger-king.j...
(More women in bikinis)

I think I've made my point.

Weijore, don't try so hard to orchestrate the humor and maybe you won't find yourself actually ending up the joke.

What are the chances that you'll actually STILL push the point when you are so far buried under it? Since it is you, I'm guessing the chances are actually REALLY high...unlike the chances that two people would choose to use The Burger King in an article, around the same time, on the same website, using the same picture.

GE's picture

I think you've proven my points sufficiently. You are both wrong and unable to deal with that reality. Fuck yourself.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Haha Oh well done Weijore. Just simply stating that I'm wrong, not providing any further evidence and then ending it by telling me to fuck myself is always a good way to show without a doubt that you've been completely defeated in a debate and simply don't know what else to do.

That's a shame really.

:P

GE's picture

I thought the shame was getting into arguments with people that clearly don't get it.

Since you clearly don't get it, I've stopped arguing the finer points of your error filled argument because I simply don't give a shit whether you believe me. You've made enough errors that the thought of systematically rubbing each one of your idiotic points in your stupid face like you're a dumb drooling ass sniffing dog who dumped on the white couch isn't gratifying enough, or needed enough, to take part in.

You're aren't my dumb bitch, so, I don't have to deal with ensuring you don't dump on the couch. In fact, if I did comment back a perfect dissection of your points, you'd only return the favor by pissing on my rug.

Good day.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Haha! Yes clearly you don't give a shit.

Funny how this comment was exactly the same as your last one.

"You're wrong (with no points, only insults)."

At least it was more colorful and entertaining to read than the previous one, which is always nice when you are still debating with someone who has actually completely given up.

Good day.
(of course we both know you'll reply).

;)

GE's picture

I said good day.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yup, there's that reply.
You know there was a part of me that actually thought you might be able to resist it.
Haha Silly me.
Thanks for not letting me down Weijore.
;)

GE's picture

Hey, I'm always down for being dependable, regardless of implication.

Andrei Trostel's picture

So much for the whole (oh so convincing) "Good day" I'm done and out of here thing.
Just out of curiosity, how's that "not giving a shit" part going for you?

:P

GE's picture

I'm a commentator. I only care about responding.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Then you probably shouldn't end comments with "Good day" and "I said good day" because you're mine...trapped here...FOREVER!
JUST THE WAY I WANTED IT!
I WIN!
AGAIN!
WHY WILL YOU PEOPLE NEVER LEARN?!
IT'S WHAT I DO!
YOU START WITH ME?! YOU WILL REGRET IT!
YOU WILL END UP TANGLED UP IN SOMETHING YOU'LL WISH YOU NEVER STARTED!

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

:P

GE's picture

Is this like the "last clap" competition, minus chlamydia?

Andrei Trostel's picture

I've always wondered how small these boxes get and now thanks to your inability to "not give a shit", I'll finally get to find out! Thanks for that Weijore!

:P

GE's picture

I still don't care what you believe because you're more than kinda crazy.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Again, Yes...clearly you don't care.
You've done an awesome job of proving that.
Getting smaller!
YEAY!

:P

Mike Lamb's picture

I'm just gonna go for the smallest box since I no longer know what the hell you guys are talking about and I have no idea what I'm even specifically replying to. Here's the short version:

Andrei: Wow, a coincidence.

Weimer: Yeah. Sarcasm.

Andrei: No, seriously.

Weimer: Your coincidence does not meet the requirements.

Andrei: I have proof of coincidence.

Weimer: I will bore your proof to death until it bursts into flames.

Andrei: I also enjoy long winded rants about nonsense.

Weimer: Yes, but my rants are far more confusing. That makes them smarter.

Andrei: Even when you're wrong?

Weimer: Especially when I'm wrong!

Andrei: I win.

Weimer: No, I win.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yeah that seems about right.
Mike, I'm glad you're on board with the quest for the smallest box.
I've been searching for the smallest box for years!
Wait, that sounds...not only dirty, but kind of creepy.
I assure you, that isn't what I meant and the fact that it sounds dirty/creepy is just a...
(Say it with me people)

COINCIDENCE!

:P

GE's picture

You forgot the part when Andrei tried to steal a common domain phrase.

Andrei Trostel's picture

OH YEAH, THIS BOX CAN"T HOLD ME! IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!

