I Love Wearing My Backpack During Busy Commutes
What if I told you that I’ve got four laptop computers on my person at this very moment? Because that’s the reality of the situation.
What if I told you that I’ve got four laptop computers on my person at this very moment? Because that’s the reality of the situation.
Before writing me off as some vengeful psycho, consider that this little dog thought it was funny to lick Lucy’s face without her consent.
Don't cry in a work bathroom---a co-worker or boss might see your shoes, hear you crying, and think you poop too hard.
Apparently, my haters think I’m ‘off the hook’ but in a bad way, something I didn’t even know was possible.
#15: A renewable source of shitty Target sweaters through the year 3035. #18: Stopper for a Jiffy Lube grease pit.
20 registers, all manned by 20 identical managers. They turn all at once and, eyes glowing yellow, sing “Derrick’s not here! Derrick’s not here!”
Sell and then shake 'em down for dirt on their dealer. There's only room for one dirty cop and one dirty Girl Scout troop in this neighborhood.
The swivel chair’s flying across the room, its arc through the air a simple yet astute critique of warming global temperatures.
For those of us over 60, cards could say, “Congratulations on outwitting the grim reaper, keep up the good work!”
Let’s put on some hip-hop and do leg lifts like it’s 2002! Feel the burn. Not #feelthebern. Because really, are the Bernie Bros happy now?
You will recall laughing after I cautioned that I had once confessed to a priest only to watch him go straight to hell. I do not recall laughing.
I was made to bring joy to this world. Now I’m on the floor where I can only bring pain. I fear I am becoming the villain.