Satire | Page 178 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

Measles, schmeasles... which is actually a new form of measles.

1. The dammed-up Colorado River running through Austin is called... A) Town Lake B) Lady Bird Lake C) A lake? Sure as hell don’t look like a lake

3. How often are you an asshole? I would say whenever I’m conscious, but I can be fairly verbally abusive in my dreams.

An excerpt from Section 38.28.1 of the Limo Driver's Handbook about how to deal with a bachelorette that turns into a jewel heist.

xBB/PPInn(Astros-VPonly): Number of beanballs or brushbacks per game vs. Astros hitters thrown by pitchers who pitched against Houston in 2017-19.

And who is left? Just us free-thinking, illogical, hypochondriacs, doomsday preppers, and Hulk lady. So, I'm just gonna go there : I told you so!

See, you’re a normal person that does normal-person things. Not me though. I’ve always been more of a figure--a figure that does public things.

Be there gold? Nay. Be there jewels? Nay. Be there the 2-3 years of experience required of ye to land an entry-level buccaneering position? Aye.

What I love about education is that it provides the unique opportunity to do my homework instead of having to consider any future plans.

The food that Goop gave us is almost gone, but we’re not too worried since most of us had planned to reset with cleansing fasts upon our return home.

Our company is multi-faceted, which means we do a multitude of different things. We don’t just have one facet, like other low-achieving companies.

My business cards are written on giant chalkboards with a topical joke that changes when I feel like it, and I send all receipts to your email.