Satire | Page 176 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

I like sex so much, I’ll have it anywhere: a king-sized bed, a queen-sized bed, I’ll even sex on a twin as long as I’m getting punished with sex.

Even Ted’s charisma is middle of the road. He’s the type of candidate that you could get a beer with, but choose not to.

“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” This really isn't a big deal. It bothered me for a couple thousand years but I’m over it.

Will I ever be able to reach my full potential? Is it too late for me to even start? Which brings us to my first search, "sexy old celebrities."

In exchange for $0 an hour, disillusionment, and occasional sexual harassment, you get a letter of recommendation and two bullet points on a resume.

It is a well-known fact that only the most elite acquire specific, regional, life-threatening diseases as symbols of culture and refinement.

"A badass mama protects her child! Your belly will be full of pilates-toned gristle and blond hair after you’ve mauled Cassie from your mom group."

I’d ask someone to save me from this giant octopus, but how do I know their hands aren’t contaminated?

The 2 things I love most are corduroys with ridges so deep that you can slide a can of Coors Light in there, and making sure my son thinks I’m cool.

These uncovered trash bins might as well be a Bigfoot buffet. And one Bigfoot taking a dip in your pool will permanently clog the filter with hair.

No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.

People will call you a monster, and in a way, they’ll be correct: you are a monster---a monster fucking hit.