Hey, anyone notice that the "edit, reply, link" text is starting to stack on top of each other?!

I suspect/predict that the comment text will start to print outside of the box while shattering the space-time continuum.

Weijore, with the infinity of time shattered, what will happen to coincidence?!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WEIJORE?!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

WILL COINCIDENCE EXIST?!

WILL IT CEASE TO EXIST?!

WILL YOU BECOME FUNNY IN THIS COMMENT THREAD?!

DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER....MASS HYSTERIA!

:P

GE's picture

clap

Andrei Trostel's picture

I'm out!
I'm out of the box!
I've broken free!
Weijore, quick...say something.
I want to see if shattering the space-time continuum made you funny!

:P

GE's picture

What's the best contraceptive for young people? Premature ejaculation.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Shit, Nope...didn't work.
But wait, the text has now escaped!
Maybe it is an additive thing. Say something again Weijore! DANCE MONKEY DANCE!
Hey...what happens when we keep shrinking the white part?
If we keep shrinking it, does it eventually disappear, just become a straight line, or does it collapse in on itself? Maybe it will split an atom, killing us all and finally releasing us from this insanity?

:P

Mike Lamb's picture

It's like I'm falling down a well. Which circle of Hell is this? 8th? 9th? I've lost count. Tunnel...so tiny. Can't breathe. Weimer...still not funny.

Andrei Trostel's picture

This is like that distance cut in half to infinity question: If you shoot an arrow at a tree, the arrow will eventually travel half the distance between your bow and the tree. From that point, you could go on infinitely saying the arrow will travel half the remaining distance to the tree. How the hell does the arrow ever hit the tree?

GE's picture

What's an arrow --->

Andrei Trostel's picture

Awww You fucked it up by replying twice! Now you'll never be funny. What a shame!

GE's picture

What's an arrow --->

Mike Lamb's picture

Now it's gone.
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GE's picture

Scrolling is fun

Andrei Trostel's picture

It's like a dream come true!

Andrei Trostel's picture

Hey, just out of curiosity, do coincidences exist now since we broke the space-time continuum?

GE's picture

What are the chances of getting stabbed in the neck?

Andrei Trostel's picture

(shrugs) Not very high.

It's coincidental at best.

GE's picture

It's such a coincidence that you decided to comment back.

Andrei Trostel's picture

So coincidences do exist...I knew it!

GE's picture

Is it a coincidence that scissors and your hair haven't met?

GE's picture

Getting closer

GE's picture

closer still

GE's picture

touchITtouchITtouchITtouchITtouchITtouchIT

GE's picture

I touched it!!!!!!!!!

GE's picture

But I feel like the owl from the tootsie pop commercials

GE's picture

I don't know how to play along with you on this. I feel like you are so wrong that you couldn't possibly be that dumb and that you're trying to create a humor dialogue between us. The problem is that I end up always playing the good guy. I'm not sure if I should open up more logical holes in my argument so that you don't look so bad. I feel sorry for your character and I hope it isn't who you actually are.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Don't worry about what is reality and what isn't Weijore, you'll just hurt yourself trying to figure it out.

;)

Mike Lamb's picture

IT WAS AN UNLIKELY GODDAMN COINCIDENCE! WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO ACCEPT?

Jesus, man...you made me break out the caps lock.

GE's picture

It more likely than you guys searching through old micro-film and selecting the same image. That's all I'm saying. If you guys both used the same search criteria on google, then you are both funneled toward making the same decision. It's not just coincidence, if you both traveled down an identical causal branch.

It's as though Andrei is saying, "oh my gosh, you ate a McMuffin for breakfast two days ago... what a coincidence, I too went to McDonald's and ordered a Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit, but I totally stared at the McMuffin for a long time." And Mike is saying back, "wow, considering you're in Washington state, and I'm in where ever the fuck I live, that's an impossible seeming coincidence." It's not a fucking coincidence if you share nearly identical fucking locations at the same time, especially if the places you go are designed to be that way.

"you know, I went to the bathroom last week and there was a handle for flushing."
"me too!... like three years ago. that's crazy!
"It's not like people all over the country, especially janitors, hate their fucking lives and sit in closets smoking pot."
"I know, that is so impossibly random that we both experienced that."

