Andrei Trostel

School

Evergreen State College

Hometown

North Bend, Washington

At a Glance

A sane person in an insane world would still be considered insane by everyone else.

Bio

Andrei is probably the most sarcastic person you could ever meet and you should never take him too seriously. You can also follow his snarky views of the world via Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Google+

Column




Sarcastic, eye-opening observations from someone crazy enough to tell you the truth and leave you questioning your own reality.

Five Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2014

Five things I’m looking forward to in 2014, otherwise known as “The International Year of Family Farming, Crystallography and Small Island Developing States.”
Jan 25, 2014

Santa Baby, I'm a Materialistic Whore

What we've got here is Madonna, singing in a little girl voice to what could only be construed as her dad, dressed up as Santa. Or in other words, "GROSS, DUDE."
Dec 20, 2013

Top 5 Sexiest Female Ghosts

The Top 5 Sexiest Female Ghosts, granted their title for no other reason than sheer hotness, regardless of how much their movie or TV show was devoid of substance.
Oct 20, 2013

A Loon with a View Centennial

Since 2008, I've written 99 articles for Points in Case. So in honor of this here 100th article milestone, I thought I'd take us all on a little trip down memory lane.
Sep 30, 2013

Lance Armstrong Has Always Been a Douchebag

Lance Armstrong is a an egotistical, home wrecking, hypocritical, lying, cheating, criminal, douchebag, dickhead, drug addict... who also raised money for cancer.
Mar 19, 2013

Why the Pope Really Resigned

The fact that it's been 600 years since the last Pope quit and every Pope since then has died in office should probably tell you something. He's retiring his moral compass.
Feb 24, 2013

Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2013

I for one am looking forward to watching The Vampire Diaries while fantasizing about Nina Dobrev without Mitt Romney or Barack Obama interrupting my salacious thoughts.
Jan 16, 2013

The Illicit Meaning Behind Christmas' Most Seductive Song

It's time to overanalyze another Christmas song that you'll NEVER EVER be able to hear again without your mind going to a very dark place.
Dec 19, 2012

Five Things That Seem Much Smaller Than They Really Are

Words, ideas and inventions may seem insignificant, but it's often their impact that is way bigger than any shockingly large technological contraption.
Dec 3, 2012

We Should Recall Stupid People, Not Everyday Products

Every day there is another unnecessary product recall that could have been wholly avoided with the simple addition of just a modicum of common sense.
Sep 26, 2012

Comedy Wants to Be Politically Incorrect

Comedians need to recognize that the moment they start apologizing for their jokes is the moment they've ceased to be a good comedian. Stop censoring yourselves!
Aug 31, 2012

The Fifty Shades of Grey Matter

Fifty Shades of Grey proves once and for all that women are by far, THE MORE SEXUAL of the two genders. If you doubt that for a second, just look at the sale demographics of the trilogy.
Aug 7, 2012

Five Things You Didn't Know About the Amish

I made a trip to Lancaster, PA to learn everything I could about the Amish, because I like to do more than read about stuff on Wikipedia. What I discovered will shock you.
Jul 12, 2012

Official PIC Contest Result: The Book of Revelation

The stench in the air is only slightly more appalling than the sounds of screams emanating from every horizon. It was here that it began and here that the winner will be decided...
Jun 18, 2012

The Rapeocalypse: Official PIC Contest Rules

Write something funny and offensive about the "Four Signs of the Rapeocalypse" (preferably containing enough religious references to make the Pope cry) and win a prize pack!
May 8, 2012

From First to Last Note: Skrillex Drops It Hard

I've heard a lot of my friends say how dubstep is just a bunch of noise that isn’t even remotely music, especially when it comes to Skrillex. So I just want to say, FUCK YOU, WE HAD A PACT!
Apr 18, 2012

When You See Samantha, You'll Shit a Brick

If you haven't heard of Samantha Brick, she's the woman who's ignited global debates with an article titled: "There are downsides to looking this pretty": Why women hate me for being beautiful.
Apr 6, 2012

Probably Somebody is Watching

Takeru was taken aback by all the elaborate cosplay costumes and lavish excess of the people in the Capitol. It was a stark contrast from the poverty and starvation that accompanied the thirteen districts.
Mar 23, 2012

