I'm sitting at work, wondering how I can distinguish myself. I run through a list of options in my mind; working harder? No, that sounds like hard work. Working smarter? If I could work smarter, wouldn't I be doing it already? Bringing in delicious red velvet cupcakes? Not bad, but easily forgettable in the parade of pastries passed through the people of the office.

Then, it hit me. What impresses employers more than rap beef? Rap beef is as accesible as hamburger and as delicious as Kobe. 

But who? Who could I start a beef with?

Ah yes. Charles. Fellow intern. He's the perfect candidate, in that he sits close to me and (I don't believe) has the power to fire me. I was going to let him know about our rap beef, but I don't have his home email and I didn't see him in the break room. Well, lets hope he reads PIC!

Anyway, lets get to it. Here's a quick 16, basically off the top of my head (lets hope this beef catches on!):


Charles, I know you're confused like "what did I do?"

It wasn't even my choice to sit right by you!

Well I'm calling you out now, so no hidin'

You gonna live in the shadow of that new black guy like Joe Biden

I'm stir-crazy, you just stir coffee, you don't wanna see the fur fly

Stir shit up and get cooked up quicker than a stir-fry

Started out nice, flipped the script, yeah I spin words

And every intern that enters in turn gets interred

So step up if you got cojones, just know I'm a kick baller

I'm like 5 inches bigger than you — and I'm a lot taller

You'll see how much courage not going away takes

When you get sliced and served at work like going-away cake 

Make you wanna throw up, man I spit the shit raw

And beat up Chuck like Peptol Bismol

Everyone wishes you were me, lets see how the pressure sets

When everyone starts calling Charles Xavier like Professor X