“Beowulf” Is a Total Rip-off of My Life
The monster in the poem “dwelt in the moor-fens, the marsh and the fastness”--and guess what, that’s exactly where my monster dwelt.
Tag: Satire
How to Be an Agreeable Long-Term Alien Guest
Be tidy. If you have showered in body fluids, towel off before excursions.
Broadcast of a Baseball Game Between Dads Checking on a Sound in the Middle of the Night with Baseball Bats and Louisville Slugger Factory Workers Who Test Bats for Quality Assurance
The dads effectively hit everything except the ball causing a lot of property damage while the factory workers could not settle on a bat.
I Am the Menacing Voiceover from a Horror Movie Trailer and I’m Just Trying to Order a Pizza
MINDLESS EATING MACHINES, TO STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN. FOR MAN IS THE WARMEST PLACE TO HIDE. For $2 more the pizzas come with extra cheese.
I’m Hanging Off the Edge of a Cliff and There Has Never Been a Better Time to Podcast!
Looking down and seeing my legs dangling over a 400-foot drop has helped me to put certain decisions I’ve made about my life into focus.
Lab Rat Resigns, Looks for Better Pellet-Dispensing Gig
My hours are long, there’s no clock, and my wages are… well it’s just the pellets, isn’t it?
I’m an English Teacher in a Horror Movie, and These Budget Cuts Are Really Starting to Hurt
Their parents, who are never in town, don’t answer my emails, so parent-teacher conferences are as big a joke as life insurance in this town.
These Babysitters Club Members Do Not Exist
Fennel: The least soluble kid in her grade. A boss baby who doesn’t care about boys or cornbread.
A Guide to Strong and Weak Passwords from Someone Who Definitely Didn’t Murder Her Husband
Don’t use the names of people you know, such as your husband---whose disappearance 12 years ago was a tragic accident you’re still really sad about.
I Own Bob’s Nut Kicker Funhouse, and No One Wants to Work Anymore
We offer employees (or Smash Testes Dummies as they’re known around here) a competitive salary of $2.50 an hour plus any tips!
Please Excuse the Smell on This Train Platform, I’m Making a Bit of a Soup
Nonna’s soup needs to be simmered in a big-bottomed cauldron for 14 days and 14 nights. Do you know how hard it is to find a premium cauldron in New York?
A Personal Email from Netflix: We Are Suspending Your Streaming Access to “Gilmore Girls,” Effective Immediately
A Gilmore Girls Crisis Intervention Special Projects Team performed a full investigative report of your viewing history and internet browser history.