An Open Letter to the Guy at Work Who Thinks We’re Friends
When I first met you, you seemed like a normal guy. After 3 weeks, I now know that you may very well be the annoying child of Satan.
When I first met you, you seemed like a normal guy. After 3 weeks, I now know that you may very well be the annoying child of Satan.
Dear Anon, I appreciate your elaborate attempts to comment under multiple personalities in order to drive home your point. Unfortunately, you suck.
Attention all people who have been on or are going to be on the reality TV show Survivor: pay close attention to this article because it may just win you a million dollars someday. Or at the very least, stop you from looking like a total idiot on national
Dear Brett Favre: You are a drama queen. Eat a bag of shit. Dear Miss California USA Carrie Prejean: There's nothing wrong with posing topless.
If by some miracle I got the chance to talk to Shorty Shorts Man or Fancy Gym Guy, here is exactly what I would say.
Dear Humans, If you wouldn’t mind, could you please do me one favor: Stop yelling my name during sex. At first it was kind of flattering, but now it’s just ridiculous, and completely distracting.
<p>I'm not mad that you tell me I am a terrible writer who needs to proof read his shit. If there is one thing we can both agree on is that I am a bad person who makes terrible decisions, and most of the decisions effect the way I write.
Mr. Cook, I can no longer sit back while your egregious blunders defame the good name of those around you. Especially the illustrious Dennis Rodman.
<p>Dear My Congressman:</p><p>Hello, Mr. (or maybe Mrs.) Congressman. My name is Nathan. And I live in your district. I'm sorry I don't know you by name but the thing is, just looking at you people gives me the willies something fierce so I never bothered to look you up. Y'all are like personal injury lawyers but with less scruples and no souls. Except for Ron Paul.</p>
I’m sorry for stabbing you in that gruesome prison yard bloodbath, and I’m going to learn and grow from this experience. Please accept this letter of apology.
<p>Dear industrialists who helped build this great nation:<br /><br />It was 91 degrees for the sixth day in a row in NYC today. I step outside of my comfortable air conditioning and feel like I’m being punched in the face by a heat fist. The humidity is literally killing people -- and really annoying me. <br />
Dear Summer Internship, thank you for giving me something to do during the daytime. Masturbation was getting old. That said, I have to address a few issues since I started working here...