Halloween Double Feature: Top 5 Sexiest Male and Female Vampires

Sexy vampire girl with rose in her mouth

Top 5 Sexiest Female Vampires
By Andrei Trostel

Nothing says Happy Halloween like sultry vampiric vixens. Us straight guys really only watch vampire movies and shows for one of two reasons: the occasional scantily clad hottie, dressed in all black, that you know for a fact will ravage you and suck you dry without giving it a second thought; or the idea of actually being an eternally young, hot, powerful vampire yourself and seducing, taking and having whatever woman you desire, who is left powerless simply by the superior strength of your mind. Yeah, I know these comments may seem a little out of character for me, but the great thing about Halloween is that you can pretty much get away with anything and be whatever you want.

So in honor of Halloween, swine flu season, and this article, I am going as a chauvinist pig. Hey, don't judge my costume and I won't call you a trashy, slutty whore for dressing like one! Let's just try and appreciate each other's costumes in all their extreme glory. Agreed? Good. Moving on.

Vampire women, which have a great history, have always captured the attention of straight men and the sole reason is that deep down every man fantasizes about a woman who doesn't want anything else from you, other than to drain your main vein of it's most important bodily fluid. So for Halloween I give you the top five sexiest female vampires, granted their title for no other reason then their sheer hotness, regardless of how much their movie actually sucked.

5. Lucy Liu as Sadie Blake in Rise: Blood Hunter (2007)

Lucy Liu
When Chinese takes you out!
What do you get when you combine, Asian vampire, Lucy Liu, and nudity? A spot in the top five sexiest female vampires, that's what! Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to see Lucy Liu in a vampire movie? Well let's just say it feels like an eternity. Lucy Liu is the quintessential Asian hottie and pretty much springs to mind anytime someone brings up sexiest Asian celebrity. Quite literally "turn" her into a vampire, strip her of all her clothes, and you might as well hand Lucy Liu a slot in the top five and start the argument of why she isn't number one.

Unfortunately, there are several arguments that spring to mind, other than some serious competition in the field. First of all, this isn't your typical vampire film with fangs, powers, and such. This is more in the "vein" of the movie The Hunger, where the vampires really just crave blood and live forever and that's about it. They even seem to pay homage to The Hunger with the use of a tiny necklace knife to open up their prey, and that is where the similarity between the two films end really. Sadie Blake, although hunting down the people who turned her, really plays a major victim roll for the entire movie (yawn).

Furthermore, half the movie she is seen with short hair, compared to Lucy's signature long flowing locks of pure sex appeal. Ladies! Please! Stop cutting off all your hair, I beg you! The vast majority of straight men prefer women with long hair and I can prove it to you scientifically (but that's a whole other article—stay tuned). If it wasn't for the whiny victim role, the complete lack of vampire lore coolness, and the haircut, I might have given her the number one slot. However, it is still Lucy Liu as a vampire and those two things alone buy her the number five spot.

Come on though, Lucy, next time find a real vampire movie where you can flaunt your confidence and raw sex appeal, like you do so well in your other roles. Until then, consider yourself lucky because number five was actually quite generous on my part.

4. Aaliyah as Akasha in Queen of the Damned (2002)

In the movie she dies and then flies, in real life she flies and then dies.
Talk about your little hard body! (Get it? Akasha's skin was like stone.) Aaliyah has the ability to capture your heart and literally start a fire deep down inside of you—too bad her acting sucks as much as her character does. But this article isn't about acting, it's about being the sexiest female vampire, and Aaliyah's powerful, fluid body movements during her vampire bar carnage dance is enough to make anyone a believer in her raw sexual power.

To be honest I always felt the character Akasha was a little too cold-hearted to make her that appealing, but I did appreciate Akasha's view of the average man. She thought that they were stupid and repressive and should only be used for sex. Only the best would be selected for all women to "use" and the rest would simply be killed off. As an enlightened male I almost kind of like those odds given the current state of the economy and the aforementioned job benefits. What? Don't judge me. With Akasha there is a ton at stake. You are either with her or you simply die. Besides, it beats unemployment, or death for that matter, and times are really tough right now.

Either way, there's no arguing how hot Aaliyah is when portraying Akasha. You also have to hand it to Aaliyah for taking her role as a vampire queen so seriously that she made sure she didn't have a pulse before the movie was even released. (Yeah, I know that was cold, but so is Akasha for that matter.)

3. Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Salma Hayek
You know what's weird? I've been told there is a snake in this picture somewhere.
What is it about Salma Hayek and those other-worldly hips of hers, not to mention all her other parts? Honestly, I don't know what to say about her in this movie because I have almost no recollection of the film besides her bar dance. I guess that was the whole point of it though, to entrance and distract you so that she can then turn into a freaky ass snake-headed thing and eat you.

