Did you know that they have a kickball league for adults? Two months ago I didn't know, either. I know now, though. If you haven't guessed, I joined a kickball league. Yea, you fucking heard me right, a kickball league. No, I'm not playing against third graders, either. Although, I could beat all their asses if I played them.

My roommate came to me about a month ago and asked me if I wanted to play in the league. There are two things you should never ask me.

1. Would you like to sleep with this woman?*
2. Would you like to play in a kickball league?

You can just assume my answer is a resounding “YES.”

First of all, I'm captain of my team, and I'm taking this seriously. My teams plan is to get drunk before, during, and after games. Fuck that. I'm not impairing my ability to play kickball. My team can drink, because I can't stop them from doing so, but I'll fucking bench every last one of the fuckers if they fuck up my chances of being crowned “Kickball League of America World Champions.”

I even went out and bought a new pair of soccer spikes and some wristbands so I can look like a total douche when I play. I plan on having an on base percentage of at least 1.000. I'm going to kick so much kickball ass it's going to be saweeeeeeeeeeet! League MVP, here I come!

I'll take pictures, and keep you updated on the season.

* the answer to this question can depend on how drunk I am, but it probably won't.

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