According to new research, “infomania” has a larger negative impact on your IQ than “marijuana.” In case your not familiar with it, marijuana is a green aromatic plant that some deviant young adults (and aging hippies) use to get “high.”

You're already familiar with marijuana? Oh, well, umm, infomania is this phenomenon where people become addicted to new forms of “constant-contact” technology like email, text messaging, IM's, MySpace comments, blogging, etc. That's right, as I am typing this, infomania is eating my brain. I hope it tastes good, infomania, because that's a little bit of cerebellum I could've used to keep from eating 10 Krispy Kreme donuts before going to sleep the last time I got high.

What's up with people who send MySpace comments that are actually more like personal notes? I see (and have gotten) shit like “Hey, call me later, I've got a really funny story,” or “Do you want to get lunch later?” It's like a new, accepted version of the reply-to-all feature on email.

Proclamation: Friendster is dead. (Where did you ever get the idiotic notion to introduce horoscopes Friendster?)

Voicemail is also pretty much dead. Please, if you're one of the friends I talk to on at least an every other day basis, DO NOT LEAVE ME A VOICEMAIL SAYING “CALL ME BACK.” My phone is post-1995. It has a missed call feature. I see that you called, and assume you probably wanted to talk. Unless you have a specific message, spare me the excessively unnecessary 3 minute total call time it takes to log in to voicemail, listen to 10,000 recordings and timestamps, listen to your unnecessary babbling, delete your unnecessary babbling, and hang up.

Ok, infomania says it's time for dessert!