I must say I prefer my vampire transformations to be a little less drastic so they retain their sex appeal when vamped out. Talk about your butter face! Santanico went from HOT to NOT just because someone stabbed Quentin Tarrantino in the hand, which, let's face it, some of us have probably wanted to do after paying for a couple of his movies. Good thing the Titty Twister had a chandelier in it, which I guess you can say came in handy, even if it was a little out of place in a biker/trucker bar. Although, I never really thought that Santanico's threat of being her slave, her foot stool, or licking her boot heels was really THAT unappealing. Even if your name was going to be Spot for eternity, imagine the view.

Either way, it is still Salma Hayek as a blood sucking erotic dancer and that is certainly enough to get her into the top three of the sexiest female vampires.

2. Kate Beckinsale as Selene in Underworld (2003)

Kate Beckinsale
Latex allergies would suck right about now.
Kate Beckinsale in a black, skin tight leather/latex suit is reason enough to grant her the number two position, but she earns it for so much more than that. Not only is the Underworld trilogy one of the most interesting sets of movies to merge different monster genres without coming off as totally lame, but her portrayal of a death dealer, struggling to make sense of it all, is actually quite impressive.

One of the things that makes her so appealing in this movie (other than her fine ass) was that she made you feel that she could handle any situation that came her way with some serious ass kicking, except the one situation that terrified her to no end: complete and total loss of all control of her world as she knew it. That right there embodies the basic ingredients of every red-blooded straight male's fantasy that encounters a strong powerful woman with an icy cold exterior. It doesn't get much more satisfying than making a strong powerful woman, who is superior to you in every way, lose all self-control, and then bringing her to complete and total surrender by simply fucking her brains out.

I really do appreciate vampire movies where the vampires actually maintain their ability to have sex instead of only hinting at the idea, but never really getting there due to some strange inability to carry it out. I mean, let's face it, who would trade eternal life for the inability to have sex ever again? That would be enough to make a vampire want to stake themselves. So, I'm pleased they went that route with this trilogy, because I really felt it added something extra to the power struggle theme of the movies.

For the mental torture of losing control of her world and the complete loss of control through sexual surrender which is executed fabulously in this trilogy, Selene is a lock for the well-deserved number two position. Did I mention her fine ass?

1. Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca, and Elena Anaya as Marishka, Verona, and Aleera in Van Helsing (2004)

Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca, and Elena Anaya
I scream, you scream, we all scream for neapolitan ice cream.
The Brides of Dracula. Technically this isn't cheating, in my list or in reality...or fantasy...or whatever...just shut the hell up. Do you see the loophole here that I'm shamelessly exploiting to get three for one? If three woman agree and want to spend eternity pleasing one man, then who am I to get involved in their marital situation, even if it does seem unnatural to the average closed-minded person? Personally, I don't think that it's any of our business if people want to get married, regardless of the gender balance. While it's still illegal in many places, something tells me that when you're killing people and drinking their blood for food then the moral sanctity of marriage is sort of a stupid thing to get all upset about.

Anyway, I'm going to go on record and state that these three Brides of Dracula are arguably not only the hottest brides from any movie but also the hottest female vampires ever. Which of the three is actually the hottest? Who cares when you can have all three at the same time?! The Brides of Dracula from Van Helsing are the sexual neapolitan of the vampire world: ice cold, delicious, sinful, and you don't have to choose between blond, brunette, or redhead since you can have all three flavors at once. They are three frighteningly strong, confident women who know exactly what they want and will stop at nothing to get it, but yet they are also seductively submissive as well. Basically every man's fantasy and the best of all worlds.

On a personal note, aside from being smokin' hot, they have insanely long hair which I find particularly appealing and sexy as all hell. Marishka, Verona, and Aleera, you will always be my number one, regardless whether your movie was ridiculous at best.

So there you have it, the top five sexiest female vampires, brought to you by a pig (for a day). Whatever your taste in women, there is a little something for everyone. Notice all major races were represented, just like in Cheech Marin's little speech. I must say, dear readers, that Halloween will always be my favorite holiday for the simple fact that, if only for a day, you can be whatever you want and no one will judge you. That and free candy makes it the greatest of ALL the holidays, hands down. Oh, and the fact that every woman's costume is preceded by the word sexy or slutty. It's all good though on Halloween because, remember, you can pretty much get away with anything, even doing a collaboration article with an over-the-top, big, blue-haired, brick shit house, sheila.

Take it away Gavin and Happy Halloween everyone!

Top Five Sexiest Male Vampires
By Gavin Pitt

Ciao, Crypt-Keepers!

Well, it's that time of year! Kids are getting into their Spongebob costumes and going door to door to play bob-for-the-apples-that-don't-have-razorblades-in-them; loopy Republicans in Kenya-born Obama costumes are getting surprise visits from the Secret Service and being sent to Gitmo in seasonal pumpkin-orange jumpsuits; and Jamie Lee-Curtis is putting combination locks on all her cutlery drawers, hiding in the attic, and cursing Rob Zombie for digging up her brother Michael again.

Yes folks, it's Halloween, and to celebrate the occasion, PIC writers Andrei "Eli Roth's" Trostel and Gavin "recently divorced from Brad" Pitt have formed a tag-team of terror.

So now, continuing our monster mash-up, I present the Top Ten Sexiest Male Vampires. Is that a stake in your pocket...?

