Self-Guided Meditation for You Lonely People This New Year
Take a moment to become aware of the sounds around you. Tune out your next-door neighbors who won’t stop having elaborate sex.
Tag: Satire
Our Company Is One Big Family, If Families Laid Off 30% of Their Family Members
It's truly killing me that our family's goals for next year don't seem to include your position and your services will no longer be needed here.
It’s an Honor to Be Your Band-Aid on This Momentous Vaccination Day!
I always dreamed of big things, like covering a knife cut on Mark Bittman’s finger, or a scrape on Usain Bolt’s leg, or being forgotten in Beyonce’s purse.
Drive-Into Experience: “12 Angry Men” Circa 1957
Starting to feel claustrophobic? Great! That’s precisely how you should feel as you fake deliberate the fate of a human being.
Whatever Happened to That Kid Who Jumped Over the Candlestick?
My parents whisked me into showbiz after the nursery rhyme was published. Birthday candles, campfires, firecrackers... I jumped over it all.
You Are Entirely to Blame
It is your blueberry Pop-Tarts that are killing the porpoises. Not your neighbor’s Pop-Tarts or that guy in Idaho’s Pop-Tarts.
My Life Recording the Beatles (Excerpt from Chapter 13: “Unfortunately the Tapes Are Destroyed”)
It had been about three weeks of increasingly nasty slip-ups but perhaps now the jig was finally up.
Why I, the City of New York, Will Not Be Appearing in the “Sex and the City” Revival
Would you watch a show about a sex columnist in Pocatello? Without me as the backdrop, it’s just white women complaining.
Hi, I’m Your Christmas Lights That You’ve Had Up Since November—Please Take Me Down
Now, instead of giving off the "vibes" of a Hallmark movie, I'm basically just a glorified lasso wrapped around your windowsill.
This Street Gang Is Committed to Transparency
Q: Do members have to kill to show how committed they are? A: Our initiation ritual is to show everyone in the gang your Internet search history.
Welcome to My Hotel Art Review Blog
I run this blog with the same passion that I put into competing in semi-annual regional painting competitions hosted by local newspapers.
Beauty Is in the Eye of the Bee Holder
She just holds bees. Sometimes the bees sting, so she has a high pain tolerance. But the beauty stuck in her eye apparently really hurts.