What Your Smoke Alarm is Really Trying to Say
Three slower, sarcastic beeps: Random malfunction with tons of rhyme and reason, none of which will be revealed to you or any professional electrician.
Tag: Satire
New Employee Handbook for the Public Pool Snack Bar
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
Who Needs Therapy When You Have a Career?
Adjusting the height of my desk chair is my therapy. Nothing says self-care like taking small measures to prevent repetitive strain injury.
Why You Should Reelect Me to the St. Anthony Parish Council
Many of you hare aware of the plumbing issue recently discovered in the sacristy toilet, a situation Father David referred to as “a test of faith.”
I Categorically, Emphatically, Unquestionably Hate DRAMA
How could I ever dream of being a proponent of it when, in reality, I am a victim, torturously stalked by drama at every turn?!
We Should Hear Thanos Out
Imagine: Taco Bell Cantinas, free of the pressure to appeal to a burgeoning youth market, would once more become—simply—Taco Bells.
Azor Ahai is the Coffee Cup in “Game of Thrones,” 100% Confirmed
Many viewers claim that this was an accident, but the truth is that every aspect of this show is meticulously planned including Ed Sheeran’s cameo.
I Caught a Self-Driving Car
You don't release a fleet of driverless vehicles on a city and not expect someone to try to lasso one and wrestle it to a stop.
A Letter to My (Former) Stock Photo Casting Agent
“You won’t be needing that anymore,” you told me “from now on, you’re known as ‘sad male employee burns mouth on coffee too hot office man.'”
Dreams Interpreted By Your Aunt From Massachusetts
Falling: Your subconscious is saying that you need to go back to school or enlist. You’re falling away from your stupid wakeboarding career.
My Truck Hauls Ass
I am the only one in my sphere of influence who has a truck that hauls ass. As such, my friends frequently call me to haul some ass for them.
Modern Male Authors Rework Literary Classics by Women
"A Room of One’s Own" by Stieg Larsson: But, you may say, we asked you to speak about women who don’t take any shit and the stories they tell