Husband Life: Heroic Fantasies Versus Reality
Fantasy: Emotionally, I am more stable than a 1000-year-old Sequoia. Reality: I faked a cat allergy when my wife caught me crying at Toy Story 3.
Tag: Relationships
People Say I’m an Abysmal Lover, but at Least I’m Also an Unsuccessful Professional Woman Who Is Fucked for Retirement
Instead of scrutinizing the position of my butt, I would suggest admiring the lack of buttress in the position of my savings account.
Creative Ways to Hide Your Mouth from Your Date While Eating Tacos
Obviously, not eating tacos isn’t an option, so here’s some helpful ways to hide your undignified devouring.
You Can’t Unsubscribe from Our Mailing List Because You Don’t Really Mean It, You’re Just Upset
Our graphics seem a little dated, but deep down we’re the same mailing list you subscribed to all those years ago.
How to Enjoy a Movie with Your Significant Other Even Though All Major Actors Haven’t Been Identified Yet
Undergo hypnosis therapy: you can’t lose time recalling an actor’s name if you never knew their name to begin with.
What the Adult Class You’re Taking Says About You and Your Divorce
Pottery: This one is simple: the night your wife called things off, you drank an entire bottle of wine and "Ghost" randomly started playing on Tubi.
Telltale Signs Your Mysterious New Boyfriend Is Actually Rumpelstiltskin
Is he “ugly-hot” or does his face bear the mark of an impish, Germanic evil?
Quiz: Are You in Love with Your Barista?
Is it time to overthrow the self-doubt that has plagued your absurd, tender heart for all these months? Subtract eight points if your heart is neither tender nor absurd.
Will the Special Water from Your Brita Make You Feel Loved and Looked After?
Brita Love™ can teach you lessons about the heart, but it cannot be that love for you. To think otherwise is a dangerous game.
All Our Luxury Hotel Room Bathrooms Are Panopticons Now, for Lovers
Our panopticon toilet utilizes ruthless social engineering to give you the most intimate experience with your partner.
Our Marriage Needs a Gritty Reboot
We’ve become one of those vanilla, mass-produced corporate couples we never wanted to be. Our relationship is nothing more than a light-hearted romp.
Entries from a Journal I Think Will Be Read by Other People
I called both my parents to tell them that I loved them, then I drove exactly 5 MPH above the speed limit to work.