Yello, Yuletiders!!

You might find references to some of your jolly scrobe's own personal favourite Seasonal Slaughterfests in the following merry little traditional carol that I just this moment made up to wish you all a Happy Holiday season…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and in his house in R'lyeh,

Cthulhu's arising was well underway;

CTHULHU (2008):

 The sorority girls were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that dead Agnes would finally be there;

BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974):

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While Santa plunged icicles right clean through their heads;

SANTA'S SLAY (2005):

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

And saw Chucky the doll reduce the Fat Guy to mash;

SEED OF CHUCKY (2004):

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

Like the huge fucking knife in the paw of Saint Nick,

which shone like the heavens as he gutted that chick;

 AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT (1980):

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand and began to relax,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with an axe;

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT
(1984):

 He was covered in blood, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with bile, lymph and soot;

A bundle of wire he had flung round her neck,

It's a shame TALES FROM THE CRYPT became unwatchable dreck;

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE (1989):

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

but he fed after Midnight, I saw it myself

A wee splash of water and a twist of his head,

and Gizmo was hundreds of gremlins instead;

GREMLINS (1985):

And when, in our madness, we took to the snows,

the craziest of us soon all went and froze:

 Cronenberg's RABID (1977):

 He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And though Bruce Willis' hair is like the down of a thistle.

I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

" Yipee-kay-yay, motherfuckers, and to all a Good Night!"

DIEHARD (1988):


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