The uncouth misadventures of an unwarily optimistic Floridian caught paddling with nothing but his hands.

Column Archives | Start at: 2007, 2006

August 2007

Curtiss for President! | 8-1-07
Politics may not be his forte, but Washington doesn't need any more of that anyway. Here's to AC/DC anthems, homo hotdogs, and no prisons!

June 2007

The Division I Football Cruise: Part 1 | 6-13-07
A rousing tale of one man's journey through the alcohol-filled waters of the Caribbean with a D-I football squad. Huddle up for the hot route.

May 2007

Your Kiss is a Miss | 5-16-07
Sorry, I just really don’t want to make out with you anymore. I mean, you’re a nice girl and all, but things just don’t feel right.

March 2007

I Love Mardi Gras | 3-7-07
Surviving Mardi Gras depends on your ability to maintain clarity even in the eye of the storm. Somebody should have told New Orleans.

February 2007

The People Who Kick My Ass | 2-7-07
Careful, a man with a short fuse is prone to envy. Avoid these ticking time-bombs or you'll find yourself getting clocked.

January 2007

Lady of the Lake | 1-31-07
Making a trip to your friend's lake house is an experience you'll never forget… unless you do it up right. Thanks Keystone.

You are a Fucking Idiot | 1-17-07
I don't know how else to put this. If I use bigger words, you won't be able to understand them because you're a fucking idiot.

Friday Night Fights | 1-10-07
You've got your buff workout buddy with you, so it's time to crash the frat party. Oops, you forgot frats have more than 2 people.

December 2006

The Dark Side of Christmas | 12-27-06
Once you reach a certain age, you find out the true meaning of Christmas… and how it's not all about you. Damn.

Pills on a Plane | 12-20-06
A turbulent mix of ups and downs ends in unrecovered data of the night's events. No matter how you look at it, it's a bad trip.