I’m Your Childhood Boy Band Crush, and I’m Finally Available to Date You
I still have all 327 of your fan letters from 1997--kick-ass Lisa Frank stationary, by the way--and I’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond.
Tag: Satire
For Sale: Charming 2 Bed/2 Bath Cape Cod with Paul Reiser Room!
This room also differs from other rooms in the home in that it features multiple bronze Paul Reiser statues bolted directly to the floor.
My Self-Driving Car Lets Me Focus On It Killing Me
Better to be in a state of terrified anxiety that your autopilot could end your life at any moment.
9 Easy Life Hacks That Definitely Aren’t Black Magic, Trust Us
Life Hack: Take some plastic and wrap it around the stem of the banana. This will give the banana a noticeably longer lifespan. This isn’t because of magic!
A Being of Supreme Intelligence from Outer Space Has a Few Questions About the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Okay, first of all: do you know Lisa Rinna? And is she nearby? Ideally I’d be talking to her. We Enlightened Ones worship her as a god.
Every Situation in Which I Would Literally Say, “You Snooze, You Lose”
I’m a notorious 1850s Vaudeville impresario known as “The Dean of Mean.” My top rule for performers is “don’t be a snooze.”
Shakespeare’s Tragic Figures Share Career Updates on LinkedIn
Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet are celebrating their Connection Anniversary at The Capulet Family Tomb.
I’m a Climate Scientist, and We’re Running Dangerously Low on IP
I do not rattle off these projections to inspire fear in the public. But we can no longer expect that IP extracted through traditional processes.
I’m Super Busy but I Still Have Enough Time to Explain to You in Excruciating Detail Just How Busy I Am
Between work and the kids, I’m as busy as George Santos if he had actually done all that stuff he said he’d done.
In Lieu of Hazing, Our Fraternity Will Make You Do Our Taxes
Streaking on the quad? We've got something way sicker for you: freelance income earned across multiple tax jurisdictions.
I’m a Rubber Duck and I’m Resigning from My Position at Bathtub Inc.
I learned a lot in my four years as Vice President of Relaxation in the Hygiene Department, I wanted to offer some reasons why I’m departing.
Ways That I, a Non-Parent, Imagine I Will Someday Discipline My Children
With two kitchen chairs turned backwards facing one another, we’ll both sit down to hash things out.