The Mind of a Single Girl

Females come off all complicated, but deep down, it's a simple battle.

By staff writer Ali Wisch

Guys, I know you think girls are tres complicated. We over-analyze, over-exaggerate, and overreact. We get mad at you for no reason, we cry when Bambi’s mother dies, and we don’t understand your obsession with Halo. However when it comes to our daily lives, this may come as a shock, but we are a lot like you (with the exception that we don’t take craps, but you already knew that). We think about sex hourly (I know, not every five minutes, but I said we’re a LOT like you, not your fucking clone), we sit around and do nothing, we don’t clean up, and we don’t shower everyday; in other words, we’re not the put-together princesses that you get off to every night. So to give you guys a better idea of what it’s really like to be a girl in college, I present to you, a day in the mind of a single girl:

Fuck, I’m late.
How many times have I missed this class already?
Four. Damnit.
I don’t own any clothes.
Everything’s dirty, everything I own is dirty.
I need quarters.
Hmm, I wonder if anyone IMed me while I was sleeping...
No, I need to get ready for class.
Whatever, it will only take a minute.
, , , , , , , , .
Why am I checking my away messages, I should be getting ready for class.
I wonder if I have any email...
Don’t check it. DO NOT CHECK IT.
Damnit, no email.

Maybe if I just put on big sunglasses no one will notice I didn’t shower...
Or brush my teeth.
Yeah, big sunglasses are hot.
Damn I look good.
Why did that girl just look at me like that, who is she…
I’m definitely hotter than her. Ha.
Who is that guy, I’ve never seen him before...
Why didn’t he check me out?
Actually I’d never do him.
Oh...that’s probably his girlfriend, alright it’s okay.

Where is the cute guy that’s in this class.
Please come, please please co—
Oh sweet, he’s here.
And he’s sitting next to me.
I wonder what he’s like in bed.
I would dominate him...haha, I’m so dirty.
Ew, I’m not dirty.
I probably smell though...and I have to pee.

I should’ve gone to the bathroom before I left.
Damnit, I was too busy checking my fucking email.
I wonder if I have any voicemails...

Wow that class went fast.
I’m hungry.
That guy is hot.
I wonder if he has a girlfriend.
I’d definitely do him.
I’m probably hotter then his girlfriend.
I’m so conceited, god, I should shutup...
Oh whatever it’s just me.
Oh no wait, is that the guy with the small...
Yeah, that’s him, what a waste.

I haven’t had sex in like a month, I need to get laid.
Oh wait, haha, nevermind, I’m a dumbass.
Is it bad that I forgot about last weekend?
No, it wasn’t good anyways.
Oh shit there he is...
“Hey, how’s it going...”
God that was awkward.
Note: never to come to the cafeteria at this time again.
Hey, do you actually save those mental notes anyway?
Then what the hell do you do with them?! Whatever.
There's that guy I used to hook up with.
I was so drunk the last time we hooked up.
I drink too much.
Hmm, a glass of wine would be delish right now.

I should go check my mailbox.
YES, two letters.
I would like to inform you that you have an academic referral...
Fuck my fucking English fucking teacher that whore.
A letter from Grandma...twenty bucks!
Yes! I’m on top of the world!
Hmm, okay one pack of cigarettes...
I wonder if guys think smoking is gross.
It’s
hot in Europe.
I’m a hot Euro chick.
There’s that hot guy...
Okay lemme pretend to keep reading this letter.
Blah blah blah, yeah that’s right, look over here bitch...
I need to shower.

I don’t feel like shaving.
Europeans don’t shave.
I’m a hot Euro chick...
No that’s gross.
Shaving sucks, shaving sucks.
Done and done.
If I don’t have sex tonight it was a waste to shave.
If worse comes to worse I’ll just call what’s him name.
Wait...what IS his name?
Paul, Jack, John...
John, Jacob jingle himer schmidt, his name is MY name too.
Wow, blast from the past.
Raffi was the shit...I went to a Raffi concert once.
Note: do not tell anyone that.
Please at least save that one.
I need a drink.

