Due to Concerns over Coronavirus, I’ve Decided to Postpone My Personal Revenge
We could brawl, and you might get off a few gunshots or blows into my ripped torso, but you can't make me take off work for two weeks.
Tag: Guns
How to Parallel Park a Limousine in a Security Laser Maze
An excerpt from Section 38.28.1 of the Limo Driver's Handbook about how to deal with a bachelorette that turns into a jewel heist.
A Quick Spoiler-Free Review of “The Irishman”
In the end, I think the main takeaway for most bigtime movie buffs is the masterful performance of one Joseph “The Spanish Rattlesnake” Pesci.
The Public Bike Repair Creators Bring You Other Equally Useful Fix-It Stations
Public Father-Son Relationship Repair Stations: A stern daddy figure who’s really a teddy bear is waiting to surprise you with a big, warm hug.
Wartime Activities for Founding Fathers, or Ideal Back from Summer Break Activities for GOP Congressmen?
Admire rich white men who are landowners. / Cook porridge and flummery. / Exhort a vagabond to repentance.
With These Latest Mass Shootings, We Condemn the Violent Influence of Princess Zelda, Donkey Kong, and Super Mario
Mario is the lust for violence incarnate wrapped in a disguise of respectability. Those green pipes you see are hardly plumbing simulators.
Bullets Beg America: Please Stop Bullying Us!
Okay, we’re a large part of literally every war, but so are doctors and no one blames them.
If I Responded to Americans Like They Respond to the Fact That I’m Colombian
Wow, guns do kill so many Americans. But, like, have you ever partied with guns? It’s awesome.
Sharp-Dressed John Doe v. ZZ Top
By all accounts, my client satisfied the legal definition of a sharp dressed man. And yet, the ladies did not come a-runnin' just as fast as they can.
This Fleece Vest is the Only Thing That Warms My Cold Capitalist Heart
I am dead-frozen inside, and this fleece vest is the only thing that holds my cold capitalist heart at a temperature resembling warm-blooded life.
Are You a Real New Yorker or Just a College Intern?
Mixed up bodies of water, and when your friend from out of town visited, confidently pointed towards Hoboken and said, “that’s Brooklyn over there?”
Alright Fellas, We’re Doing It: We’re Robbing This Bank
Hey now. Don’t give me that look. We’re still a team, fellas. I’m a valued member of this crew, just as important as everybody else.