>>> Ask Nicole
By staff writer Nicole McKaig
March 2, 2005

Dear Nicole,

I‘ve been hurt in many relationships, how do I recover from all my hurt and get over my fear of being hurt so that maybe I can some day meet someone?

-Fran
 

Dear Fran,

Don't waste your time. You're just going to get screwed again. My advice is to find a new hobby that's safer than dating. Something less likely to leave you bruised, bloody, and emotionally crippled. Naked bullfighting comes to mind.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

 
Dear Nicole,

Why not?

-Drew
 

Dear Drew,

Because it's too damn risky, that's why. Look: I've been saying this for years.The United States should… nay, MUST… execute a preemptive strike against the continent of Antarctica. It seems innocuous enough, but that's it's power. No one expects a nation inhabited by Chinstrap penguins and Snow petrel to suddenly let loose with an A-bomb. But if Americans want to continue to sit in their living rooms swallowing Discovery Channel propaganda, there's nothing I can do about it.

Sincerely,
Nicole
 

Dear Nicole,

i want to kiss u, i want to spend a night with with u.

-Qasim
 

Dear Qasim,

The going rate is eight bucks. Cough it up.

Sincerely,
Nicole

 

Dear Nicole,

I've heard that going back in time feels better than having sex. Please advise.

-Il-yo
 

Dear Il-yo,

I can't really say, since I haven't done both. But I can tell you that time travel feels pretty fantastic.

Sincerely,
Nicole
 

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