Sweet, there’s beer in the fridge
I’m such a college girl.
Ahh, a beer at 4 in the afternoon.
I’m so cool.
No one IMed me while I was in class?
Oh I got signed off, that explains it...
I wonder if I have any email.
I’ll wait 'til tomorrow to check, then I’ll definitely have some.

I’m in the mood to go out tonight.
That’s just cause you're buzzed off of that beer.
Am I really buzzed off of one beer?
God damn, I’m a one beer queer.
I have to write a paper tonight.
Yeeaah, no.
Johnny Depp is so hot.
He has a girlfriend.
Fuck her.

Alright, I’m going to look good at dinner tonight.
I have NO clothes.
Actually I have no quarters.
Fuck paying for laundry.
This is bullshit.
I want a cigarette, wow I haven’t smoked one all day.
I wonder if I will get in trouble for smoking one out of my window...
Fuck my head resident...she’s a little whore.
I bet she takes it up the ass.
I would never take it up the ass.
Well, except maybe with my husband.
Ew.
Thinking a little far ahead aren’t we?
I need to stop talking to myself...

Continue to "The Mind of a Single Guy" »
Continue to "The Mind of a Single Guy, Part 2" »



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Classic

Ditto.

hahahaha good job ali!

Sorry, but guys don't think like that. Nor do we use the word "gross".

Guys think like this:

Man, she's hot, I wanna fuck her in the ass.
Fuck class, I'm gonna go jerk off instead.
Alright, I jerked off, I'm gonna eat and go to bed.

This is about what women think, dumbass.

sorry but guys don't think like that either...

funny article. girls are inherently crazy, but other than that i could see them thinking sort of like guys (aside from using any logic or rationale when handling disagreements). you hit the nail on the head with how girls think about other girls, from what i've heard.

oh, and pcb...i think a better analyzation of how most guys think would be "man, she's hot, i wanna fuck her." the (in the ass) part might be some sort of skeleton in your closet...

barely better than the guy's one, and that isn't saying much. the Plessy vs. Ferguson of bad internet articles.

Crap. I hope you're making alot of that shit up to be "funny". Otherwise I'm embarassed for you.

haha the shaving part is so ture, and guys always wonder why women are always cold. It's because we have to shave everything under our necks.....

I think the word is conceited (not conceded, your spellcheck gave you the wrong homophone).
Otherwise, good job on capturing the mind of girl's....somewhat.

I think you are close to spot on, ali.

I had the (mis)fortune of living with four (4) girls last year. All my preconceptions, expectations and things I had been led to believe my whole life were wrong. WRONG.

Girls do drop the nastiest dueces and forget to flush. Girls do call each other cunts and axe wounds.

Girls are just as horny as guys and seem to have no qualms with ye olde one nighter. Or masturbation. with TOOLS.

Girls only become good at dishes, laundry and cooking AFTER mairrage.

GIrls like to sit around and do nothing but scratch their ass and play with themselves. BUT ONLY WHEN THEY THINK NO ONE IS LOOKING.

and the list goes on. I sure learned a lot in that year. it's been priceless

Close... I lived in a sorority house along with 20 other girls for a year. The dimmer ones seemed to hold onto this thought process. And man, did it show.

I think on average, most of us middle-intelligent college girls think more along these lines:

Too early, fuck dressing nice.
...and showering.
...and brushing teeth.
I love Scope.
PJ's work.
Too cold. Need a scarf
...and a hat.

Why did I choose this dorm...
it's the farthest from class.
God it's cold.
I want to go back to bed.

Class sucks.
Now I'm sweating.
That paper was due today?
Fuck...
Note to self: email teacher...
play sympathys.
Will do it tomorrow.
...better start sooner.
Oh good, an excuse to leave early.

Whoa, almost ran into cute guy.
He had the same idea.
Haha. Sweet.
"Wanna get some food?"
Guys love food.
I love food.
Not the cafeteria food though...
Note to self: avoid cheap dairy.

Lunch was fun.
I liked his PJs.
Time to shower?
Fuck, they're all taken.
I hate living here.
Need to get my own place.
No... don't want to cook.
Cafeteria food isn't too bad.

Homework sucks.
My head hurts.
Roommate wants to go out tonight.
What the hell.
Wait, paper to do.
I'll half-ass it.
Shit, gotta email teacher.

Done.
I love being a girl sometimes.

