If Rick Allen Can Drum for Def Leppard with One Arm, Then Surely I Can Install This Backsplash
A poorly installed backsplash could actually DECREASE the value of my home, but did Rick Allen hire some “licensed professional” to do his drumming?
Tag: Satire
It Pains Me to Give a 1-Star Review to the Re-Opened Colonial Williamsburg, but the Actors’ N95 Masks Were Obviously Historically Inaccurate
How am I supposed to believe a real colonial woman is teaching me to churn butter, when her flawless colonial outfit is tainted by latex gloves?
Yoga for [Insert Unrealistic End Goal of Breathing and Posing]
Assume a plank pose on the mat that you ordered from Amazon, mentally petitioning Jeff Bezos to treat his employees properly.
Note to the Entitled Granola Mom Who Cut in Front of Me at the Farmers Market
I had a feeling this might happen when I laid eyes on you ruthlessly shucking corn over the big bin, your nose ring glinting sharply in the sun.
Oh God Oh God Hide Me from the Horrible Noise, by Your Pet Dog
Did you people hear that? The boom! The fucking boom! Come on, I know you two-legged freaks can't hear shit, but even you must— HOLY SHIT!
Routine of a Quarantined Nice Guy
He might be stuck inside but this fella is still capable of making dozens of women uncomfortable, from the comfort of his own home!
Maybe I Don’t Want to Be Found, by Waldo of “Where’s Waldo”
Photos of me, at my most intimate, turned into a puzzle for some simple mind’s amusement. My fashion sense became an “inside joke” for the masses.
Friendly Reminders from Your Winterfell Homeowners Association!
Due to a disputed public executioner election, political lawn signs are no longer permitted. No decorative flamingos, gnomes, or heads on pikes.
FAQ: My Nextdoor Neighbor Is a Russian Oligarch
He also borrowed my weed whacker. How do you get it back from an oligarch? Weed whacking is activity of peasant, not fitting of powerful oligarch .
How Embarrassing, I Seem to Have Forgotten Which Book Opens My Hidden Bookshelf Door
Is it "The Count of Monte Cristo" that solves this dreadful riddle? Surely a subtle nod to enclosed spaces will do it…. No.
Edible Arrangements for the Vengeful
A black-magic-hexed Incredible Edible Chocolate Spectacular arrangement. Perfect for anyone with whom you have an unfinished score to settle.
Are You Truly Ready to Ascend to Housecoat Level?
We speak here of the dowdy. The cotton-poly blend. The bland pastel floral with faux-pearl snaps. Armor worn by everyone from Nanas to Meemaws.