Rolling in Her Deep

I recently got a call from a producer who wanted to meet in California for some kind of brainstorming consultation to get comedic ideas for his next project. The results will surprise you.
Mar 15, 2012

Black Monday: The Day After the Super Bowl

Just because I have a penis and happen to cross your path today doesn't mean I give two shits about how you watched sweaty men chase other sweaty men around all last night.
Feb 6, 2012

Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2012

Finally, we can enjoy the fall of North Korea, another plethora of "I Voted" stickers, and the most highly publicized apocalyptic failure in history. You're alright, 2012.
Jan 7, 2012

The Little Drummer Boy Gets Fucked Again

What better Christmas song to completely twist and misintrept the original meaning than my least favorite, "The Little Drummer Boy." The Catholic Church will not be happy.
Dec 16, 2011

Five Things That Seem Much Bigger Than They Really Are

With just enough hyper-extreme exaggeration, you can spin just about anything to seem much bigger than it really is. Here are few highlights, including cell phone issues and your appetite.
Dec 1, 2011

The Idea of the Apocalypse Has Never Been So Wrong

As I lay prone on the ground and wait for the inevitable end of my days, I run the translations again in my mind as the events finally unfold. The Raptor is now upon me.
Oct 20, 2011

iSorry, But Steve Jobs was a Dick

What Steve Jobs did was create an army of narcissistic, self-centered, self-absorbed, zombie clones by sucking their very souls into his world like Shang Tsung.
Oct 17, 2011

Facebook Redesign for Dummies

It happened again: Facebook redesigned everything and your mind exploded all over everyone's news feed! Don't worry, I'm here to help you figure out how to navigate all this new Facebook stuff.
Sep 22, 2011

I Know What You Didn't Do Last Week

Guess which one of the following things I did NOT do while on vacation last week. The first person to guess the right answer wins a Points in Case t-shirt!
Aug 31, 2011

The Creepy Art of the Female Bathroom Ninja

Here I am sitting on the toilet in a public bathroom in complete darkness and the freakin lights went out. Surely there must be better ninja ways of fooling motion sensors.
Aug 14, 2011

Google, Plus a Whole Lot of Hype

What can I say about Google+ that hasn't been said before about every other social networking site that has preceded it? Pretty much nothing, it's all EXACTLY THE SAME.
Jul 28, 2011

Top Ten Most Annoying Drivers

Few things in this world annoy us more than idiot drivers. I don’t know what it is that gets our blood boiling so much since we’ve all been 'that driver' at some point.
Jun 30, 2011

The Catholic Church Finally Gets Anal About Sexual Abuse

The Vatican recently released a letter telling bishops to report sex abuse to the police, showing the world that they finally mean (unofficial) business when it comes to morality.
May 24, 2011

Oh Shit, I'M the Asshole

We've all been there, some of us more than others. It's that moment just after doing something where you realize YOU are actually the asshole, not the other person.
Apr 30, 2011

I'm Buggin' Over Stink Bugs (Halomorpha halys)

The arch nemesis of this war chronicle is the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug, something that looks like it crawled/flew right out of the Jurassic Period. I must kill ten to twenty of these a day.
Apr 15, 2011

Get Out of My Comment Box

I don't know if this is your first time using the internet or what, but you can't own a comment section, regardless whether it's under your published article or not. So stop pissing and moaning.
Mar 29, 2011

Why Do Men Still Pee Standing Up?

Mark my words ladies, if you put Tinkle Targets in the toilet at every party you throw, then eventually he'll get the message and pee sitting down from then on.
Mar 20, 2011

What the Hell is Up with Roadside Memorials?

Roadside memorials seem to be getting bigger, more elaborate, more bizarre, and even more distracting lately, which, ironically, also defeats their purpose.
Feb 24, 2011

What is the Best Remedy for Dealing with VD?

