The irony is that your mushroom superfood promises me more energy, which I wish I had now, so I could resist ordering it.
The sooner you can recognize when you're talking down to yourself, the sooner you can stop already, Jesus.
I Am the Little Orange Man from Google Maps and I Would Appreciate It If You Stopped Dropping Me from 2 Million Feet in the Sky
If you’re wondering, in the moment you wait for me to land in Street View, I howl through the mesosphere, engulfed in flame.
“Vegan! Give us ze classified recipes and ve vill let you live!” The Vegan’s former best friend-turned-nemesis, General Draganov, shouts.
Choose a ringtone that’s right for you, your lifestyle, and your tolerance for the incessant cacophony of crickets inside your head jar.
Contrary to popular belief, women do not possess one utilitarian opening for all of their bathroom and reproductive functions, like ducks.
In the eyes of a dog, I am nothing less than an eternal being existing beyond the constraints of matter and time. So where's my treat for being a good boy?
Over at MEGOPharma we thought, why not repurpose this stuff to make some money?
As Your Virtual Doctor, I Can’t Give You the Results of Your Brain Surgery Until You Smash That “Like” Button
Patients need to smash that so my bosses can track the popularity of this service, which will result in more financial support from our advertisers.
He asks you about yourself, things like, “Can you give me a kidney?” and, “So how’s about that kidney?”
You are pressing the button so hard that the spring mechanism has failed. Please stop pressing someone else’s button.
There's no way I'm going to pass the anchor-shaped keychain I got from my beach trip.