During my recent search for supplemental income, I turned to Craigslist—the most trusted, reliable source of employment opportunities available today, according to Fortune and Harvard Business Review. Read More »

There's been enough salacious commentary by sports journalists, newscasters, and TMZ on the Tiger debacle to last a decade. The scandal even made the incredibly competitive list of top-celebrity-crises-people-actually-give-a-shit-about in the year 2009, falling somewhere in between Michael Jackson's death and Kanye's hijacking of Taylor Swift's moment of glory. Read More »

This is my poem for you.

You left me.

I loved you.

I loved you as the wind blows in the trees and as a duck floats on a pond. Our love was real. Our love was true. Our love was like a cat that had ample milk to drink in a bowl of purity.

Then there was her. Read More »

Hey, buddy, it's me, your liver. I need to talk to you about last night.

What the hell were you thinking? 20 shots of whiskey? That would kill a normal man. But luckily you're not a normal man. You're an idiot. But it's okay. You were chasing the shots with Red Bull and vodka. So not only were you hammered off your ass, you were really energetic. That definitely came in handy when you had to run away from that homeless man you pissed on. Moron. Read More »

In 2003 Madonna kissed Britney.

In 2004 Justin Timberlake exposed our innocent minds to Janet Jackson's pierced right nipple.

In 2005 some rapper dissed another rapper, but that was so lame it barely made the news. Even I know rappers don't make the news unless they get shot.
Read More »

A few days ago I saw a sign advertising a 49-cent breakfast biscuit special at a local fast food slop hole, a deal which for a lot of us is too good to pass up. At face value, it seemed like a pretty good deal. That is until you start adding up what it really was going to cost you. Read More »

Dear Fred,

I'm sure by now you have realized I'm gone. It's not that I didn't love you. I did. We had some really great times in the early days. Do you remember the night we spent at the Bedrock Library? Remember they had to throw out all those books? Read More »

Now that my generation is coming of age and starting to produce offspring, I am noticing a disturbing trend: I click on my "Friend Suggestions" on Facebook and I see an array of mushy, round heads with huge, glossy eyes. The last names are always familiar, but I know I didn't go to college with these people because the people in question are fucking babies. Read More »

Is there a God? Let's assume there is. If there is, He (or She) is pissed. Must be. Here's why...

Because we believe we deserve heaven just because we went to church once.

Because our children have children as soon as they hit puberty.

Because we "dis" Mother Nature, as in "discard, disembowel, disfigure, disasterize." Read More »

Recently, a great man passed away. I think it's safe to say we will all miss him dearly for the joy he brought into our lives, and that it was certainly too early for him to go. So many summer afternoons, we'd take his best stuff out into the sun and enjoy it at our barbeques. Read More »

I am better than you. It's not your fault. It's just the truth. I wish it weren't, really. I wish I wasn't handsome and wealthy. I wish my genetics weren't superior to yours in every way. I wish my privileged background hadn't provided me with an advanced education and global perspective. Honestly, I do. Read More »

So, it was late last night, and I had a paper that I didn't want to write and a midterm for which I didn't want to study. Naturally, I was IMing a friend and browsing YouTube when I was suddenly struck by the memories of some of the things that I fear most in life. Read More »

I want to meet the asshole who decided that an ill-fitting polo with pleated khaki pants would somehow be the outfit most conducive to a productive workplace. Then I want to give him a swift kick in the balls. Read More »

I believe it was the winter of 1984; my father and I were out having dinner to celebrate my birthday. Read More »

There is a substantial subset of people who find PIC through Google searches. Two of the classics they often stumble upon are Nate's "How to Be a Drug Dealer" and "How to Get Away with Murder" articles. Read More »