The Official Badvent Calendar for 2020
December 12: Santa's naughty list of Democrat-controlled cities where the most egregious instances of police brutality take place (uh oh; it's long).
December 12: Santa's naughty list of Democrat-controlled cities where the most egregious instances of police brutality take place (uh oh; it's long).
I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!
I spoke at the Republican National Convention for Trump! What more do I have to do to prove that I’ll do literally anything?
Maybe you’ve returned to your normal life and are back at work, arriving to a ghost town at 10 AM, taking a two-hour lunch, and leaving by 3 PM.
I have lived my entire adult life as if I were born in 1813 England as a gentlemanly Port Warden. And yet my uncle is the one called “old-fashioned.”
I apologize, she giggles and our shared weakness for Snickerdoodles suggests we will fall madly in love by Christmas. Her name is Lacey Sherbert.
It's confusing that this boy thinks a drum solo is an appropriate gift for anyone---let alone an infant. That’s what makes him so dangerous.
Billy, look at your mother! Tell me you hid the Milanos with Dark Chocolate Filling! Oh, my child... How could you?
Was the Fanny Fay Fruit Cake Great Grandma Wrapped Up and Brought to Dinner from a bakery trash can or Fanny Fay Old Folks Home’s Charity Bake Sale?
We’ll start with an easy one here. Grandma probably didn’t understand the rules and went ahead and put her name on the package.
Marcus makes you miserable playing ultimate frisbee inside and then using his Frisbee as a plate, but are you willing to give up the incredible gifts.
I promise no more pretending the calendar’s a ventriloquist dummy with Jersey accent when I have my fingers inside Santa’s slot.