5. Chris Sarandon as Jerry Dandridge in Fright Night (1985)

Chris Sarandon
Stephen Geoffreys' X-Men audition didn't go well.
Awesome flick from 1985 in which a horror-mad teen discovers that his suave new next-door neighbor is a centuries-old vampire with a disturbingly literal taste for suburbia. Chris Sarandon as the vampire, Jerry Dandridge, redefines the term "sultry"; whether beating Buffy's Angel to the brooding, soulful-eyes thing or stripping off and revealing a pretty muscular torso (and a somewhat incongruous tan that it's probably best not to think about). In a decade renowned for Collective Fashion Astigmatism, Dandridge dresses well too, with a line of crisply cut black trench-coats that you'd be delighted to be caught dead in.

A favorite moment has the natty nosferatu chasing the heroes into a nightclub—before following them in? He flies home to change into more club-appropriate wear. The film is also steeped in queerness: Amanda Bearse (Married with Children) is the female lead; Roddy MacDowall camps it up as the horror host turned vampire slayer; Dandridge and his handsome Day-protector Billy (Jonathan Stark) pose as gay lovers to throw suspicion off their nocturnal shenanigans; and Dandridge turns Evil Ed (Stephen Geoffreys) in a feeding scene that plays more like a seduction ("Hello, Edward. You don't have to be afraid of me. I know what it's like being different. Only they won't pick on you anymore... or beat you up. I'll see to that. All you have to do is take my hand"). Indeed, Geoffreys eventually quit acting and turned to gay porn (I guess this film proved he could pound a stake).

4. Billy Worth, Brooke McCarter, Jason Patric,
and Keifer Sutherland as All the Vampires Except Marco in The Lost Boys (1987)

Billy Worth
Dwayne never did like death metal.
Ooh, where to start? This awesome offering from 1987 features more hot guys (both pulse-challenged and human) than you could poke with a sharp wooden stick.

The film's group of Californian, Bohemian, surfer dude-type vampires (it's Point Break with pointy teeth) are, in order of droolishiousness: Dwayne (Billy Worth), who rocks the goth/hair-metal look until he's woofered and tweetered to death by a sound system (one reason why this film couldn't be remade today; you just can't get convincingly blown up by an iPod); Paul, (Brooke McCarter) the blond one who gets melted in a bathtub full of Holy Water (a ploy that would never work on the hygiene-challenged Edward Cullen); Michael (Jason Patric), the film's hunky hero who spends most of his time fighting his vampiric inclinations by standing around shirtless (works for me!); and David (Keifer Sutherland), who looks convincingly creepy in his vampire garb and about 12 years old when he's playing human (24 would be much more interesting if Sutherland played Jack Bauer as a vampire; he could finally shut his whiny daughter up by just ripping her jugular out, and we'd finally get an explanation as to why Jack never seems to eat, sleep or go to the bathroom).

Note that the film also stars Corey Haim as Michael's brother, Sam. While I don't think he's sexy (if I found Corey Haim sexy, the Fab Five would turn up at my house with a ratchet set and remove my gay gene), Sam is clearly meant to be gay—he has a shirtless pic of Rob Lowe on his wall, wears nothing but pastels (even for the 80's that's a bit much) and sings "I ain't got a man!" in the bubble bath. What could director Joel Schumacher be trying to tell us?!

3. Jonathan Schaech and Kerr Smith as Kit and Sean in The Forsaken (2001)

Jonathan and Kerr
No, I haven't ever done it in the trunk of a car, why?
Known here in Oz by the inferior title Desert Vampires, probably due to a failed attempt at irony due to vampires not liking daylight much (deserts get more heat, not light, and vampires don't have a circulatory system—being dead is the ultimate air conditioning).

This neat little 2001 blood offering follows Nick (Roswell's Brendan Fehr) and Sean (Dawson Creek's Kerr Smith), a hitch-hiker he picked up (in more ways than one, it's implied). The pair travel across America looking for immortal monster Kit (Jonathan Schaech), a Forsaken—one of eight medieval nights who made a pact with the devil for eternal life, which he gave them—by turning them into vampires (when making diabolical pacts, always keep your receipt). Nick was Kit-Bit, and is now only keeping his desire to suck on Sean in the bad way (involving the less fun type of spurting body fluid) in check via a cocktail of drugs. The pair hope that by killing Kit and his cronies, that Nick will recover.

This film has more hot guys and homo-eroticism than 300 copies of 300. The nominal female love interest for Sean takes a literal backseat (in the boys' car) for most of the movie. Normally cute Fehr is pale and feverish throughout, meaning that only Edgar Allen Poe will find him attractive, but Jonathan Schaech's Euro-trash nightstalker (equal parts Dracula and Borat) and particularly Kerr Smith (who seems to be in boxer shorts and/or an inch away from snogging Fehr breathle...er, more breathless... for most of the running time) put a stake in my pants. Add gay/bi solo porn star turned legit actor Simon Rex as Penn, Kit's day-protector, and a gay time is had by all.

