False Starts to My New Noir Novel
Mother slapped me. She was a former NYPD detective, eighty-eight years old and in the early stages of dementia.
Tag: Writing
Emeline, Please Respond, For the Squid’s Power Only Grows
An orange squid has entered my dreams, watching me practice my ascending spin and barrel sculls with languid disinterest. I cannot banish him.
Your Honest Summer 2019 Reading List
New Yorker cartoons: You love The New Yorker. You READ The New Yorker. But 9 times out of 10 you buy The New Yorker for those sweet, sweet cartoons.
New York Rats Are Writing Cover Letters Now? This Needs to Stop
"I don’t have any fancy degrees. I’ve never read Murakami. I’ve never read anything, actually. I can’t speak English and I’ve bitten people."
Incomplete Drafts of My Cover Letter for a Summer Internship
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.
Modern Male Authors Rework Literary Classics by Women
"A Room of One’s Own" by Stieg Larsson: But, you may say, we asked you to speak about women who don’t take any shit and the stories they tell
Places Where You Could Actually Get Some Writing Done
In the office of your old English professor, the one who took arbitrary points off and wrote "doesn't work," with his lifeless body as a footstool.
Ransom Note From a Kidnapper Who Just Took a Creative Writing Class
We stormed into your backyard like Viking hordes, and heaved your precious boy into a burlap sack, the rough fibers scratching his tousled hair.
Goodbye to “All That”: By Kenan Thompson in 2001
Someone once said that "All That" is for the very young and the same people when they’re 28 and nostalgic. For me, "All That" is a moment in time.
Optimize Your Originality by Copying Famous Creatives’ Daily Habits
Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): Awoken by spousal uppercut at 6:30, the philosopher began an impressive washing regimen; Kant felt his mind was sharpened by pouring pitchers of cold water over himself.
Leaked Emails of a Hollywood Executive Desperately Pitching a Coen Brothers Cinematic Universe
How about this: It’s 2000 in LA, and Walter Sobchak & The Dude are bowling, when who should walk in, but none other than Marge Gunderson!
Introducing Our Latest Groundbreaking Piece of Gym Equipment: The Dialectical
This contraption will gyrate you vigorously while asking you about sense-certainty, the super-sensible, and collective consciousness.