Ok, shower's open.
Haven't shaved in a while... better do it.
I hate being a girl sometimes.
Don't know why guys complain...
No conditioner, no shower gel...
only their face to shave...
well, most of them.
Fuck guys... why am I shaving anyway?
Oh yeah... cute guys.

I smell gooooood.
I love smelling good.
Oh.. Simpsons are on!

I love the Simpsons.

Time to go out.
Fuck, it's cold.
Jeans and a tank top?
What the hell.
I won't be outside too long.

Fuck it's cold...
why didn't I wear something warmer?
Three beers is enough.
Still have to do that paper.
"Can I steal your hoodie for a bit?"
Sweet.

I love being a girl sometimes.

Oooh, CSI is on!
I love CSI.

Damn, I'm tired.
Paper still due.
Fuck it. I'll write it tomorrow.
Who's hoodie is this?

haha i love when people take a long and thoughtful time to bash an article. its so fucking lame. what do you expect. take the advice your mother always told you: if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all.

That is <i>so </i>me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like that and talks to themselves.

ok....i guess i could relate to all of that except for the smoking and drinking part, yeah yeah i know I am probably one of like 20 college girls that don't do it...oh, and Johnny Depp is so not hot... but then again I still hold on to my childhood crush The Fresh Prince, lol.

hahaha im a freshman in college right now. and thats exactly how it is! hahahha. good life right there hahaa

VERY funny, cause this is all true, BUT this doesn't just go through the <i>single</i> girls head... =P

brav-fucking-o

that was fucking hallarious...

and completely true...like, wow

<i>Here goes my version:</i>

6:57, What the hell? Why do I always wake up right before my alarm goes off? It's pointless to try and get those extra 3 minutes of sleep in. Fuck it.

I'll set it for 7:15...I mean no matter how long it takes me to get ready I always look good right? Duh.

God my alarm is annoying! How the hell can anyone wake up to that shit every morning and still have a good day? Ugh!

Oh my god I have horrible morning breath. Sick! And I drooled all over my pillow.

Wow I'm disgusting.

Let's see how broken out is my face this morning? Eh..not too bad. Nothing a few pounds of foundation can't fix.

I really wish I didn't have to shower. My hair sucks..it's so fucking greasy.

Wow I have wierd boobs. I wonder if other girls think that their boobs are that wierd. Ohhh cold water. Now they look normal.

Damn my shampoo smells good. It's almost gone..I use way to much conditioner.

I think I need to shave my armpits...oh well I'll just wear long sleeves today.

Is that a zit on my chest? No way. Where's my loofa? Gross. God I'm fucking gross.

If my boyfriend saw me without make-up he would dump me. Oh well I can find someone hotter. He's got a space between his teeth anyway. He talks with kind of a lisp. Oh fuck it.

Duh you retard you're not even broken up. You have to like him. Even though his best friend is really hot and I swear he wants me.

Of course he wants me. I'm probably the second hottest girl in my grade. When I'm all made-up of course. Otherwise I'm a dog. Barf.

Wow I have no clothes. I think I wore these jeans just two days ago.

Yah, there's something on them. They're wrinkled. Eh..I'll just iron them nobody will ever know.

I think I'll try a little harder today. This bra makes my boobs look the biggest.

This shirt is cute.

Nope..to tight try again. Screw it, I'm not dressing up. T-shirt it is.

Oh fuck these jeans dont have pockets on the ass. Now I have to change my underwear. Where's that black thong? Dirty? Shit. My mom really needs to catch up on laundry.

This pink one's good enough I guess.

I am so boring.

Maybe I won't eat lunch today. I think I'm losing my high metabolism.

I have way too much eyeliner on. Hey look it's Raccoon girl!!

Oh my god, I forgot to do Chem again.

Oh nevermind, I have a study hall.

No I don't...UGH fuck gym class.

Shit now I have to find gym clothes. I knew I should've shaved my legs.

Why the hell did I get stuck with this hair. I hate it. I wish I was a guy. I wouldn't have to do anything in the morning. I'd probably still be asleep.

If I was a guy I would be so fucking hot.