Andrei Trostel's picture

You know, I brought this up before, but maybe you just missed it.

Your whole argument is based on the idea that searching for an image of the Burger King (and especially how that's done) is an everyday occurrence. Seriously, if that is as common as you going to the bathroom and finding a flush handle, then you need some serious Burger King fetish therapy or something. No really, seek help now!

Here it is again Weijore so pay attention:

"As I've already pointed out, the fact that we both searched for an imagine of The Burger King around the same day is a big enough coincidence in itself. Maybe you think that is highly probable because you search for his image daily for some unknown reason (and frankly I don't want to know the reason. Keep your weird fetishes to yourself). "

I've NEVER ONCE searched for an image of that freaky Burger King and then to get pages and pages of images with that highly disturbing thing in various different life situations was a little overwhelming to say the least. I think I even got a little traumatized by the whole situation and may even now have PTBKISS (Post Traumatic Burger King Image Searching Syndrome) because of it.

I went through several images trying to get the right feel of what I was trying to convey in my article, while cursing myself for even coming up with a line of thought about that evil fucking Burger King, that now haunts my dreams, in the first place.

I didn't want him to just be rubbing lotion on some girl, or posing naked in front of a fire (Oh Weijore, why are you making me relive that bank of images...it seems so unnecessary) but rather wanted an authoritative, almost Uncle Sam like, posture to him. So you see I had VERY specific criteria in mind...not just any old freaky ass Burger King image.

Then YES probably due to the weaknesses of my own biology I was drawn to "ONE OF" (and I say "one of" because as I have pointed out, there were many) the images with a hot girl in it. But you see Weijore, I didn't think the girl on the right was hot...in fact, I actually thought she looked kind of scary and was similar to the Joker with her maniacal smile and giant eyebrows. I thought to myself, I can't have TWO crazy evil looking creatures in my image, because that would detract from the main subject matter of the photo, which of course is that haunting evil Burger King. So I actually tried to PHOTOSHOP THAT CHICK ON THE RIGHT OUT! Yes, I don't think you people at PIC realize how much energy us writers actually put into every detail of our work. After I photoshopped her out I almost used the picture, but then realized that having the other more attractive woman there detracted from the traumatizing effect that the mutant Burger King has on people. Everything is less traumatic with beautiful women around! So believe it or not, I actually took to photoshopping her out too...not remembering the fact that there was actually a VERY similar image without women in the search criteria...(probably because I blocked all the images out due to the PTBKISS).

Due to my shaky hands and shattered psyche, I made a mistake photoshopping the second woman out, a mistake I couldn't undo, and thus had to reload the saved original template image, thereby resurrecting the crazy Joker woman to the photo. After erasing her again (twice now) and starting on the hot one, my computer crashed. Apparently the file was corrupted somehow...speaking to the evil nature of The Burger King. After rebooting, the idea of erasing that evil joker woman for a third time was more than I could bear. Frankly, I was tired of staring into her eyes. I was tired of trying to figure out if she was "supposed to" be in the photo, or if she was actually a photo bomb since she wasn't holding The Burger King's arm like the other hot girl. I don't think this Joker girl was supposed to exist in this picture at all so maybe she SHOULD be erased again, but I just can't bring myself to do it again!

In an "Aw fuck it, I can't stare at this thing any longer moment" I decided to just use the image "as is" with both girls in it...but needed to GO BACK...YES GO BACK to search The Burger King again, for the second time in my life, to retain the original image for use.

It was then that I saw the image that I actually used (no women) and quickly grabbed it from the Google search and GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!

I sent my article to Court and tried to put the whole thing behind me.
The next day I went to go read Mike's latest article, noting in my head the title mentioned "Burger King" which sent my heart racing a little due to my traumatic occurrence the previous day with the icon of that company and the evil Joker woman.

Then I opened the article...

