I don't know how many times I have heard a platonic female friend say how hard it is to attract a good man out there, but let's just say it's enough to make my ears bleed more than once a month. What this means, other than the fact that I buy more Tampax than they do now, is that single women are concerned that their dating pool is dwindling, especially as they get older. So it stands to reason that they might want to significantly increase their odds of drawing more men into their cross hairs. (Hey guys, isn't the idea of a woman sniper hot? I wrote that just for you, in order to counter act the Tampax joke.)

One thing that women often do to increase their chances of attracting men is get their hair cut. Oh and stop calling it "getting your hair done" like you just got your hair laid or something—you went and got it cut. Women think a hair cut makes them look young, fresh, new—more appealing to men. WRONG! Ladies, STOP cutting your hair, men HATE it! I'm here to tell you one of a man's innermost secret thoughts whenever we see that you got your hair cut: we wish you didn't. So ladies, listen up to what I am about to tell you, and to all the men out there reading this, you're fucking welcome!

Woman with AK-47
Nothing hotter than a girl with a hair-trigger.
First, let's get one thing straight. I'm not saying the number one thing a man looks for in a woman is long hair. In fact, in a recent scientific poll the number one thing men universally desire in women is a sense of humor (by about 75%). Surprising, I know. Apparently, smiling releases hormones that make you feel happier (duh). Thus, if you can make your man laugh, then he begins to mentally associate you with his own happiness.

However, on the subject of physical features ALONE, statistically, your hair is actually the first thing a guy looks at. I know you're thinking, "That's a load of crap! A man will always look at breasts/ass/just about anything/legs/neck, before hair." WRONG AGAIN! The first thing a guy will check out on you, during the "3 second look over" is technically your hair. Yes, consciously he may not be aware that he looked at that first, but it turns out that hair is extremely important visually in the initial mating rituals of humans. Long luxurious flowing hair not only frames a woman's face, but sets the tone for her entire body, which is of course what the man will be looking at for the rest of the 2.999 seconds.

Obama staring at a girl's ass
Finally, something the U.S. and France can agree on!
From purely physiological and psychological points of view, there are certain features and chemicals that humans naturally respond to, as animals. The visual appearance of health plays a major part in physical attraction for both genders. Often women with long hair appear more beautiful to men because the ability to grow long healthy looking hair is an indication of the continuous health of the individual growing it. In addition it is widely accepted that hair traps pheromones which get released from your body. Men respond to these pheromones on a chemical level, and start associating long hair with an overall more desirable woman. This is why, flirting wise, it works so well with men when women run their fingers through their hair, twirl it, or do the "hair-flip." Ladies, you are filling the air with your pheromones whether you know it or not. (Come on, you know it, just fucking admit it! Nobody annoyingly plays with their own hair that much!)

There is a report that women who have long hair actually have slightly higher levels of estrogen in their body, which lead to more female pheromones released. Those extra pheromones get trapped in her hair to be picked up by men, as she twirls and flips it like Indiana Jones using a whip to get what she wants. All of this extra pheromone scent makes long haired women more appealing, unless of course you find her scent repelling, then it just makes you want to vomit on her for her ridiculous hair antics.

Woman twirling her hair
This is how I am going to wrap you around my little finger.
There was also a recent study that stated that short haired women performed better in a professional arena, because their male co-workers subconsciously saw them as more masculine. Since most men do NOT want to see women they are dating as more masculine, then it stands to reason that a short haired woman has less of a chance of attracting the attention of a man. Hey, I didn't say the world doesn't suck or that it was fair, I am just trying to help you out by providing you with a window into the mind of a typical man.

Many short haired women out there will undoubtedly get upset and think that all of this is not true for everyone and subject to personal preference and they would be 100% correct. It definitely is subject to some opinion and there ARE indeed some men who prefer short hair on a woman. A recent scientific survey across multiple men's magazines, polling thousands of men, produced the answer to this question. "Do men prefer women with long hair or short hair?"

88% of men claimed to prefer long hair!!

8% claimed to prefer short hair.

4% said no preference one way or the other.

88% ladies!!!!!!

Wow, that is high, huh?!

Kind of makes you wonder why so many women cut their hair short and then tell you that they are having trouble attracting men, doesn't it?

There are several other points and advantages to keeping your hair long that are certainly worth mentioning as well.