2. Peter Stickles as Damian in The Lair (2007)

Peter Stickles
Safe sex on this show involves wearing a neck brace.
"...That doesn't mean a coven of gay vampire witches are running a Sex Club on the island!"

Did I say that The Forsaken was homoerotic? Compared to this current (2007-present) queer-horror series from the goodly folks at here!, The Forsaken is about as homoerotic as Sesame Street (leastways any episode without Bert & Ernie—or Bob).

The show is a spinoff from the equally camp Dante's Cove, and like it's parent (or should that be daddy?), plot and acting ability are less important than getting hot men grinding away at each other every other scene. What plasma-thin plot there is involves cute gay journalist Thom (David Moretti) trying to get an inside scoop on the Lair, a nightclub which actually turns out to be a meat-market (in all senses of the term) run by centuries old vampire Damian (queer horror vet Peter Stickles, easily best actor on the show) and his fuck-buddy/sidekick/nemesis Colin (former porn star Dylan Voxx, who seems to have abducted Keifer Sutherland's hairstylist from The Lost Boys).

Along the way Thom discovers a subplot involving reincarnation and revenge; a hideous, cursed painting (oddly enough not painted by Jackson Pollock); a gay werewolf (and yes, he does show us his full moon—repeatedly); a malevolent, sentient plant (insert your own President Bush joke here) and more naked men sinking fangs—and other things—into each other than you'd get from a whole decade's subscription to Abercrombie and Fitch's catalog.

Aside from Stickles and Moretti, who are actually capable of registering an acting emotion other than "naked," it chuffs me royally that famous gay porn stars Johnny Hazzard (Tim, the plant biologist) and Coltin Ford (Sheriff Trout) A) actually outshine most everyone else in the cast and B) are the only ones who've yet to get naked. Stake-through the heartily recommended, but be warned: if you aren't gay when you start watching season 1, you will be by the end of season 3!

1. Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Twilight (2008)

Robert Patterson
Dots indicate the parts Gavin has licked.
This film (and the series of novels that spawned it) is single-handedly responsible for 99% of your local bookstores' "Horror and Romance" sections now being filled with bosom-heaving tales of beautiful yet overlooked maidens being wooed by vampiric beaus who are the perfect man in every way, save the whole non-functional circulatory system thing. I have never read any of the Twilight novels, and don't plan to, unless at gunpoint, so I'm judging the series based solely on the movie. Hey, it's only fair—original author Stephanie Meyer seems to have based her knowledge of vampire lore on the bits of Love at First Bite she saw while channel-flipping between Days of Our Lives and whatever Major League Baseball game was on that week (Twilighters will understand that reference).

Vampires in this movie aren't ruthless, animated corpses that tear open living victims for blood to drink to keep their own bodies from rotting and that burn in the sunlight; instead they're pale, poetic souls who sparkle in the sun and are racked with the torment of being so eternally beautiful. Basically, they're Emery with no heartbeat or Weezer with better hair, and more eyeshadow.

However, the film Twilight is actually pretty good for several reasons, all of them attached to the magnificent body of British actor Robert Pattinson, who plays lead vampire Edward Cullen. Every time Edward goes for a sparkle in a sun-dappled meadow, making me want to scream out that unless he's wearing one mother of a sunblock he should be well on the way to Kentucky Fried by now, he flashes that smile or whips off his shirt and reveals that body and I forget why I was angry in the first...what was I saying?

True, Pattinson doesn't bathe so often—I haven't seen anyone go so far out of their way to avoid water since the Wicked Witch of the West—but I would certainly volunteer the uses of my shower/bathtub/tongue at his convenience.

Blood Ties vampire
Anonymous, I'm coming for you!
...I write this last section hurriedly, before Andrei gets back. I was going to include the lead character in the 2008 vampire series Blood Ties in my list of sexy vampires, when I saw his picture. The vampire in that show looks exactly like Andrei Trostel! This explains a lot: Andrei's long hair, which can only have come from centuries of careful grooming (or fifteen minutes in Metallica's make-up trailer); the impossibly pale skin, which he always told me was because he spent so much time indoors correcting the grammar of every article passing through PIC; his penchant for only dating feisty cheerleader types who hang around with older British librarians; and that time he flew across the office, tore Jonathan Marine's head clean off and used the resultant fountain of blood to illustrate his column on shaving-related injuries.

Oh shit—he's back! Damn, why didn't I order the side of garlic bread with that pizza?!

More in the "Sexiest Halloween Series":

Sexy Ladies
Top 5 Sexiest Female Demons/Devils
Top 5 Sexiest Female Ghosts
Top 5 Sexiest Female Zombies
Top 5 Sexiest Witches/Covens
Top 5 Sexiest Female Werewolves
Top 5 Sexiest Female Vampires

Sexy Guys
Top 5 Sexiest Male Demons
Top 5 Sexiest Male Ghosts
Top 5 Sexiest Male Zombies
Top 5 Sexiest Warlocks
Top 5 Sexiest Male Werewolves
Top 5 Sexiest Male Vampires

More from PIC:

leave it to gavin to rank edward cullen as #1. aaaaaand he officially has a crush on you, andrei.

