Satire | Page 53 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

As you know, I have just spent the holiday season visiting family in my hometown, Fir Tree Falls.

I’m the worst, aren’t I? I was so adamant it was, like, the only thing I wanted for Christmas.

Jesus was born on a virgin. A virgin is a kind of a airplane. There was a pilot there called Punch Us.

If this is a medical emergency or if suspicious men are breaking into your place of worship, hang up and dial 911.

I give you that quick dopamine rush that makes you feel like your life is actually in your own control.

9:45 AM: “Talk to me,” I say, as I answer my phone.

I know you’ve seen the TikTok reels and DIY YouTube videos, but you do not want to live in a van.

They say time heals all wounds, but that’s only for people who aren’t known by a nickname based on their biggest insecurity.

As you run your fingers over my spine, you think: “This is it. This is the year I get my shit together.”

I'll cut to the chase. The tunnel was too long and the light at the end was not bright enough.

Don’t get me wrong—on paper, you had pretty much everything we were looking for. But your experience was not at our company, in this exact position.

You’re here to risk it all on totally digital experiences without a shred of realistic worth, and I’m talking about shrimp.