As a Clairvoyant, I am Able to— Hey, Where’re You Going?
What, you don't believe in clairvoyants? Well, neither did I. But with this degree of authenticity from DelphiUniversity.com, I assure you my intuition is real.
Tag: Future
10 Things to Look Forward to as You Get Older
Women, you will painfully observe the slow process men go though as they reach the point where they no longer try to win you over. Men, there's always Viagra.
We’re All Fucked, ‘Cause You Know, Robots
The REAL robots are super-sleek job-killing bastards, designed by humans to slowly wage a war of attrition on the working class until nothing is left but hyper-rich human robot owners.
Idiots of the Future, Today
There's a lot of cool new stuff in the world, but it still feels like the same place. And that's mainly because it's still populated with the same jackasses and idiots.
In the Future There Will Be Swords Again
I am from the future and my people chose me to come back and warn your generation about the oncoming swordslaught. Every horrifying tales of the human downfall involves swords.
Hey Future Employers
How's it going? I see you're researching me for a position in your company, school, or burger joint. I just want you to know, I've drunk alcohol and smoked pot before.
The Genitals of the Future
<p><em>Today I have for you some comedy sloppy seconds. I submitted a piece to the comedy website McSweeney's, but I guess it wasn't pseudo-intellectual enough or whatever. Here it is, you be the judge. </em></p><p><strong>The Genitals of the Future<br />by Paul Frank</strong></p>
Roxxxy, The World’s First Lifeless Sex Robot
True Companion has developed the world's first sex robot, a life-size doll designed to engage you in conversation rather than lifelike movement. Uhh... sweet?
An Open Letter to Future PIC Columnists
Think you got the dangling participles it takes to be a PIC writer? First change your name, then buy a pair of sunglasses. Here comes infamy.
Social Insecurity: Your Ugly Future
The government has a special site setup to explain Social Security to kids using fables. Mike has a special column to say, 'Fuck you.'
8 Obsolete Jobs of the Future
50 years from now, some of today's hottest jobs will already be perfected by robots. Is your career path a dead end?
The State of the Future Address
The year 2005 isn't everything we had hoped for, but with a few tweaks (more steroid use and Iraq war coverage, etc.) it might be a little better.