I think I'm going to try and be really nice to everyone today. Even the kid in Bussiness Management that parts his hair and wears cowboy boots. Yah...but last time I was nice to him he grabbed my ass. Well what can I say, I do have a pretty nice ass.

I don't have time to eat breakfast...good girl. Last thing I need is another cinnamon roll.

Shut up you only weigh 125 lbs...and you're like 5'9''. That's good. Your skinny.

You're pretty. Every guy wants you. They might not all know it yet, but they do.

I hope that me and my boyfriend do more than just make out tonight. He's such a pussy. God. I'm not making the first move. He needs some balls. We're probably just going to sit and watch some gay movie and I'll fall asleep on him like I always do.

He thinks I'm just tired. Really, he's just boring.

I'm such a bitch. Thank God I know how to be fake. If people knew what a bitch I really was I would have no friends.

Ha, like I have any now.

I hate girls. They're such sluts. Am I a slut? ....Eh..I'll compromise & say permiscuous. Yah, that's a good word. I'm so fucking smart. I'm the total package.

Okay not really but If I say I am I'll feel like it.

Yah, I have too much eyeliner on.

I applaud you. *claps* I love this, it's almost (but not quite) me. :lol:

ummm, yeah, no where like guys... well not like me.

yeah so me
----
4 PM - why the hell is my phone ringing... stop calling me... I wish my phone had silent when charging! Why don't I just turn it off, oh yeah I'm self obsessed and want to complain that people call while I sleep... ok... ignore phone.

"Yeah, what do you want... sleeping... fuck you... ill call you back when I wake up."

ah crap go back to bed ass hat class ain't for 2 more hours.

sleep

i said sleep

ah fuck it I want to hear some fischer spooner

damn you linux I hate you. Crash again in my sleep do you... I will smash you, SMASH YOU! But you run so fast on my PIII....

Ahhhh Fear Factory!

Wait wasn't I supposed to listen to Fischer Spooner, strange change of mood there... eh whatever. SHOWER!

I shower to much... washa washa washa

"oh the ol' grey whore, kinda fat and juicy free, ain't like she use to be... the ol' grey whore"

I have to remember the rest of that song, I love that song. Shower singing is like so awesome... i need an emmy.

Crap phone again... why do they always call when im in the shower... crap GAIM again... why do they always IM while I'm in the shower... Ah crap I need to crap, why do I always have to crap during a shower and not before it?

Fuck them. Brusha da teeth. Remember to put floss, remember to floss, brusha brusha brusha...

::doesn't floss::

remember to put that crap on your teeth the dentist told you to because you ate to much sugar as a kid... remember...

::doesn't put stuff on teeth::

crap, I'll just brush again later, yeah I'll do it then.

I'm self obsessed, oh look at that sexy guy in the mirror, HOT, mmmm, ewww you're a dork... but I'm just so hot.

::read book::

You know I should like so work on this game but I'm to lazy

::read more of torque book::

stupid computer

class! YEY! class... where my teacher is a dumb ass. Oh yeah

::go to class and ignore teacher::

so yeah if I like rotate a sphere from like 0 to pi and create a 4nth sphere it would have a 3D quasi-infinite surface and; FUCK class is over what the hell did we learn today, ask someone, come on ask some one... oh yeah they hate me... thats why they don't sit in my row... or is it that I'm a sexist bastard who yells dirty words all class?

that's pretty unintelligent..congratulations, moron

Thats what we do best. Continually Bashing Morons Everywhere!

Yea, that was really stupid. I'll agree that girls aren't as "clean" as guys may think we are, but your inner dialogue made us sound way too bitchy. I think you tried way too hard with this one.

I love how many people took the time to write their own versions of this. Because everyone REALLY wants to know...

Doesn't sound at all like my day...

The mind of a single man - summarized

How many times have I missed this class? Ten? Fuck, why am I here for the eleventh this quarter then.

Everything is dirty and this girl is giving me a disgusted face. Well fuck her then, like her pussy is never stank.

God I'm the ugliest guy in the room. Least I know that every one of the other guys is a pre-pubescent wanna-be fuck maniac like me.

God there's another annoying girl checking her email/voicemail. Why the fuck does she need to talk to another loser boyfriend when she can get plenty of man juice right over here.