Andrei Trostel's picture

A crush? Really? I never noticed before.

Gavin Pitt's picture

Dude, I had to. True TWILIGHT isn't that great a film and is more about romance than vampirism, but hot damn, Robert Pattinson is one pretty-ass corpse... The best current vampire film is LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, but the vampire in that is an eternally-twelve year old girl, and I'm soooo not going there!

The vampire in Let The Right One In is actually a boy ;)

Nick Moose's picture

Well as a PIC staff member I have to disagree, with this list as it does not include Vampirilla,and I'm not talking about the crappy direct to video movie version of Vampirilla with Roger Daltrey, but the real honest to gosh original vampire vixen, spun from the mind of Forrey Ackerman himself (may he rest in peace.) we really need some more comic book geek writers on this staff!
And even though I'm a vagina fan, as for the gay list-I gotta say I wouldve included Spike from Buffy-because punk rock and vampirism is like peanut butter and chocalate-two great things that go even better together.

Gavin Pitt's picture

I mentioned Vampirella (and also Grace Jones as Katrina in VAMP) to Andrei, but he just ripped out Boonstra's carotid, turned into a bat and flew out the window...

Spike was great up until season 6 with the whole "I love Bitchy" crap. Angel was great when he and Bitchy started hating on each other post S2, but BTVS will always be about lovely Gay Xander to me, and he wasn't a vampire, except for like, 5 seconds in "The Wish"...

Nick Moose's picture

oh-and movie wise-if you're looking for any pre-1980's vampire movies worth masturbating to -I recommend Hammers classic from 1970, The Vampire Lovers-(or really any of the Karnstein trilogy)-


Just look at that poster! Blood nymphs! That was back when film companys knew how to sell their vampire sex movies.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yeah I expected a lot of disagreement on this list, from those that "truly" know the genre. Here's the thing. I could write a top 100 sexy female vampires list, from memory alone, dating back centuries!! ;-P
I wanted to give the readers an outside chance of actually knowing who the vampire vixens were, instead of losing them all in books, comic books, now obscure T.V. shows, etc.
So, I made myself a rule of sticking to movies that were made in the last 15 years, and ones most of the readers would actually know (but that makes for a pretty boring title after throwing in all those criteria). Sorry to disappoint Nick.

Gavin Pitt's picture

Andrei and Nick,

Yeah, even though I don't have the advantage of Andrei's centuries of experience as the Scourge of Eurasia *g*, I can name several more hot suckers off the top of my head- Frank Langella in DRACULA (1979); David Naughton in I, DESIRE; Peter Capaldi in LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM; Robert Russler in VAMP; the entire male cast of THE HAMILTONS, Angel and Spike from BUFFY, Benny from the BUFFY movie; Stephen Dorff in BLADE and Ryan Reynolds in BLADE 3- but we were somewhat constrained by space, so we had to perform undead triage...

Andrei Trostel's picture

"undead triage"
Well put Gavin.

Monica Bellucci, Jamie Gertz, Sadie Frost, Catherine Deneuve, Ingrid Pitt, Michaela Bercu, Deborah Ann Woll, Florina Kendrick,
Anne Parillaud, Rachelle Lefevre, Angie Everhart, Kristanna Lokken, Juliet Landau, Sheryl Lee, Yvonne Monlaur, Julie Benz, Vampirella, Sharon Tate, Leonor Varela, Lauren Hutton, Jennifer Beals, Olga Kurylenko, Elvira, Brigid Brannagh, Jennifer Esposito, Sanaa Lathan, Gloria Holden, Geena Davis, Valerie Gaunt, Barbara Steele, Elisabeth Reaser, Parker Posey, Traci Lords, Rhona Mitra, Nikki Reed, Yutte Stensgaard, Milla Jovovich, Delphine Seyrig, Arly Jover

I could do this for eternity Nick but I think you see my point. If you want to get in on this then help us make this the one stop shopping location on the internet for Vampire hotness. Your mission if you are up to the challenge: Find decent photos and video for all those listed thus far and add a shit ton of your own.
It isn't as easy as it would seem since most of the video is either copyrighted, not able to be embedded or of really crappy quality in general. In fact I invite ANY readers to challenge this list, but don't do it half-assed, people. Provide decent pictures and decent video links of who you wanted added. For the record this was the Van Helsing Brides video I really wanted but the embed possibility was disabled.


Happy Hunting, and Happy Halloween!


Nick Moose's picture

It should be pointed out that I like a lot of really, really old movies, really,really weird movies and really , really bad movies.
I'm more likely to watch some obscure, super- 8 porno with hunchbacks in it from 1969 that someone made in the woods behind their house than I am to watch Queen of the Damned-but that doesn't make me a better movie fan than anyone else-(it does make me a far more insane one.)

That being said, other than Vampy not being on it, I think your list is a fine, credible effort and very good for the PIC throngs.
My favorite choice of yours is the lovley Selma Heyak, as I really dug From Dusk Till Dawn (but I do think Spy Kids 3-D is a scarier film.)

