>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
April 28, 2004

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Russell Crowe Offers Aid to Montreal Jewish School
(Much better then offering AIDS! Am I right?)

TORONTO (Reuters) – Tough guy actor Russell Crowe was so upset by a fire-bombing at a Jewish elementary school in Montreal, he called the school to offer a donation to help rebuild its library, a school spokeswoman said on Tuesday.

Before you change your mind about this ASSHOLE RUSSELL CROWE, please note that his offer was to supply the school with as many more issues of Mein Kampf as they wanted. It's like, thanks but no thanks, dude.

Crowe is in Toronto to film “Cinderella Man,” a film directed by Ron Howard about the life of boxer James J. Braddock, who defeated world champion Max Baer in an upset match in 1935.

Yeah, like THAT'LL be a laugh riot. If it's anywhere near as funny as Gladiator wasn't, then count me OUT for NOT going!

“It was a huge morale boost for the school community,” said Shelley Paris from Montreal.

Shelley Paris, Texas is more like it.

United Talmud Torahs elementary school was fire-bombed earlier this month and police said a note with anti-Semitic comments was found on the outside wall of the gutted library.

Those anti-Semitic terrorists are so indecisive. Fire, or bomb. Its called making a choice. These are the same type of people who created the cheeseburger pizza, the DVD/VCR, and the Flintstones meet the Jetsons, which wasn't all that bad mind you.

“He said he was very upset about what had happened that a place of learning should be attacked that way,” Paris said.

I'm sorry, what? That a place of learning SHOULD be attacked that way?! Russell Crowe you son of a bitch, you've done it again!

“He wanted to make sure that our students knew that he was thinking about them and that he was very upset about the fire-bombing,” Paris said.

Kids I know your sad, but if it's any consolation Russell Crowe thought about us today! He played Maximus in that movie you guys are too young to watch! You know, the buff one? With the swor—hey where you kids going? *Kids have run to the nearest ice cream truck*

The Academy Award-winning actor, who captured an Oscar for “Gladiator” four years ago, offered to make a donation to help rebuild the library, Paris said. The figure was not available. ($1=$1.35 Canadian)

Ohh okay. So if the figure was not available in Canadian money, that means that only about $.70 on the dollar of the figure was not available in US Dollars. Damn I could go for some Ice Cream Truck Cuisine right about now. You think they have poppers?

Paris said the school hopes to re-open the library by August, the start of the new school year, and has received donations and support from across the country.

Psht, yeah. But across WHAT country? Canada?! Some of my farts have received support across CANADA. Let's see them receive donations and support from America, THEN I'll be impressed. Until then, I consider that to be an empty gesture.

The arson attack sparked outrage in Canada and prompted a fierce condemnation from Prime Minister Paul Martin. The incident was one of a series of attacks on Jewish targets in Canada and raised concerns about a rise in anti-Semitism.

I simply cannot believe that even in the 21st century this type of shit is still occurring. I mean, whatever happened to separation of church and state? How can certain Target's be “Jewish?” Do they offer potato pancakes as well as electronics at low low prices? I just can't see any chain store, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, OR Target being considered “Jewish,” “Christian,” or “Miscellaneous.” But that's just me, I'm sensitive like that.

In March, vandals knocked over dozens of tombstones in a Jewish cemetery in Toronto while someone sprayed swastikas on a synagogue in a separate incident.

You know, I KNEW you'd bring that up? Can't you just LET THAT GO, Toronto Reuters? March was like… A YEAR AGO! GET OVER IT!!