This is my 404th post. Only sixteen more until number 420. Be sure to stock up.

How come fundamentalist Christians never seem to fundamentally forgive everyone? That just seems fundamentally fucked?

My friend Freckles is preparing to drive to Gainesville (home of UF) from his Tampa home at half time of tonight's NCAA Championship Game (UF vs Ohio St.) if Florida is up by a lot, just so he can get in on the partying. We truly live in great times.

One of these days, and I mean soon, someone's gonna find me drunk in a ditch, screaming about the rising cost of porno DVDs. It's only a matter of when.

Saddam Hussein is dead and there ain't a goddamn thing a Sunni can do about it. But seriously, how cool is it that people still get hanged in this great world of ours? I mean, to keep something that cheap, primitive and ultimately effective around for so long, well, that just screams class and echoes tradition. Gotta hand it to whoever did that (I don't read the news).

About twenty minutes ago, as I was returning from getting my Writing Beer (read: whatever's on sale), I almost ran over a girl in my apartment complex parking lot as I pulled my car into a parking spot. Or at least, that's what she accused me of (I'm pretty sure my car never got near her). She yelled at me to watch out then walked up my steps and knocked on my door.

“That's my door,” I said. “And I'm pretty sure I'm not home.”

Then, she tried to sell me a magazine subscription.

After I cried poor, we complemented each other on our appearances and I asked her to come by later for a beer. She said she'll “see if she can” which to me means, “no.”

You just can't beat apartment living. I mean, those kinds of subtle, random-stranger interactions almost never happen to homeowners. But of course, how would I know?

And finally, because logic and fluidity are leaving to get good seats at the bar, I leave you with the following, which I made my friend's six year old sing to me four times (she wrote it):

Just 'cause I'm not fat
And I'm not ugly
Doesn't mean that
I won the darn lottery.

Just 'cause I'm thin
And just 'cause I look good
Doesn't mean I own
The darn neighborhood.

I'm not fat.
I'm not ugly.
But I know that
I'm not lucky.

I'm just a girl
Happy as I can be
A very pretty girl
Just happy to be.

Sometimes, I'm really one hundred percent positive I don't know shit about anything, you know?

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