The first picture...was...THE SAME ONE!
THE SAME ONE THAT I STARED AT FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS!
AND THERE WAS THAT FREAKY JOKER GIRL BACK WHERE SHE WAS...AGAIN!
I PHOTOSHOPPED HER INTO OBLIVION SEVERAL TIMES AND SHE WAS BACK!
BACK ON A PIC ARTICLE!
BACK IN MY WORLD!
BACK ON THE SIDE OF ONE OF THE MOST EVIL CREATURES THE WORLD HAS SEEN!
BACK!
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT MIKE (or Court) CHOSE TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT THE BURGER KING?!
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT WE BOTH SEARCHED FOR THIS EVIL BEING WITHIN THE SAME SHORT TIME FRAME...BECAUSE HONESTLY, WHO THE FUCK WOULD VOLUNTARILY SEARCH FOR THIS EVIL BEING?! (Other than you, for your daily masturbation homage session, that is, or whatever the fuck you are searching him so regularly for).
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT HE ALSO PICKED THAT PICTURE OUT OF ALL THE BURGER KING PICTURES?!
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES, WEIJORE, THAT THE SAME WEIRD JOKER WOMAN MADE HER WAY BACK, DESTINED TO BE IMMORTALIZED IN A PIC ARTICLE, AGAINST ALL ODDS OF BEING ERASED FROM EXISTENCE?!

THAT HUGE SMILE!
THOSE EYEBROWS!
IS SHE MORE EVIL THAN THE BURGER KING HIMSELF?!
IT HAS TO BE A COINCIDENCE!
IT SIMPLY HAS TO BE!
IF IT ISN'T A COINCIDENCE, WEIJORE, WE ARE ALL DOOMED! YOU ARE DOOMED! THE WORLD IS DOOMED! YOUR WIFE IS DOOMED! YOUR KIDS ARE DOOMED! YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY, ALL FUCKING DOOMED! IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU WANT?!
IS IT?!
WELL IS IT?!

Weijore, you have to believe me, I even heard eerie evil coincidental music playing when I saw the picture!

"DUN DUN DUN" <-eerie coincidental music! Thereby proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that it WAS INDEED a coincidence!

So you see Weijore.

You're wrong.
It was a fucking coincidence...and if you say it isn't then you hate your family and want them to die.

:P

GE's picture

The causal branch I was referring to was googling "the burger king". So your point about the entire situation being coincidental is strong but you're assessment of my argument is wrong. I did not state that there was no coincidence.

My statement was vague.

It's a matter of locality. You started your assessment by looking one step further back than me. I focussed entirely and consistently on the probability of googling "the burger king" and finding that image, which is nearly certain if you do that. Your look now focuses at the situation as a whole because I've sufficiently proven my point and you've got no where else to stand.

Coincidence is easy to stand upon. You can always take one step back further and see coincidence. Isn't it coincidental that both of you were born in the US? Isn't it coincidental that you two, divided by thousands of miles, write on the same internet site? Isn't it coincidental that two beings exist when the probability of existences is close to zero?

If you want to play that game. I'll play another one.

Coincidence is one event happening in conjunction with another and they aren't causally linked or predictable. However, if you simply apply the principle of sufficient reason across the infinity of time, you find that everything is causally linked and therefore coincidence does not exist. Accident does not exist. Everything happens for a reason.

It may seem random but it actually isn't. So fuck you. Your entire argument is false because coincidence doesn't exist.

Plus, I'm robo-cop and that makes me bullet proof.

Andrei Trostel's picture

OH! I see Weijore!
So you are actually saying that you were completely orchestrating the situation/argument not even remotely based on the original statement of "Do you know how close I came to using that first Burger King picture in my next up and coming article?"

Yeah, um...that's what I said all along, "You're REALLY reaching here Weijore aren't you?"

I'm glad we FINALLY agree...especially about the part where you don't think before you type.

Oh and now you want to orchestrate a whole other nonsensical argument?
Yeah, um...Quod Erat Demonstrandum!

;)

GE's picture

Your "crazy person" impersonation is spot on.

Andrei Trostel's picture

"A sane person in an insane world would still be considered insane by everyone else." -Andrei Trostel

;)

GE's picture

Less poetic than the original and yet still plagiarism.

Andrei Trostel's picture

That is an Andrei original.
Any similarities to that phrase by anyone else is either plagiarism of me,
OR...
Wait for it...
A COINCIDENCE!

HAHA!

:P

GE's picture

This would be a much funnier and shorter debate infront of a judge. Enjoy thinking you came up with that idea.

A tip: don't quote yourself. You can just write it, and we'll attribute it to you or the ancient saying it came from. Either way you look a lot less like a douche.