Gavin Pitt's picture


[I'm more likely to watch some obscure, super- 8 porno with hunchbacks in it from 1969 that someone made in the woods behind their house than I am to watch Queen of the Damned]

-Indeed! Over Halloween I watched TRICK R' TREAT, THE VIDEO DEAD, HUMONGOUS, BAD DREAMS, BEYOND DREAMS DOOR, STRAWBERRY ESTATES and (best horror movie ever) DEAD & BURIED. Obscure is awesome! (Even though it often frustrated Andrei when I recommend them!)

DUSK TIL DAWN is very good, it's just as shame most of the awesome vampire effects from KNB wound up being cut out...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Hahahaha it frustrated me because I wanted to see them and couldn't find them. I'd spend more time looking for the movie suggestion then I would actually watching it. Plus some of them were from Australian film festivals so...yeah, not very easy to find to say the least.

Gavin Pitt's picture

You can find most of them via Amazon. VAN DIEMEN'S LAND is still in cinema release over here; LAKE MUNGO is coming to next year's After Dark Horror Fest in January; Finally, Americans will be able to see the film that PARANORMAL ACTIVITY ripped off!

Nick Moose's picture

I'm familiar with most of those-except Trick R' Treat--that's not the one with dead rock star zapping kids into oblivion at the school dance is it?

yeah- obscure films do it for me, cause, unlike the big league Hollywood CGI fests, you have NO IDEA what you're in for. It's like you could be watchng something made a truly crazy person.

My favorite stuff is the "Something Weird Video" type old and obscure drive in-grindhouse type output. I've spent many a sleepless night wishing I had enough extra time and scratch to track down and procure one of the seven moldy VHS copies that exist of "The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackal."

Gavin Pitt's picture

Hey Nick,

No, not that TRICK OR TREAT. The new one- it's a Halloween anthology film produced by Bryan Singer and starring Brian Cox, Anna Paquin and others.

I thought that "Mummy vs Jackal" was never finished?!

My own personal white whale is tracking down NEL PIU ALTO DEI CIELI (IN THE HIGHEST OF SKIES) a Seventies Italian horror film that got its director excommunicated; it's about a bunch of priests and nuns visiting the Vatican who accidentally get trapped on a forgotten-about elevator; with no hope of rescue, the eventually fuck, kill and eat each other...

Nick Moose's picture

Well that certainly sounds like a must-see-and, for me, being raised catholic, cannibal-pope-sex movies are even scarier cause you have the secret, subconcious fear that you may actually go to hell for watchng them!

I had a feeling the Trick R Treat was a different film than Trick or treat, but I wasn't sure if it was a typo or not.

As far as Trick OR Treat goes, it never quite for me attained the same beloved status as "Rock n' Roll Nightmare."

-You just can't beat poppin' that fucker in when you have company. You tell them to be patient whilst sitting through 90 minutes of a terrible 80's hair- metal Evil Dead knock off, only to have them thank you later, after they witness the big rubber octopus throwing, archangel vs. rod puppet satan finale. (but I still haven't seen the sequel.)

"the Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals" wasn't really ever finished, or realesed back in '69 when it was made, but that didn't stop Academy from putting it out on VHS anyway in the 80's, slapping an R rating on it, and hoping some poor fool would pick it up expecting another "Dawn of the Mummy."

- It has been reported the director of it actually was insane! He'd gone senile, and apparently didn't notice that the movie he was filming was ..well, "The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals."

Gavin Pitt's picture

IN THE HIGHEST OF SKIES *has* been released on dvd, but only in Europe and in Italian with no subs. I'm thinking of learning Italian just for the film *g*. Ditto for the great Italian shocker SPIDER LABYRINTH...

DAWN OF THE MUMMY! "Rise and kill! Rise and kill! (Cackle and repeat x10) I appreciated the "wet-look" mummy in that one..

btw- Night of the Creeps, Rituals, Silent Scream and House on Sorority Row are all getting legit dvd releases this month!

What about Lestat from both Interview and Queen?!?!?!

Okay, besides the fact that Queen of the Damned fucked up a LOT of the books...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yeah, I have to admit that I also found it shocking that Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas from Interview with a Vampire somehow didn't make the cut, that and the fact that Gavin thinks Grace Jones is hot. It was then that I realized we truly had to write two separate articles and then meld them together instead of arguing for eternity over hotness criteria. I can't understand it really, it is almost like we have two completely different sexual preferences. ;-P

(Frankly I am impressed we were able to pull it off AT ALL in time for Halloween.)

Gavin Pitt's picture

Tom Cruise? :vomits: Puh-leeze- if I wanted to date a self-loathing, deeply-closeted midget with ties to an evil organization, I'd play hide the Turkish Delight Mr Tumnus from THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE.

Banderas? Eh, he loses points for sticking his cock in Melanie Griffith.

Pitt- he's nice and all, but we agreed to see other people when we split up...

btw- I think Grace Jones is Fabulous, not Hot. There's a difference!

