My two year old niece called me out the other day on the lack of a girl friend which was a real ego smasher. I don't think she understands what relationships are, but it still hurt.

That's not my point though. On Friday a female offered me a hit of a bowl and I had to pass because I'm trying to get a new job.

"I'm ten days pot free," I explained to her. She called me a pussy almost instantly.

Because I was pretty tipsy at the time, I thought it would be a good idea to ride a sled down a flight of steps to prove my manliness to aforementioned female. So I put a bean bag at the bottom of the steps, took the sled to the top of the steps and away I went.

I felt glorious. I was flying at the speed of gravity, I was drinking a beer on the way down and people were cheering me on. I was on top of the world until I reached the bottom of it and collided with the bean bag chair.

Now I had planned on the bean bag chair breaking my fall, and not acting like a solid rock. So I hit this bag with full force and came to a dead stop. I had pulled the front of the sled back right before the bean bag because I though it would make my landing softer. So with a beer at my lips, I was catapulted forwards, came to a dead stop due to the angle I had hit at, and for a brief second I watched the beer depart from my hand because I was now moving backwards at the linoleum floor.

If you've ever been hit by a car, which I have, you know what I probably felt when I hit the ground. I felt every muscle in my body tighten reflexively to try to break my fall. I wasn't sure if the loud bang I heard was my head hitting the floor or my beer hitting the door in front of me, but it might have been a combination of both.

So I laid on the floor, the ceiling blurring out, and thought "I had better get a hand job for this." I didn't, because the severe case of whiplash I had received made me anti-social the rest of the night, so I just drank until I couldn't feel the pain in my neck and upper body.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is if a girl calls you a pussy, just let it slide like a drunk kid in a sled on a flight of stairs.