Short hair does not allow women to take as much advantage of the many accoutrements that are available for long hair: clips, barrettes, pins, scrunchies, beads, etc. Short haired women also can not style their hair in as many ways as long haired women can: curling, braiding, straightening, crimping etc. Short haired women can't put their hair up in that sexy little way that men love. There is nothing hotter then at the end of the night to pull something out of a woman's hair that allows it to flow down her body. (It is like all of it was hiding there just for him to release and he is the only one that gets to see it.) That is very exciting to men, so much so that there was an entire generation of movies in the 40s & 50s where all that was needed to suggest that the couple in the movie was about to have sex, was that the woman's hair was released and the screen would go dark. Now imagine that same scene with a bob cut, it simply doesn't work. Men for the longest time then began associating sex with the image of long flowing hair. Rita Hayworth built an entire career on the suggestiveness of her flowing hair, not to mention a fine set of gams. If you don't believe me then watch the Shawshank Redemption. There is a scene where all the inmates are watching a Rita Hayworth movie and they all exclaim excitedly at her flipping her hair back after brushing it upside down. Even in the 20s when short hairstyles were all the rage, Southern Belles still kept their hair extremely long, because they knew that men actually preferred it that way.

There is also a school of thought that long hair means more time spent with appliances, accessories and bottles of weird chemicals in the bathroom, making women late which annoys men. Rubbish!!!! While men DO complain about waiting for a woman to get ready and thus being late, it is more about ego and not wanting to appear to society as not having it together or that they are unable to keep appointments. In the end, it is ALWAYS worth the wait and that can usually be seen in his first look at you, when he completely forgets that he is late and now realizes that he is about to walk into the room with the hottest looking woman in the place on his arm. That is far more satisfying to the male ego than being on time. Pathetic, I know, but true.

There is a somewhat silly universal belief that men IN a relationship hold subconsciously too, which is that when a woman cuts her hair she is preparing to end the relationship that she is currently in. Changing her hair means that she desires to change her appearance, and thus also desires to make larger changes in her life, which possibly includes changing her man. Most men's first response when their significant other speaks of a hair cut is to cringe at the change, because men don't like change all that much.

Furthermore, sex is better with a woman with long hair, not just for the man but for the woman too!

There is nothing sexier to a woman than a man undressing her and carefully moving her hair while brushing her neck with his fingers, so that her hair doesn't get caught up in anything like buttons, zippers, or even in just the shirt itself. The hair can also be gathered and moved aside gently while he kisses her neck and ear. This goes over well for both people obviously.

When a man is on top and in an upright position they enjoy seeing a woman's long hair flowing across the pillow, especially since he put it there so she wouldn't be lying on it (Which is always nice for the woman that he actually thought about that). He can put it there with his hand behind her head as he gently lays her head down on the pillow. (Also nice for the woman that he didn't just drop her head, but sweetly guided it to the pillow). Of course, if you like it rough well then of course long hair has it's advantages there too. In addition, where is a man's face if he is on top but in a lower position so that his head is next to hers, and in the pillow? Yep, you guessed it, in her hair inhaling hard and deeply.

If a woman is on top, wait, let's back up a little. When a woman "climbs" on top of a man there is a subtle little wave with a flip at the end, which her hair does when she slides one leg over his body. That motion of her hair sends a wave of air towards him that fills his nose with her sweet smell. Now that she is on top, her hair is either cascading down the front of her body or if her head is thrown back than it is touching his thighs.

Either way, it is all very good which keeps him…well, a lot more…yeah you know.

If a man is behind a woman then her long hair can… O.k. you get the point, just use your imagination. This isn't a freakin Harlequin romance novel for crying out loud! Jeez!

Harlequin sex
Your breath wreaks! Here have a Chick-lit.
Oh and here is a little tip: Ladies, there is nothing more effective for initiating sex then to wake him up by lightly brushing your long hair over his back or chest. Men will always trade sleep for sex. Hell, they probably would trade anything for sex! Plus, if you want to get a woman in the mood, guys, then try brushing her hair. You can significantly turn a woman on by simply brushing her long hair in a very specific way. (For the record, I give great hair!)

In all 365 sexual positions…

(Pauses for the readers to think about that for a second)

Yes, 365 sexual positions, at least according to a book called "position of the day play book". Sure, some of them might leave you in traction for a week but the book is very funny, because it also has funny little comments about them and the calories burned while doing them.

Anyway, in all 365 sexual positions, long hair usually makes them all a lot more enjoyable, for both people involved.

Position Playbook
Sex Every Day In Every Way
So I don't care what he says to you after you get your hair cut, he secretly wanted you to keep your hair long. For the record "cute" or "nice" when it come to hair, is not really a compliment from a man. If a man says your hair is "cute" or "looks nice" it means he can't think of anything better to say and is trying to be polite so as not to let you think he didn't notice the change you made. He is parroting back what he thinks women tell each other about a new hair cut. It is simply better to tell you it is "cute" than to say nothing, but trust me, he is secretly wishing you didn't cut it at all and is likely screaming inside.

So, keep your hair long ladies! Yes, it may take longer to deal with in the morning but if you want to be more attractive to the opposite sex then keep your hair LONG, VERY LONG! If you are going to chop it all off then don't later make my ears bleed by telling me how hard it is out there to attract a good man, because frankly wearing Tampax in my ears throws off my equilibrium and makes me dizzy.

Tampon comic