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thank you for illustrating my point, um....Fabulously. ;-P
I have no idea about Lucy Liu's personality, religious beliefs, or whatever. For all I know she could be the Grand Wizard of the KKK or Hitler re-incarnate. She could have also fucked a swath across the world deeper than the Mariana Trench and it wouldn't make her any less physically smoking hot. So you see, criteria for pure sexiness is simply on a whole other level all together. I'm not saying Tom Cruise is a nice person or Banderas didn't make a poor choice about where to put parts of his body. I am just saying that I think most would agree they made some damn sexy vampires, but then what the hell do I know? Which is precisely why you wrote who the hot men were and I wrote who the hot women were. ;-)
We may never agree on this Gavin, although I would be interested in hearing some other gay men's opinions as well as some women's opinions on this, if only for pure sexual psychological research purposes. Besides, what the hell happened here Gavin? I thought you were supposed to be the superficial one of the two of us. Oh shit, is it Freaky Friday already? hahahaha ;-P

(Actually what is wrong with Melanie Griffith other than her squeaky foul mouthed voice that makes you want to shoot yourself in the face?.....never mind, I see your point now.)

Gavin Pitt's picture

So you'd fuck Adolf Hitler if he was a busty, long-haired Chinese woman? :backs away slowly, maintaining eye contact:

Okay, I can see the appeal of Antonio, but he's not my type (II go for jock/fratboy types like Seann William Scott or guys with stunning faces like Jimmy Marsden) but dude, I could be so shallow as to make Perez Hilton look like Madeleine Albright and I wouldn't touch Tom Cruise; Dude is *fugly*, as well as crazy- all teeth and nostrils. Plus I'm 6 foot 2 and he's five foot nada- a stepladder should not count as foreplay!

btw- Melanie Griffith also looks like what Gumby would look like, if he was made out of beef jerky...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Hahahaha, Well no but I would certainly give him a spot in the top 5 sexiest vampires if he was a hot, long-haired, Chinese, vampire woman in a movie within the last 15 years and had a nice ass. (Busty is irrelevant) ;-P
Arguing real life morality and how it factors into vampire sexiness makes about as much sense as a vampire wondering what his heart rate is.

See I think 6 foot tall and 5 foot nada have always been perfect partner proportions. ;-)

I loved your article on the lead character for Blood Ties, and yes Andrei does resemble him though I would have to say after he spent time in Metallica's make-up room. Sexy none-the-less on both accounts, as for Tom Cruise I would have to agree that boy has not looked good in at least fifteen years if not longer. Ugh seriously bad taste if you like that one, as for Tom being a vampire not on his best day. Personally to many myths and fables have been put out about vampires and their so called weaknesses, but who am I to judge your posts I am simply human... *Grins*

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thank you for your complimenting comment Kaytona. (lovely alliteration). If you ever get tired of being "simply human" let me know, we might be able to work something out.

Gavin Pitt's picture


Thankees for the feedback. Yeah, I've given Sarah Michelle Gellar Andrei's home address, just in case *g*. And thankyou also for backing up my "Tom Cruise= Fugly" assessment!

btw- Any male vampires out there, this whole mortality thing bites. Call me and we can arrange some kind of turning thing (I'd rather hang onto my soul, thanks, but I'll invite you into the homes of any number of my enemies if I get to be a souled vampire- especially if I can have hair like Angel's *g*)...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Yes, thank you Gavin for giving Sarah Michelle Gellar my address.
It's not DiGiorno, it's delivery and she was delicious!


*Laughs softly* You are more then welcome, but rather deserving of it... I was tired of being a human long ago, but sadly past the age of beauty to live forever... Now if you can give me back my youth, do let me know I would be eternally grateful to you... *Winks*

*Dies Laughing* Hey Gavin your welcome but I only stated the facts, as for the male vampires out there hun I would give up my soul if only to live forever young...

Gavin Pitt's picture

I like my soul. I keep all my emotional baggage in it, and it's such a fetching void-black colour.

Just a void black, that is a same I enjoy the black and red in colors... I understand where you are coming from though, to become eternal keep your youth and to feel something more then evil is there such a thing? *Raises a brow* Oh one last thing I forgot in the last post, next time you wish to give out his address let me know... :P

Shame*** I hate typos...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Here is my address Kaytona:


(laughs maniacally)


*Laughs* Been there read that, many good points...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Hahaha well then you probably have had as much exposure to me in this lifetime as anyone can handle and maintain their sanity.

Incidentally, on a whim I just looked up what the police code 314 was for hoping that it was something funny.
As it turns out: 314=Indecent exposure. Sometimes I think the universe has such a great sense of humor.


I never said I was sane, far from it...

Gavin Pitt's picture


Glad you enjoyed SMG. Of course, now that you've eaten her, be prepared for visits from Bianca Lawson and Eliza Dushku (plus a suitably enraged Freddy Prinze Jr *g*)

Andrei Trostel's picture

Bianca Lawson & Eliza Dushku=Dessert.
Freddy Prince Jr...give him your address instead.

