King Kong’s One-Star Tripadvisor Review of the Empire State Building
Look, airplanes shouldn’t be constantly flying around a building in the first place.
Tag: Movies and TV
I Am the Improbable Fireball in Every Hollywood Action Movie, and I Demand a Lifetime Achievement Award
It's time to recognize my artistry, distinguished contributions to world cinema, and unparalleled ability to blow shit up without dismembering anyone.
Please Help, I’m Still Street Punk #5
Being stuck in character as STREET PUNK #5 for almost forty years has caused me more than a bit of grief.
Ranking the Summer Lineup from Craigslist’s New Streaming Service
"Writing Gigs" -- A real tearjerker of a drama that takes place entirely during a job interview that turns out to be for freelance work.
I, The Scarecrow from Oz, Would like to Return My Brain in Exchange for Canceling My Student Loan Debt
They say your education is the one thing nobody can take away from you, but I implore you to do just that.
An Open Letter to Adam McKay About My Own Script, a Heavy-Handed Allegory for the Iran-Contra Affair
There’s something else rapidly becoming the defining issue of our time: the 1985 Iran-Contra affair. And goddamn, I’ve written a movie about it.
Top Ten Tips for a Safe and Effective Fire Drill at Euphoria High School
Do not schedule the drill during prime hangover hours.
Is He Ghosting You or Is He Ghostface from the “Scream” Franchise?
He loves late-night, steamy phone calls when I’m home alone. I always tell him it’s such a boomer move but he just loves hearing my voice!
I Beg of You, Please: Don’t Order a Medium Soda
So, I mean, you wouldn’t ask me to go in there and risk an encounter with ghosts, would you? I could just give you a free upgrade to large.
It’s Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me
What happened to us?! It feels like only yesterday I was making sure you dimwits knew when to laugh during all sorts of zany shenanigans.
Spider-Man Movies Ranked by the Severity of Pain I Experienced Passing a Kidney Stone During the Screening
Widely considered the apex of the Spider-Man films, the first sequel is also significant because its release coincided with the passing of my second kidney stone.
My Life Is Flashing Before My Eyes, but the Cinematography Is Terrible
Honestly, if it wasn’t good in the "Bourne" movies, who thought shaky cam would be good to use over my third-grade musical?