I’m so crazy busy right now. I’m absolutely buried at work. But I still somehow have enough time to explain to you in detail just how busy I am.

Honestly, you are lucky you have a more regular 9-5 job. It’s so difficult following one’s passion and achieving one’s dreams professionally. It’s hard to turn it off and take the time to describe to you my fantastic job, like I’m doing now and will continue to do for the next 10-15 minutes.

I’m sure you’re busy with your job at the dental office. But not like I am. Between work and the kids, I’m as busy as George Santos if he had actually done all that stuff he said he’d done. It all really ramped up when my youngest made the Honors orchestra. I barely have enough time to take this break and say this sentence salad outlining my child’s weekly rehearsals, weekend performance dates, and spit valve maintenance routine, as if you had any interest whatsoever or reason to know the specifics of my kid’s anything.

And then there’s the remodeling. Sometimes I wish my house was cozy and lived-in, probably like yours, so I didn’t have to keep up with the modern trends my home’s more contemporary architecture demands. I really don’t have time to pick between paint colors, especially since I’m going to be tied up for the next twenty minutes giving you the particulars of those paint colors.

I’ve actually started writing my memoirs in order to document my exceptionally busy life. Of course, I have to work on it at night. I feel like Ernest Hemingway if he had been more busy. I’m amazed I even have the energy to recount my writing process, which I will nonetheless now do, completely unprompted.

I guess time management is really key. When you said something about my teeth and the reason you called, I started multitasking by thinking about what I’m going to say tonight on my The Always Busy Podcast. It really takes a ton of time putting together a podcast in addition to all the time I’m using up explaining to you the ton of time involved in putting together a podcast.

Once I began the podcast, I needed to set up my “Always Busy Pod-hat” merch shop. And that’s become yet another time suck. The hardest part is all the self-promotion I have to do online, with clever little tweets and Instagram shots, like the one I just posted and will spend about ten minutes pulling up on my computer, chuckling to myself, even though you can’t even see the post because we’re speaking over the phone.

You probably can’t fully get how busy I am from this mishmash monologue, even though I’ve been talking now for an hour at least. That’s why I’m simultaneously writing my memoir and a script based on that memoir. I’m absolutely underwater trying to complete it but I can still happily spend about twenty more minutes describing to you how the movie adaptation will differ from the memoir because you said, “uh huh,” which I interpreted to mean, “please continue and don’t forget the expansive rumination on film as a visual medium.”

Obviously, the script is another thing I have to fit into my packed schedule. And I’m already basically the LeBron James of being busy. But, when you have this much talent, insight, and mouth words, you have to take the time to share it all, in depth, with anyone around you. That’s why I just spent my valuable time listing in excruciating detail every little thing I’m doing when you really only called to confirm my upcoming dental appointment.