Gavin Pitt's picture

...I'd really rather Nicholas Brendon. And his twin brother. Double-Xander sandwich!

its a crime that he's number one
and that Spike and Angel aren't on here

Gavin Pitt's picture

I had Spike and Angel on there originally, but removed them for space. Louis was too depressed to be sexy *g*

what about Brad Pitt in interview with a vampire
way way sexier than that loser bad actor rob
plus edward isn't even an actual vampire, vampires don't have souls and he has a soul. it defeats the whole purpose of a demonic blood sucking creature.
no, just... NO

Anonymously Bored's picture

Dear Anonymous! Although I'm ashamed to admit that I have indeed read the Twilight series ( in its entirety) .. But the question of Edward's( and his fellow suckers') soul is never tackled.. Never! And I think you are pretty smart for posting anonymously, bcoz chances are that you would have been murdered and/or mutilated if the females in your area could identify you as the one calling " THEIR EDWARD" *FAKE* ;-)

Gavin Pitt's picture

Deer Any Moose,

Like I said, any sex appeal Pitt had in that film was made moot by the character being a whiny emo sad-sack for eternity. RPattz' Edward may be a champion moper, but at least he smiles *occasionally*.

As for vampires and souls- depends on the species and the continent of the mythology. Plenty of vampires have souls in other cultures, it's just the Western variety that tend not to. Anyway, Angel and Slayer-whipped Season 6 Spike both have souls, and the status of the Cullens in that area has never been addressed, yay or nay.

Good afternoon Lord Gavin and Lord Andrei, I do hope the new year has been good to you... Been awhile since I stopped in, so I wished to drop you both a line or two... Still look as handsome as ever, both of you... *Smirk*

Andrei Trostel's picture

Thank you Kindly Kaytona (why is everything alliteration when I comment to you?) The new year has been good to me, but then all of the years are good when you live forever.
I have good news for you though my dear.
I have a new address to give you:


Gavin Pitt's picture

Thankees indeed Kaytona, though technically I'm a Count, not a Lord *g*

*Chuckles* Is that such a bad thing M'Lord? Interesting I have checked out the site, though it seems to be lacking something... *Lip twitch* It is good that you have been well, I do hope it continues...

Andrei Trostel's picture

Pray tell persistent princess...what does it lack?

I assure you M'Lord I am no princess, but as to what it lacks........ I would have to say quite a bit more of youself... *Winks*

Andrei Trostel's picture

Penance persistent...um Prince? My mistake Mr. (Hey Gavin, this one's yours!) :P
Hahaha more of myself eh? My weekly ranting and ravings and now my every 140 character thought is not enough? And you without even a proper profile to parade on PIC to protect against this pressing problem.

Gavin Pitt's picture

Please, no more P-words! I'm getting soaked all the way over here!!

Anonymously Bored's picture

Never again am I going to post a comment and select the option of notifying me through email for future replies!

This type of convo is fun to read generally, but it literally drove me mad with all the mail updates!

Nice bit/s of alliteration both of you! :]
But I don't need no notifications no more :D

(Sorry Andrei for the grammar.. But I generally have to make alliteration work for me!)

Court Sullivan's picture

There's a link at the bottom of those emails that says "Stop receiving emails when someone comments on this post" that will turn off the email notifications. Just for general reference.

Andrei Trostel's picture

Haha Thanks Court for point that out. It amazes me that people still haven't figured out that little gem of wisdom which pretty much applies to ALL comment sections, email groups, list serves, digests, and what have you across the entire internet. I mean the internet has been around for at least a couple of years now, hasn't it?

Anonymously Bored's picture

Well for what its worth.. I did exactly that Court.. And that too before I read your comment!
I was merely commenting on the fact that comments are no fun to read when you jump from 1 new mail to another!

And yes Andrei the net has been around for a while now! :-D
Real subtle! ;)

Gavin Pitt's picture

"Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now!"

btw- Your icon is the bestest thing ever~!

Anonymously Bored's picture

And I did it again! Forgot to un-check the follow-up box..

Gavin: yes I found it quite amusing too..

Andrei Trostel's picture

Haha My subtle is broken Mridul, but you know by now that I am never REALLY serious.
Just playing around buddy. ;-)

Oh and yes the icon is pretty hilarious.

I'm just really really sad that Eric from Trueblood didn't make it on your list and that Gary Oldman (as young Dracula) didn't get a mention either. Those two are about as sexy as male vamps get, but I guess that's what happens when you have a man (gay or otherwise) pick the sexiest. ;) and it is YOUR list so fair enough. Hi Andrei... your list was fine.


Andrei Trostel's picture

Hey O,
Thanks, Yeah Gavin and I disagreed on the list quite a bit and in the end decided it was best to just write two separate articles instead of trying to argue over who should be on the other's personal list, because I sure as hell wasn't putting Grace Jones on mine. HAHA!

many thanks to the autho. I like the way you start and then conclude your thoughts

Andrei Trostel's picture

You're very welcome. Although it is important to note that the article was started by one author and ended by another.


good us gril 18 to 20 years please give cantact

Andrei Trostel's picture

Personally I prefer my 18 to 20 year olds raw, not grilled.