Pay attention men: Valentine's Day is a holiday where minimal effort can make the woman in your life feel loved and appreciated, thus leading to a night of sex for you.
Feb 9, 2011

Five People to Mess with in Coffee Shops

From the Line Nazis to the Overly Loving Couple, here are five morning coffee shop crazies and the best ways to mess with them for your morning amusement.
Jan 30, 2011

Things I'm Looking Forward to in 2011

2011 has the potential to be great. But first we need better WikiLeaks, another apocalypse, a rehabed Lindsay Lohan, and the death of Betty White.
Jan 14, 2011

Going Down? The Epic Struggle Between God and Lucifer

I was getting into a parking garage elevator when I looked down and saw a tiny little comic book sitting on the floor. I have presented it here for you, with my snarky commentary.
Dec 15, 2010

Words and Phrases I Often Use Incorrectly

There are certain words and phrases in the English language that, for whatever reason, I just can't bring myself to say correctly. Like, 'for all intensive purposes' and 'mute point.'
Dec 4, 2010

I'm Buggin' Over Cave Crickets (Rhaphidophoridae)

One of my biggest nemeses in the insect world is the cave cricket, something that quite literally crawled its way out from the depths of the underworld.
Nov 12, 2010

Top 10 Things Hotels Make Me Want to Do, Part Two

Hotels always make me want to do certain activities that I usually don't do, or in some cases, do certain activities even MORE than I already do. Here are the top 10 activities.
Oct 12, 2010

Top 10 Things Hotels Make Me Want to Do, Part One

Hotels always make me want to do certain activities that I usually don't do, or in some cases, do certain activities even MORE than I already do. Here is a list
Oct 5, 2010

An Ode to Ashley Garmany's Pikachu

Sometimes, as a writer, you get inspired by the strangest things. In this case my inspiration was Ashley Garmany peeing in the ocean, and her sand-filled vagina.
Sep 9, 2010

Pictionary Intervention

I hate playing Pictionary, not because I can't draw, but because it’s the one game that people take too seriously, creating an awkward, uncomfortable evening.
Sep 1, 2010

Top 5 Things I Like to Do When I'm Sick

When I'm home sick there are several activities that take precedence over writing. Things like sleep, daytime soaps, and Barry White impressions.
Aug 13, 2010

Fuck That Fucking Jacuzzi: The Truth about Mel Gibson

Personally, I've always thought Mel Gibson was a pretty decent actor. Then it occurred to me that he wasn't acting when he played most of those roles.
Jul 23, 2010

Facebook Events: Apparently I'm Not Invited to Understand Them

I think it’s time I finally came clean about it once and for all. I just don’t understand Facebook Events and I have no idea what the etiquette is when I get invited to them.
Jul 9, 2010

Men vs. Women: Which is the More Sexual Gender?

One of the most common beliefs in society is that men are WAY MORE sexual than women, but upon closer inspection, that might not be the case after all.
Jun 30, 2010

Men vs. Women: Which is the More Emotional Gender?

It is widely accepted in society that women are WAY MORE emotional than men, but what if we factor in anger and tears equally?
Jun 22, 2010

Don't Worry New Hampshire, You Still Get Blown in a Big Way

According to a new survey by Condomania, New Hampshire is the state with the largest penises in America. Suck on that, America.
Jun 3, 2010

Marriage Stinks!

No, this isn't another article bashing marriage or praising single life, because I don't believe that crap. This is about the disgusting habit of FARTING in front of your girl!
May 20, 2010

Scents and Sensibility: The Lemon-Pine War

I like to secretly believe that there is an all out war going on between the citrus fruits and the trees of this planet, as both are trying to infiltrate every product I use.
May 14, 2010

Top 5 Reasons Americans are So Rude

Whether it's politics, cuisine, attitude, or history, one way or another the same question always arises: 'Why are Americans so rude?'
Apr 30, 2010

5 Gum: Apparently I'm Chewing It Wrong

Advertising in the gum industry has gotten out of control. As much as I would love to journey to outer space, sometimes I just want a piece of gum.
Apr 21, 2010

How to Get Started @Twitter

In Twitter world, you actually have to be nice and give a shit what other people say, instead of just randomly yapping to the world in bite-sized statements. Who knew?!
Apr 13, 2010

Guerrilla Knitting? Knitta Please!

It's called Guerrilla Knitting, otherwise known as urban knitting, knit graffiti, yarn bombing, knit tagging, or thread banging. And it's spreading fast.
Apr 1, 2010

Does Viagra Work on Normal, Healthy Men?