Andrei Trostel's picture

You're just bitter because either you have to admit that it is mine, or that it is a "coincidence" and we all know how twitchy you get around coincidences Weijore.

:P

Mike Lamb's picture

Andrei, please tell Weimer that coincidences are not amazing. They are not unexplainable miracles open for scrutiny by lunatic skeptics who have run out of interesting theories to debunk. They are simply random occurances just odd enough to make someone say, "Huh. How about that" and move on with life. There is no Burger King Googling conspiracy at work, and if there is, it's the most useless and boring conspiracy theory ever.
Weimer, sometimes you string words together in a way that makes sense. Is that a miracle or a coincidence? Because it's not happening lately, and maybe there's a deeper reason that I'm just too bored to notice.

And speaking of miracles...fucking magnets, how do they work?

Andrei Trostel's picture

Bang! Pow! Boom!
Hey, what did Weijore say after he pissed all over himself?

"ICP!"

GE's picture

Mike, fuck off. Your analysis of the world is filtered through visions of dragons and trolls. Roll your D20 to figure out the merit of my argument and keep it to yourself. Attempting to add merit to Andrei's argument won't ensure he'll get you pot from BC.

GE's picture

I don't care whether or not it's a coincidence. My point was that it isn't original and saying that it is yours is ridiculous and douche-like.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Meanwhile, in Weijore's mind:

"Hmmm I orchestrated one argument out of thin air about a coincidence...but, that didn't work.

Then I tried another about coincidences in general...but that just fell flat, demonstrating how much I really just want to argue about nothing.

OH I KNOW! Maybe if I state again how much I don't care and orchestrate another argument out of thin air, then they won't notice and...nope just made myself even more of a joke.

Maybe I should try more insults? Yeah, more insults!

Wait, are you funny if you actually ARE the joke? Is that funny? I really want to be funny. Hey everyone, jokes are funny! I'm funny everyone!"

GE's picture

What is true is all that is important.

Andrei Trostel's picture

What is coincidental?
Is that important?
Are you the one who writes my fortune cookies?
What are my lucky numbers today?
Is today a good day?
Hey, I said GOOD DAY!
Does that mean I care, or not?
How about those lucky numbers?
Is one of them 42?
Please can one of them be 42?
Wait, I don't care, because I said good day!
No, I care...Come on 42!

GE's picture

Six times seven.

I'm that bowl of petunias.

Oh no, not again.

Andrei Trostel's picture

"This will all end in tears."

Oh, I've broken out of another box!
This whole thing was so totally worth it!
I want to thank Mike for writing the article.
I want to thank Court for providing the website that made this all possible.
I want to thank The Burger King for being so strange that no one ever searches for him thus creating the coincidence of two people searching for a picture of him in a very short time frame. I want to thank Google for providing countless images to choose from thereby creating the other coincidence of picking the same image out of so many. I want to thank all those countless hot women for providing evidence that there were SO MANY hot girl images to choose from making the choosing of the single image referenced certainly coincidental in nature. I want to thank...Oh I know I am forgetting someone...
Probably no one important though.

:P

Shadow's picture

PTBKISS, that is so funny! The Burger King is totally freaky and I wish I’d never seen him. I hope I never wake up and see him in bed with me like in that one commercial. Can’t these companies think before they create such disturbing spokespeople (or spokesanimals using the term animals loosely). I’m still recovering from the spongmonkeys from the Quizno’s commercials and no it’s not good advertising, because I refused to eat there for years after that commercial aired.

Mike it was a great article. I love the Copernicus Thunderbird articles! Please ask him to investigate why after eating their burgers you feel like you have a bowling ball sitting in your gut.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thanks Shadow, but PTBKISS is no laughing matter...I can assure you.

I couldn't agree more about the Quiznos anally-ejected gerbils singing and playing guitar. In fact Quiznos commercials in general are at the very top of my list of most disturbing commercials ever!

Top Ten Most Disturbing Commercials (And the Companies to Avoid)

;)

Mike Lamb's picture

I'll ask, but his theories are sketchy at best. I believe he once said it had something to do with lead in the meat. Large chunks of ground up lead. It's cheaper than salt.

rohannea's picture

very weird monster! I don't like the image, it has fearful face!

