I’m the Best Detective in the World, So Why Do You Keep Second-Guessing Me?
What’s your motive for second-guessing me every second of every day? Every week, we go through the same rigamarole.
Tag: Crime
Op-Ed: Should Op-Ed Writers Be Allowed to Commit Crimes?
Do opinion writers share the same responsibility to obey the law as the rest of the world?
Welcome to the Podcast That Will Become a Book That Will Become a Podcast About the Making of the Book
Intellectual property is precious and hard to find, just like Tracy’s body.
My Fellow Henchman, I Noticed You Don’t Have My Number Saved
I was craning to see if you laughed at the Minions meme I sent and saw my contact name was just my number with "Maybe: Neil" under it.
A Letter from Ginger, the Crime-Solving Tabby of “The Maple Tree Mysteries” Book Series
My life has been nothing but cutesy crime solving and I’m over it. I’d rather get spayed again than have to solve one more cozy mystery.
Your Uncle, the World’s Most Notorious Cat Burglar, Announces His Retirement
I don’t know why you are laughing and saying, “sure man, okay” when I relate to you that I had stunning paramours in every major city in Europe.
You’ve Barely Touched Your Mid-Heist Carrot Sticks and Hummus
I didn’t help break into the Banco de España to see these delicious snacks I’ve generously prepared go to waste.
Episode Titles and Descriptions for a New and Overlong True-Crime Series
Experts discuss the latest lake tragedy: the uptick in water quality issues of Pennsylvania’s second-largest lake due to an increase in boat usage!
An Open Letter to the Hermit Crab Who Made My Apartment His Shell While I Was Away
I cannot help but feel like the law is on the side of the cold-blooded decapods of this world who travel willy-nilly from shell to shell.
I’m Shuttering My Professional Kidnap for Ransom Operation Due to Rising Inflation
Our whole supply chain is wrecked: the price of a getaway car is sky high and gas costs for said car are now at an astronomical level.
Words and Phrases Banned from the U.S. Mint Staff Email Where Employees Print $38 Million a Day for $40,000 a Year
Torture, salivating, aroused. Every second, a sheet of currency worth the amount of my student loans passes me.
How to Parallel Park While Barely Clinging to Your Masculinity
Would you look at that… So typical of a Lexus to take up as much room as humanly possible. Total road hog.