I’ve been punched in the face many times in my life. Most of those times were from my ex-wife. But what finally got me into my first AA meeting, was then I got punched in the face for the first time by my son.

Shit it was my fault. I had awoken him and his girlfriend up at 3 in the morning when I purposely entered his room with a turned on vacuum cleaner in hand.

So there I was sitting in the this lame meeting. I promised my son I’d go. I met a woman there named Suzy. You know those people who smoke a lot and get those gross yellowish-brown stained fingers? Well her face looked that color; including her hair.

She came up to me at break and I guess because we had something in common: We both had broken noses. She asked what I do and I told her I drive rigs. I asked her what she does and she said “just tryin’ ta make it”. She was the type of woman who you didn’t want to look directly into her eyes without feeling sorry for this world.

After the meeting we went to this bar called Happy Trails. It should have been called Hell Sucks. We got so drunk that she took me into a female bathroom stall and tried to suck my dick. She couldn’t even unzip my pants before this fucking gorilla bouncer bursted in and yanked me out. Fucking juice monkey. These kids and their steriod rage. He slammed my head up against an already broken mirror. I would of pulled out my hunting knife and stabbed the fuck but I promised my son. Besides, I’ve heard stories about these juice monkeys. Say anything or fight back and you’re just giving them any excuse to drag your sorry ass into the back room where a bunch of them just stand around and beat the tar out of you. They gotta let out their rage somehow.

Suzy and I get into a taxi and head back to my place. Driving home in the taxi I remembered all the times in my youth, when my buddies and I would bail out on paying for the fare. We’d just all run in separate directions and within seconds be in some backyard where a taxi cab couldn’t access. Sometimes the dumb fuck would get out to chase us but these guys were old farts who sat around in a cab all day. We’d always out run them. I once heard of a kid getting caught. The cabbie had radio’d for a couple of his other cabbie buddies, and they narrowed in on the little turd. I heard they beat him into a coma.

Back at my place, my son was still up. He was watching South Park and smoking some pot. We joined him on the couch and took turns passing around a joint. Suzy hit the bong a couple times too. I was so fucked from the booze and the pot that I got dizzy. I went into the bathroom, puked all over myself and passed out on the floor.

I woke up the next morning and noticed Suzy’s shit was still here. Fucking slut fucked my son. His bedroom door was closed. I just hope he used a condom. Although, if he’s anything like his old man, he didn’t.

Well, time to get out the vacuum cleaner again.