What we really need here is a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled, multi-tiered, reverse-roofie, Viagra fuck test. Volunteers?
Mar 26, 2010

The Five Types of Morning Coffee Crazies

A list of people you will find at the coffee preparation station and the best way to fuck with them for your own personal amusement.
Mar 18, 2010

Don't Worry New Hampshire, You Still Blow in a Big Way

New Hampshire used to pride itself on its world record for the fastest wind gust ever recorded on Earth. That is, until Australia took the wind out of its sails.
Mar 1, 2010

The Top 5 Things I Don't Understand About Men and Cars

Maybe it's the need for speed, the desire for attention, or just over-compensating for ridiculously tiny penises... whatever it is, I don't understand men and cars.
Feb 10, 2010

Are You There God? It's Me, Andrei

I understand that you're busy and all, but I just thought you should know that this 'plan' of yours pretty much blows! Leave shit alone down here!
Feb 1, 2010

Roxxxy, The World's First Lifeless Sex Robot

True Companion has developed the world's first sex robot, a life-size doll designed to engage you in conversation rather than lifelike movement. Uhh... sweet?
Jan 21, 2010

The Middle East Has a Huge Cock

On January 4th, 2010 the world's tallest building was opened in Dubai, otherwise known as We Want You to Think We Have a Huge Cock Land.
Jan 10, 2010

2010 Can Suck It

I'm not excited about 2010 at all; in fact, I’m rather disappointed with the progress of the human race in general. Still no flying cars? Really?
Jan 2, 2010

The Day Jesus Apparently Became a Pagan

A friendly game of Christmas questions at the church turns into an all-out war to win candy canes at any expense: even at the expense of Jesus himself.
Dec 17, 2009

Fuck The Little Drummer Boy, Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

If you really listen to The Little Drummer Boy song carefully, it's merely about a poor kid playing a drum for baby Jesus, pa rum pum pum pum.
Dec 11, 2009

Top Ten Reasons to Panic about Putin

I'm going to admit this at my own risk: I am highly disturbed by Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's bizarre acts of trying to prove his manliness.
Dec 4, 2009

You're Not Just Paying for Lip Service

To get all offended that an artist lip syncs on stage is no different than walking out on David Copperfield because he isn't ACTUALLY magical.
Nov 25, 2009

Ladies, Stop Cutting Your Hair!

Ladies, I'm here to tell you one of a man's innermost secret thoughts whenever we see that you got your hair cut: we wish you didn't.
Nov 13, 2009

Top Ten Places Sex is Overrated, Part 2

Ten super sultry places that in your mind seem to be sizzling and amazing places to have sex, but in reality aren't all you built them up to be.
Nov 6, 2009

Top Ten Places Sex is Overrated

Ten super sultry places that in your mind seem to be sizzling and amazing places to have sex, but in reality aren't all you built them up to be.
Oct 29, 2009

Splitting the Check Makes Me Want to Split Your Skull

There is nothing more awkward than those minutes of complete horseshit after the bill arrives at a group dinner.
Oct 22, 2009

Cure for the Bible Bump

The doctor x-rayed my wrist and told me that it healed perfectly. Only problem was, I had a stubborn Ganglion Cyst to get rid of.
Oct 16, 2009

Do You Want to be My Personal Penguin?

I'm officially holding interviews for a personal penguin. Your job is to dress up as a penguin and follow me around to parties and social gatherings.
Oct 9, 2009

There's Something About Mary Hair Gel Debacle of 1998

For a decade my grandmother scoured the planet trying to find more There's Something About Mary Hair Gel because 'it worked really well' for her.
Oct 3, 2009

Consumer Reports Wants Me to Kill You

Despite what the classic board game Clue would have you believe, there is really only one place in the house to commit a homicide.
Sep 25, 2009

Women Really ARE Stupid!

Now that I've chastised men, I figured I would expose some of women's stupidity too, since 'mankind' traditionally means everyone human.
Sep 20, 2009

The Fire Department Mocks Us!

I'm going to say it: the fire department is blatantly fucking with the general public for their own sick, twisted personal amusement.
Sep 11, 2009

Spell Chceker is Agiasnt Me!

As a dyslexic person, I rely on spell check. But recently I realized spell check is slowly working against me, even mocking me!
Sep 4, 2009

Men Really ARE Stupid!

A few important insights from the mind of a sexually secure, enlightened male who actually prefers hanging out with women. Listen up, men.
Aug 29, 2009

Top Ten Most Annoying Cell Phone Habits

From the tweenie flash texter to the technologically handicapped, the majority of you are completely rude and annoying mobile users.
Aug 20, 2009

Gillette: The Least a Man Can Expect

I'm tired of the escalation in 'razor technology' and their claims for the closest shave ever. It's time Gillette stops holding back.
Aug 14, 2009

Raining Tadpoles in Japan? Now That's News to Me!

