Welcome to the MFAGZ Federation®, Formerly the USA
If you have not done so already, please upload all personal information onto the Privacy Pads® you will have received en route.
Tag: Future
To-Do List 2017: Apocalypse Won
Choose robot companion for president, as you inevitably prefer living in a blinged up White House adorned with gold droplets of dried Mexican tears.
Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2017
It's a brand new year and we can finally put all that BS behind us... unless you're David Bowie, Prince, George Michael, or Carrie Fisher.
Am I Turning Into My Dad?
"My head is too big to fit into women's frames," I told the eyecare associate. "But it’s still not big enough to break the glass ceiling."
Tips for My Future Tinder Matches
You don't need to write me a poem or say something witty, but if you're boring I can't help myself: I'm going to mess with you.
When I Started This Business, I Never Imagined Working for Myself
I had forgotten one important factor that may determine the outcome of my business: when it comes to work, I suffer from dissociative identity disorder.
“Amazon Prime Baby” Eliminates Barriers to Parentry
Amazon Prime Baby uses an algorithm designed to evaluate parental fitness based on Amazon order history as a means to simplify the process of infant acquisition.
This Goddamn Computer is Going to Save Our Family
1946 is going to be a good year for us, my blessed family. Because with the last of our savings I've purchased us a state of the art home computer!
Maximize Your Life with the Rapid Immortality Plan!
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do I have to die?” Well, let me be the first to tell you that you’re not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality.
Five Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2016
In 2016, at least we'll know Donald Trump has been defeated, Star Wars will live on, and I'll live on without Panera and Starbucks every day.
Driving Etiquette for the Future
Of course we'll have flying cars in the future. But there's more to driving than cars; there's going to be a whole new driving etiquette based on personal responsibility.
Five Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2015
I’ve noticed a general shift in the public’s thinking about whether or not it’s appropriate to wear yoga pants and leggings as everyday pants. WEAR THEM, trust me.