Many people might justifiably claim that their building has the loudest or the most annoying or fire alarm ever. I won't bother you with such cliches…
Because my building has the SCARIEST fire alarm ever.
Watch, but mostly listen, for yourself (please do not note the hypocritical initial comment… it was 8am):
(Warning: This video may not be suitable for persons suffering from heart problems, dizziness, or shortness of breath. Additionally, this video is not suitable for pregnant women or Captain Kirk.)
That's right, my fire alarm actually SPEAKS to you like HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey. In that creepy sci-fi villain voice it proclaims (as if the Apocalypse were upon us): “Attention, attention, an emergency has been reported in this building. Please cease operations and leave your building, utilizing the nearest exit stairway. Do NOT use elevators. REPEAT: DO NOT USE ELEVATORS.” Then it continues to belly out a trancy, whining siren with slow-pulsing strobe lights. It feels more like Studio 54 moved to the Star Trek Enterprise ship and is now being attacked by aliens.
That day was actually a fire alarm test that we had been warned about, so I was fairly assured it would cut off soon, which it did.
This past Thursday however, the alarm went off midday, about 3pm (again, I was woken up). Thinking it must be another drill, I buried my right ear into the bed and stuffed two more pillows on top of the other ear.
10 minutes go by. Still going.
15 minutes. Still whining.
17 minutes. It finally shuts off.
18 minutes. Back on.
19 minutes. Off.
19.3 minutes. On again.
21 minutes. “Hmm, what do you think about the possibility of a real emergency brain? Ehh, probably not. But maybe we'll take the body downstairs to get the mail anyway.”
22 minutes. “Oops, the elevators don't work. Where have I heard this before?”
24 minutes. Halfway down the stairwell, I am almost trampled by 4 firemen. “Careful guys, I have a chicken cooking in the hallway! Could you check and see if it needs to be turned over?”
26 minutes. Damn, I haven't trekked down the stairs in a WHILE. I bet it really sucks to live on the 3rd floor or higher.
27 minutes. I run into my neighbor Kevin in the first floor lobby and ask what's going on. “Hey, come on out, all the neighbors are gathered outside. There's not a fire, don't worry.”
27.1 minutes. OH I WASN'T WORRIED KEVIN, BELIEVE ME. BUT CAN YOU TELL THIS ALARM TO STOP CRYING WOLF? *5 more firefighters walk inside*