I hated the zoo when I was a child. Absolutely hated it. I hated seeing all the animals in cages, hated the fact that they were on display for our amusement, and hated the people who expected to actually see every animal regardless of the weather or time of day. It used to really get to me (and still does, a little). My friend Brian called recently and recanted the time, at the ripe young age of eight, that I expressed my feelings about zoos. He reminded me of something I had long forgotten.
I was crying, okay? We were on a school field trip and I was crying because I felt bad for all the animals. And the teacher tried to make me feel better about it. After I told her how I felt, and she finished spreading that bullshit about how the animals are better off than in the wild (to which, even at the age of eight, I refused to believe on the grounds of common sense), she said to me, “Look at that peacock. He’s not trapped. He gets to wander around the whole zoo. Not a care in the world…”
So I ran up and kicked him. Hard.
The peacock jumped up and made a few bird noises, but didn’t retaliate.
“Stupid fucking peacock,” I said, afterwards. “Making all the other animals jealous.”
The Zoo employee in charge of our tour, unlike the peacock, demonstrated her problems with my actions.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she yelled at me as she ran across the picnic area. “Did you just kick the peacock?”
“Stupid peacock,” I said. “Gets to go wherever the fuck he wants.”
“Come here,” she said, grabbing me by the arm.
I spent the rest of the field trip in a stuffy office.
After Brian finished reminding me of this slightly embarrassing moment, I asked him, “Why the fuck did you call me to tell me this?”
“Dude,” he said. “It’s not for nothing. I had to call five people to get your number. I’ve been reading your shit on the net, and I wanted to remind you about the little fucker that became you. You haven’t changed in the slightest. Back then, you couldn’t control your emotions, but I don’t think you’ve changed beyond that. Obviously, you wouldn’t cry or kick a peacock nowadays, but I’ll bet dollars to donuts, you still hate that peacock a little. You may be older and wiser and all that, but you’re still the same dumbass.”
I replied, “Fuck you. We’re grown up now. That was just little kid shit. We’ve all changed.”
And he agreed. And apologized for the call.
And I got to thinking…
I still kinda hate that peacock.