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Tag: Sleep

This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.

If I travel back in time, we need to have a code word to indicate to the other person that I have time-traveled. Our code word will be “arugula.”

Observation: Heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, numb left arm. Hypothesis: I'm having a heart attack and I will die soon.

Just a short walk to the train: The nearest subway stop is a mile away and trains don’t stop there on weekends.

"That resembles nothing of a telephone, and I should know, I once lost a beloved terrier to Alexander Graham Bell in an ill-advised wager."

Zoboomers love to slip in hip cool slang like “fire,” “drip,” and “lit” to help better blend themselves in with the younger generation.

If we should be in the elevator together I'll be looking at my phone the whole time, but that's just because I have so many friends to keep up with.

After living the bore of your nine-to-five stability, you’re ready for some extra, life-long, exciting (did I say “life-long”?) responsibility.

Let me wipe off the shaving cream and stow my kit bag where the emergency phone used to be.

Also, need I remind you, I didn’t try to lasso the waiter with it---I did lasso the waiter with it.

Delete all the photos on your social media that indicate you ever had a life before children. Replace them with a solid wall of photos of your kids.

The situation has changed, soldier. You’ve shacked up with ultimate germ vector: A human male.