I haven't had sex recently... oh well I choose not to because I don't want to go back to the hospital and deal with another fucking VD.

There's that girl I hooked up with. Fucking ABORT lunch quick before she notices. Shit she noticed. Speak a foreign language. Fuck I should've paid attention in Spanish...

Her: Hey KYLE!
Me: Que?

Fuck there's a beer in the fridge. What happened to the other 29 from last night?

All celebs are not hot because their selective hoes and fuck, I don't need that shit anyway. If I ever meet A. Jolie or J. Alba I would fuck them though regardless of their status quo. Runner up - Jessica Simpson.

I wonder if that girl that lives below me takes it up the ass? Might as well go find out.

As you can see, girls differ way much more.

Haha!! That was sooo much like it's freaky.. kool!!

No, girls are absolutely nothing like guys.

yeah that's nothing like me at all

this isn't my whole day these are just some random thoughts that frequently pop into my head

1)i would fuck anything with a pussy right now

2)omg I hate myself i wish i was that guy i bet he doesn't have any problems or anyone else in the room for that matter

3)omg shes hot...don't stare don't stare don't stare fuck she saw me

4)maybe if i just procrastinate enough someone else will do it

5)oh well your a bitch fuck you...shit i wanna fuck you so bad(thinks of the many explicit things i would do to her for a good 15 minutes)

6)talk to her you fucking idiot

7)if you don't talk to her ill slam my head again the wall continuously when i get home

8)ok go to the bathroom right now and slam ur head into the bricks

9)ouch...ouch...ouch...ouch

10)fuck where did she go?

11)oh there she is...fuck..ill just pretend i couldn't find her

some of my thoughts:
I'm tired...
My thoughts suck....
Heil Hitler....
Fuck you ugly bitch....
Mozart/Vivaldi is so amazing...
I don't want to go to class...
*insert class lecture processing thoughts here*...
why do all these dumb faggots on this site not pay attention in class...
I need to fit in better...
*insert name* is a pretty nice *insert gender*...
I don't really like Hitler but it sure is fun to pretend...
damn, nice ass on her...
I think i'll wail one out...
I think i should change my major...
My clothes look like shit, I hate being poor...
Damn, I should have taken the elevator...
Fuck this annoying whore...
I gotta take a piss...
I should stop screwing around and do some school work...
I shouldn't drink tonight, but I love beer.....fuck it
I'm such a fat bastard...
House is such an awesome show...
Why am I posting on this stupid site...
How did I even find this site?...
Fuck everyone...
أنا تعبان

Lol...That so many girls out there who want perfectly. But sometimes they don't take their time to control what they have.

just to make a few things clear: smoking is not hot in europe. and "euro chicks" do shave. you're all welcome to visit europe and get to know us a bit better ;)

paha this chick seems like such a loser.

You suck..

haha,wow I didnt think girls thought that way..well some college girls,haha I dont think every girl is the same though,althought what you wrote sounds like the average single girl thinking..And btw,us guys dont think anything like that at all.Here goes a bit on how we think:
Guy:
Fuck im going to be late to school again
Why the fuck is that light still red,shit im gonna be late,(drives away madly speeding)...
Shit I need to take a leak,(pit stop to the restroom)..
Why did that guy just pass by with a feathered hat?(gay much??)
Dammm that girl is hot as hell,I would let her have it all night long.(a bit of a boner)0.o
Im bored of this class,I wish I was at home playing Modern Warfare...
Bout time school is over,fuck school...
Dammm another hot chick(looking back to stare at that ass)>>Damm I would tear that shit up!!!
(Guy gets home and turns on tv,while eating pizza)...

The End

Credits...

Producers...

yo gringo wasap yo, gringo pipol ar so funny hahaha , especialy gringo girls they're exactly the same as retrated on dis post, hahaha

Hey gringo nice comment but by the way don't you need just a little bit of correction on your grammar beside that everyone on planet has retarded thoughts but this is the only place where they look normal dude
Shit hot girl nine oclock
ohhh this is such a good spot for staring
uhhhh such a tight ass its smoking
I would smoke that shit got to run I m late for class

I wan't to fuck someone or have sex ..

Does ny single girl wan't to fuck me or have sex w me..let me know soon