Sharp-Dressed John Doe v. ZZ Top
By all accounts, my client satisfied the legal definition of a sharp dressed man. And yet, the ladies did not come a-runnin' just as fast as they can.
Tag: Legal
Sorry, Your Fire Insurance Doesn’t Cover Fire Damage
I empathetically understand why you think your house burned down, but technically it was destroyed and not “burned down.” This difference does matter.
I Am an ICE Guard and I Sleep Very Well Through My Night Terrors, Thank You
Knowing that I did my part to separate a four-year-old from his mother with no plan or intent to reunite them, I can nod off shortly after vomiting.
Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
Tax Loopholes for the 99 Percent
If you and your partner are weighing the options of starting a family, consider incorporating your offspring as Limited Liability Children.
Ideas for Mending Your Relationship with the IRS after Being Caught Cheating on Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
Why Nope to Me Being Pope?
Despite the obstacles--not learning Latin, being married, wearing a sombrero with “I'm the POPE!” in neon letters--in my heart I didn't lose.
Odd Inclusions in the New Line of Bath Bombs
Vibrating Bath Bomb: We are not allowed to discuss what this may be used for (we are allowed to discuss murder and drugs, but sex is off the table).
Ten Classic Books Everyone Should Pretend to Read
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare: The classic love story. It’s a famous… I want to say play? I’ve only seen the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Bill: You Have 13 Unread Emails from Change.org, Answer Them Right Now
(12/16/18 --- 10:46 AM) Bill-- 6-year-old Johnny Casin has some serious dirt on your ex-wife, Brittany.
Never Thought I’d Say This, But I, John Wick, Would Like More Gun Control
At that point, I had covered my guns in concrete. I didn’t want them. But the game pulled me back and I ended up killing about a thousand more dudes.
Smoking: The Cool-Looking Solution to Climate Change
I wish there were “other solutions.” But heavy drinking’s already been taken as a solution to politics.