Dave: So how you handling the breakup?
Me: I'm good. Gets easier every day and all that.
Dave: Yeah, you'll bounce back. It's not like you have all that many feelings.
Me: I do have some.
Dave: Yeah, but you sound like you just found that out.
Me: You're? you're probably right.
Jamie: You look good.
Me: Yeah, I've got no car so I've been walking a lot lately, getting some sun and all that. And the girl bailed so I have no ride and I've been kicking it back up in the gym.
Jamie: Well that's cool. Way to turn a negative into a positive.
Me: They can take my car and they can take my girl but they can't take my abs.
Jamie: Or your butt.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Jamie: Your abs suck compared to your butt.
Me: So, I should target the abs more?
Jamie: What do I care? I just like looking at your butt.
Me: Your husband is a lucky guy, you know that?
Jamie: I do. And most importantly, so does he.
Me: Make sure to tell him how jealous I am.
Jamie: Make sure to keep up with the squats.
Me: You're the best, Jamie.
Jamie: You're damn right.
James: How's your girlfriend?
Me: We broke up.
James: That sucks man. She's hot.
Me: Thanks James.
James: So what happened?
Me: What the fuck do you care?
James: I'm a caring person, Nate.
Me: Funny, I never noticed.
James: It's not that funny.
Tony: I been thinking about opening up an ice cream shop.
Bay: I been thinking about eating an ice cream bar.
Me: My thoughts have nothing to do with ice cream at this time.
Tony: Well then, feel free to leave.
Bay: Oh and dude, bring us back some ice cream?
Tim: So why'd y'all break up?
Me: I'm not really sure.
Tim: How's that?
Me: Well, she has her reasons but she didn't really figure them out until after the break up and I have what I think are the real reasons but she denies them but then again, she probably should, because they're pretty selfish reasons but in the end?
Tim: Dude, forget I asked.
Erica: And how's the girlfriend?
Me: We broke up.
Erica: Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Me: Why is everyone so sure about that?
Erica: Listen to you. Like it's so hard being good looking and charming. Why do you think? Come on, I'm sure you're vainer than that.
Me: You're right. I am.
Erica: There's that cocky, lopsided smile. You'll be yourself again in two, three weeks tops. Right back to sleeping with random women and forgetting their names, just like the Nate we all know and love.
Me: What's sad is, I think this conversation is actually helping.
Labels: snippets