I’m Beginning to Have Second Thoughts About Joining This Apocalyptic Death Cult
There's no one thing that's bugging me about the death cult; it just seems like every few days another annoyance breaches the surface, and they're starting to add up.
Tag: Satire
“Amazon Prime Baby” Eliminates Barriers to Parentry
Amazon Prime Baby uses an algorithm designed to evaluate parental fitness based on Amazon order history as a means to simplify the process of infant acquisition.
Living With My Boyfriend’s Hulkamania
On the surface, it would probably seem that my boyfriend Jack and I have the perfect relationship. Lurking beneath the surface, however, is a dark, WWE-related secret.
Trump Beach Volleyball
A three-on-three volleyball game is about to start in the sand only a seashell's toss from the Trump Ocean. Ben Carson, John Kasich, Marco Rubio, and Chris Christie are there.
This Goddamn Computer is Going to Save Our Family
1946 is going to be a good year for us, my blessed family. Because with the last of our savings I've purchased us a state of the art home computer!
Trump vs. America: The Boxing Match of the Century
In the left corner, weighing in at 225 pounds, the outspoken real estate tycoon egotist, Donald Trump. And in the right corner, weighing in at 50 trillion, the native land, USA.
Ocean’s 65 and Over
Ever seen Ocean's Eleven? They were experienced. Here's exactly how I imagine an ATM caper could be pulled off best by retirees.
How Facebook’s Dislike Button Will Lead to the Downfall of Humanity
In a long-awaited announcement, Mark Zuckerberg has finally introduced the dislike button. Here's how this dangerous move will cost us everything we loved.
I’m God, And When I Said I Love Everyone, I Was Talking Specifically About You, Martha
I'm in love with you Martha, and I know that must be hard to hear, even though I'm projecting my omnipotent voice clearly into your subconscious.
Why You Should Decapitate Yourself
Your life will be more frustrating than you could ever imagine. It is endless agony. Decapitation is the only answer. Off with your head.
Attention All Mysterious Creatures: Please Come Forward
If you're an ugly mythical creature and sick of hiding, I suggest you simply reveal your identity; I can almost guarantee that you will only gain from this exposure.
Is My Roommate Having a Stroke or Is She Just Becoming a Feminist?
My annyoing-ass suitemate Pauline thinks Amy's experienced massive brain hemorrhaging. I think she's just experienced a socially-conscious awakening.