Oh, the Hoodies I’ve Lost
1. August 8, 1996 - The Maroon One / Identifying Marks: Band logo on the front. / Missing From: Back seat of your POS first car.
Tag: Life
This Might Sound Crazy, But Your House is Made From My Mom
It would really mean a lot if I could come in and see where she … ended up. Sorry, looks like I’m interrupting book club.
Baseball Fans Struck by Foul Thoughts While Just Trying to Enjoy a Ballgame
The crowd exploded, and it hit me: the game is going into extra innings, and I’m going to have to endure another four torturous years of Trump.
Hollywood’s Historical Bio-Pics of Forbidden Love
Betsy & Benji, Sewing the Body Electric: Betsy Ross's flag-sewing prowess inspired warriors to greatness. Benjamin Franklin's magnetism was electric.
I Am the Middle-Aged Jumper at the Trampoline Park Who’s Definitely Not Too Old for This
Oh-kaay. This hurts a little. The spring-bound polypropylene surface feels more solid upon impact than I expected.
How to Talk to Your Child About the Prophecy They Must Fulfill
Discovering that he was born into a secret society who are defending the Earth and influencing world events may be difficult for your son to process.
Yuppie Wedding Announcement Written by a Bitter Maid-of-Honor
The couple described the aesthetic of the reception venue as farmhouse chic. Notably, the bridesmaids were dressed as mason jars.
Various Life Crises You Will Undergo
Quarter of a Quarter Life Crisis: Age 6. You will cope by throwing tantrums before bedtime and refusing to share your trucks with Jeremy.
The Late Capitalist Horror of Mary Shelley’s Franken-Frappuccino
It agitated its shimmery surface, and with a convulsive motion, sprang to life. “BEHOLD, I AM THE TYE-DIE FRAPPUCCINO,” it roared.
Can You Be Our Nanny?
Caring for children is one of life’s most rewarding jobs. Our nanny will need a sens…
Welcome to Other You: Box Subscriptions From the Multiverse
From your Lifestyle Influencer Universe: Eyelash extensions so huge and long they make it impossible to open your eyes. You’ll feel like Bambi!
Suggested Reading for Your Not-Woke-Enough 6-Year-Old
The Little Engine That Lost Its Medicare - After losing a spoke while transporting cargo, The Little Engine is no longer able to afford repairs.