New Facebook is fucking creepy.”

So, how many times have you heard that in the past 24 hours? Awesome. Take a tally and write down the speaker. I’m copyrighting the expression and charging a fee. Of all the “get rich” schemes, this one possesses the genius of Paris Hilton…so you know it’s marketable. Copyrights are so hot right now.

Between collegians voicing their disapproval of “privacy violations” and Steve Irwin dying in a delicious (albeit tragic) blend of irony and coincidence, I’m at a loss for what to write about in this week’s column. It's just such a slow news week…

About the title: I just typed it so I could be the first to use it. Be on the lookout for t-shirts and a zeppelin sporting the title. Dirigibles are making a comeback.