Over the last two months Japan has been pelted from above by tadpoles, fish, frogs, dragonfly nymphs…even a mummified snake.
Aug 6, 2009

Daft Thunk: An Open Letter to Anonymous

Dear Anon, I appreciate your elaborate attempts to comment under multiple personalities in order to drive home your point. Unfortunately, you suck.
Jul 30, 2009

How I Avoided Every Apocalypse Since 1982

I have survived countless foretold apocalyptic horrors to date and the fact that I am actually alive to write this at all is simply mind-blowing.
Jul 23, 2009

Top Ten Most Disturbing Commercials (And the Companies to Avoid)

A list of the top 10 most disturbing commercials, and by public demonstration of their insanity, the top 10 companies you should certainly avoid.
Jul 16, 2009

Militant Simians Aren't Just Throwing Shit Anymore

Americans have overlooked the most disturbing and potentially dangerous militant groups this planet has ever seen: the Mexican Monkey Army.
Jul 9, 2009

The Painful Truth is Out There

Have you ever noticed that on commercials about Aspirin, Tylenol, or Advil people give out the medication still in the box? Nobody does that.
Jul 2, 2009

McDonald's Fucks You at the Drive-Thru!

In a shaky economy, it is important for any successful company to not just provide a sub-par product but to also suck the life force out of each and every customer.
Jun 25, 2009

Comedy Articles


Top 5 Sexiest Female Zombies
To a man, nothing is hotter than the idea of a woman who wants nothing more than to devour him, along with the guarantee that she's going to swallow.
Oct 28, 2012


My First Day at Church
As I walked up to the building for the first time, all of the altar boys in the church started pointing at me and whispering as if I was some kind of a freak.
Sep 22, 2012


Top 5 Sexiest Witches/Covens
Women have always wielded a magical power over men that can bring us to our knees, even though ironically they often cast those spells while on theirs. Here are TV and movies' hottest female witches.
Oct 27, 2011


Waxing Serious for Once on Points in Case
For this special PIC 10th anniversary, I'm going to do something that most people have never actually seen me do here: I'm going to be serious for once. Are you ready for it?!
Jan 6, 2011


Top 5 Sexiest Female Werewolves
Nothing says Happy Halloween like hot sexy women who look like they can and will tear you apart in a blink of an eye. Here are the top 5 female werewolves based on sheer hotness.
Oct 28, 2010


Giant Sunglasses Do Not Make You a Celebrity
Have you noticed how 'normal' people’s eyewear is reaching almost novelty store proportions? Unfortunately, celebs are still driving us to ridiculous trends.
May 29, 2009


An Open Letter to All Survivors
Attention all people who have been on or are going to be on the reality TV show Survivor: pay close attention to this article because it may just win you a million dollars someday. Or at the very least, stop you from looking like a total idiot on national
May 11, 2009


I am Going to Stab You Repeatedly, In Real Life
Social networking sites give people a sense of belonging and not being alone in the world. Yet this belonging is a facade and in reality is deteriorating real life human interactions. People are losing the ability to carry on a conversation.
Apr 4, 2009


Now Discontinued: Everything You Liked
Has anyone noticed that to like something these days is to instantly doom it to the realm of discontinued and thus endlessly search for an appropriate replacement? Yes, that includes all your favorite shampoos and TV shows.
Feb 16, 2009


If There's Ever a Zombie Attack, It Will Start at Home Depot
If there is ever a zombie attack I think the staging ground or headquarters will be at a Home Depot. Just the other day I was told by a staff member doing his best impression of a deranged homeless person, randomly wandering around in a daze, that 'I don'
Dec 12, 2008


Starbucks' Big Invention
The Starbucks 'Coffee Lid Sip Hole Plug Stopper Starbucks Lid': an ultra-clever little mass-produced piece of plastic designed to plug the tiny little two centimeter hole that you're SUPPOSED to drink your coffee from. Way to go, invention nerds.
Nov 12, 2008


The Self-Checkout Movement
Relieve overburdened employees and join the growing volunteer program at grocery stores everywhere: the self-checkout line!
Aug 24, 2008