There are steps every male needs to take in order to be considered a real man amongst his peers. Rites of passage that go well beyond arm pit hair, ball-dropping, and deuce-dropping. Tasks that involve grit, determination, ingenuity, perseverance, sheer muscle, and occasionally reckless abandon or maximum consumption of alcohol. This is a list of some of those things, in no specific order. Not every man will succeed, but then again, not every man is real.

1. Build a deck.

Man builds a deck
"Man, this sucks…"


2. Help someone move.

  • Bonus if it's someone you don't really know.
  • Bonus if your friend tricked you into doing it.
  • Bonus if you were paid in pizza and beer.

Man moving boxes
"So uhh… where's the party you said you were having? Oh… moving party…."


3. Build something you can ride on.

  • Bonus if it's a go-kart/other small, motorized vehicle.
  • Bonus if it's the only one of its kind.
  • Bonus if it's an old car you paid less than $500 for.

Man builds a go-kart
"I bet this thing goes 300 miles an hour."


4. Make a fire that's taller than you.

  • Bonus if it's for no reason at all.
  • Bonus if the flames almost reach something above it and freak everyone out.
  • Bonus if you can't put it out.

Man builds a huge fire
"Okay, we did it, now what?"


5. Dig a hole big enough to bury yourself in.

  • Bonus if it hasn't rained in over a week.
  • Bonus if it's raining while digging.
  • Bonus if it's with a shovel less than 3 feet tall.

Man digs a huge hole
"I wish we would have had some shovels or some shit."


6. Sleep outside, not in a tent.

Man sleeps outside on the ground without a tent
"Just wherever is fine. Pillow? No thanks. Blanket? Meh."


7. Move a piano up stairs.

  • Bonus if it hasn't been moved in 10 years or more.
  • Bonus if you demolish half the house moving it.
  • Bonus if no one actually plays the piano.

Man moves a piano up stairs by himself
If only it was this easy.


8. Lay brick.

  • Bonus if you got the brick from somewhere else and had to transport it yourself.
  • Bonus if it's over 1,000 bricks.
  • Bonus if you bust up your hands more than 3 times.

Man lays brick
"Okay, the orcs totally can't breach this shit."


9. Clear timber.

  • Bonus if it was after a tornado.
  • Bonus if there were at least two chainsaws involved.
  • Bonus if you use it to build a fire taller than you.

Man clears timber from a forest
"Dude, fuck this."


10. Climb something high enough that the fall would kill you.

  • Bonus if it's to get something you accidently put up there.
  • Bonus if it involves a chainsaw.
  • Bonus if you fall and live.

Man climbs up a very high palm tree
"I swear if that parrot up there doesn't stop talking shit, I'm going to… oh that's it!"


11. Run from an animal that could potentially kill you.

Man kills a small mouse
Totally doesn't count.


12. Wake up somewhere you don't recognize.

  • Bonus if you're naked.
  • Bonus if you leave and still have no idea where you were.
  • Bonus if it's been over a month and you still don't know where you were.

Woman passed out drunk on a picnic table amidst empty beer bottles
This photo needs no caption. It is the greatest photo that humankind has ever taken.


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