I’m God, And When I Said I Love Everyone, I Was Talking Specifically About You, Martha
I'm in love with you Martha, and I know that must be hard to hear, even though I'm projecting my omnipotent voice clearly into your subconscious.
Tag: Satire
Why You Should Decapitate Yourself
Your life will be more frustrating than you could ever imagine. It is endless agony. Decapitation is the only answer. Off with your head.
Attention All Mysterious Creatures: Please Come Forward
If you're an ugly mythical creature and sick of hiding, I suggest you simply reveal your identity; I can almost guarantee that you will only gain from this exposure.
Is My Roommate Having a Stroke or Is She Just Becoming a Feminist?
My annyoing-ass suitemate Pauline thinks Amy's experienced massive brain hemorrhaging. I think she's just experienced a socially-conscious awakening.
Now Boarding Flight 1786 to New York’s LaGuardia Airport
Going by the presence of all black clothing, oversized headphones, lattes, and jaded demeanors, it appears you're all definitely in the correct gate area.
Please Donate to My Kickstarter So I Can Buy a Hot Tub
The goal of my Kickstarter is to accrue enough money to purchase a full-sized hot tub and have it installed in my studio apartment so I can bring in a flock of new friends.
Even the Animals Have Turned Their Backs on You
Have you noticed that your life has taken a hard left turn into the pits of hell? Now, even members of the animal kingdom are trying to distance themselves from you.
If Star Wars 7 Had Been Produced by Sony Pictures
Are you ready for the Sony Pictures Master Plan? We combine Star Wars 7 with Star Trek 13 and Super Troopers 2 all in one gigantic mega-blockbuster film!
Surfboard Taxi: For Short Trips Across the Beach
For a small fee of US $90, you too can be strapped to a surfboard in which a Hawaiian 9-year-old will take you from one end of the beach to the other.
A Thorough Deconstruction of the Absurdity of the Three Wise Men Story
The maji hoped Jesus would grow up and use the frankincense and myrrh to develop a proprietary blend for His signature cologne, using His omniscient business acumen.
Christmas Card Brag Letter from the Millers
Another year has passed and the extended Miller family has been blessed with good fortune, good friends, and good lawyers who kept our youngest out of jail.
Which Member of Willliamsburg’s Autoharp Ensemble “Zither and Yon” is Fucking My Wife?
If the state of my pillow covers means anything, this douchebag uses a ton of mustache wax. That narrows it down to eleven out of the fifteen band members.