GE's picture

Mike, I said, "It's as though you used the same search criteria on the same search engine. What are the chances?" Andrei brought up the argument for coincidence and my opposition to it, which is inaccurate. He's been arguing an irrelevant parallel argument about whether or not it was coincidental that I only recently entered to destroy the entire premise.

Practically speaking coincidences do occur, and it is clearly a coincidence that you two both happened to search "the burger king" at the same time. But it is not a coincidence that, once you did that, you would almost picked the same photo. You were in the same internet location and the images do not appear in random order for you to choose from. That's all I was saying.

Andrei took it upon himself to try to establish that almost choosing that particular image is random until that argument was exhausted. Then he decided that he should argue more vigorously the irrelevant point that the situation of searching "the burger king" was coincidental, an argument that I never opposed.

Then Andrei quoted a common domain phrase and attributed himself as it's originator. Now he is convinced that it was either he who came up with it or it is coincidence that he and millions of people said the same exact thing.

Maybe it is. I don't care. It doesn't matter if it was coincidental or not. If it wasn't a common domain then it would be plagiarism. What it ends up being is a hilariously stupid way to write a clique.

It's just like when I was ten and I thought of the joke, "what's a pirate's favorite letter?" (actually a recent pole among pirates says; "their favorite letter is B.").

Andrei Trostel's picture

HOT DAMN!
EUREKA!
IT WAS SO SIMPLE AND IN FRONT OF ME THE WHOLE TIME!
A NEW COMMENT THREAD STARTING ALL THE SAME, COMPLETELY ORCHESTRATED, NONSENSICAL ARGUMENTS!

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!

BUT DON'T FORGET PEOPLE, ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE...WEIJORE DOESN'T CARE!

GOOD DAY!

I SAID GOOD DAY!

WAIT, WHAT'S A DAY?!

IF YOU SIMPLY APPLY THE PRINCIPLE OF INSUFFICIENT COMEDY ACROSS A SHATTERED SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM, WILL WE FIND THAT WEIJORE IS FUNNY YET?!

AND WHAT OF COINCIDENCE?!

:P

GE's picture

I was right.

Your mother never loved you.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Still not funny.
So it isn't breaking out of the comment box that does it.
It isn't the text escaping from the comment box that does it.
Dammit! What is it going to take to make you funny Weijore?!
It must be the white area of the comment section imploding in on itself that does it!

I'm willing to see this through to the end for you buddy, if that's what it takes to make you funny. We CAN achieve the impossible here.

"Alright, chums up, let's do this LEEROYYYYYYY JENNNNNNKINS!!!!"

Mike Lamb's picture

No matter how many times you re-word it, it's still boring. How many times must we re-live the boredom? A hundred? A thousand?

Okay, Weimer, you win. You're "right." I don't know what exactly you're right about, but it's the only way to destroy your power source. Here's a smart guy trophy, now go sit in the corner and feel good about yourself. Everything you say is wise and true.

Andrei, here's your ribbon that says I'm a clever boy. Can't have anyone getting left out.

Nah, fuck it. Just go back to arguing.

GE's picture

My biggest annoyance in life is when I'm wrong and have no one that can accurately and concisely explain why.

I don't care WHO is right. I only care WHAT is right. My simple wish is to know truth and to speak it when needed.

Whether it's boring to other people doesn't concern me. Debate is a process that is only entertaining to those who enjoy the argumentation and the ideas discussed. More importantly, debate is a process that, through reciprocation, finds what is most true. It's fucking boring because it's a process not a final product.

When you wake up, feel free to comment.

Andrei Trostel's picture

So basically you are okay with just not being funny?
Jesus, what the hell have we all been working towards then?!
We shattered the fucking space-time continuum for you Weijore and all this time you were just cool with not being funny?

Man, you try and help a brother out...

Ain't that some shit?

GE's picture

Now that was comedic gold.

GE's picture

Now that was gold plated hubcaps dipped in fairy pussy.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Alright, well its been fun.
We broke out of the comment box.
We set the written word free.
We obliterated that white part.
We shattered the space-time continuum.

Nothing made Weijore funny, but no one can say we didn't try everything.
I don't know what it will take.
Maybe a fucking miracle.
Who knows.

For now I leave you with this.

GE's picture

My favorite part is not reading your comments or clicking your hyperlinks. It's just the right amount of passive aggression.