Today, I was invited to guest-teach two senior high school classes. (The topic was related to my job, so I knew what I was doing.) Here are some observations from my encounters.

Kids still sleep in class. Shocking, I know. I didn't bother waking any of them up though, because I remember how pissed off I used to get when teachers did that to me.

In my old high school, at least forty percent of the student body started the day stoned, so I kept looking into the eyes of these students, trying to figure out who was zooted. It's fun being a kid.

I started the first class off by asking if any of the kids had any questions. Here are the first three questions I heard:

1. “You a sports guy?”

2. “You finish your tourney bracket, yet?”

3. “Who do you have in the championship game?”

Clearly, high school students haven't changed much since I was there.

I'm still attractive to the 15-18 year, female demographic. This both delights and scares me to the same degree.

Kids are stupid about life. I don't care what they've seen or where they've been, they're still stupid. It's an experience thing.

No one believes in wearing a baseball cap the right way anymore.

Recently, laws were passed that require strict surveillance of all guest teachers in Florida. During my class, I said “damn” twice and almost felt the daggers from my supervisor's eyes.

I was as eager for the bell to ring as they were.

School bells are not now, nor have they been for a long time, actual bells. They are electrophonic whoops. Someone needs to change the name.

High school starts way too fucking early.

I go back tomorrow for my final lesson. This time, I'm bringing coffee.


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