Everyone's favorite PIC writer, Paul Frank, will soon be writing a weekly column called "Experimental Comedy." As part of the column-making process (nothing like childbirth, but something like raising a child), I ask new columnists to sum up their column in a short description. The result is this page full of them. You could think of it less as a description and more as some sort of guiding light.
The following are Paul's ideas for his description, and the feedback I've emailed him regarding each.
Do you like stuff? Me too! Let's explore stuff together!
Kind of forward for a reader/writer relationship (not everyone likes stuff). Also, a little too ambiguously sexual.
Game shows, interventions, and people in baby costumes. That's all. That's it.
Game shows are a bit overdone, don't you think?
There's some things on the internet that just have too much child porn in them. This is one of them.
Could be a hassle to fake all the releases. I'll have to check with legal.
Like Scott Goodyer's blog, but with less nudity.
So, like Scott Goodyer's blog, but less popular? Come on now, do you want to make it big or not?
Every column post is an episode script from Friends. Is this what you wanted, America, you dumb bastards?
An old script or a new script? The latter may prove to be popular, the former may prove to be slightly less popular than TBS.
The best thing that's happened to you since the Paul Frank Blog. And that's not saying alot.
True. Setting the bar low makes every jump a little easier.
I make fun of every single person in America one by one. Then the world.
Did you wanna do like, twice weekly or something?
An intimate look at the in's and out's and he said/she said's….of Simonne Cullen.
I'll have to dig up her address, but you're on to something.
I totally thought slavery was wrong, for the record.
You might be boxing yourself into a corner here.
Dark comedy, light comedy, and everything in between.
Perhaps a little hard for the blind to interpret. We're trying to be totally web compliant here.
Fluent in Pig Latin, Paul Frank burst from his momma's vagina ready to write comedy for the greedy, starving masses.
Change "greedy, starving masses" to "eedy-gray, arving-stay asses-may."
You'd think I'd know how to tie my shoes by the age of 19. But you'd be wrong.
Doesn't really imply that you know anything.
I've written a lot of descriptions in the past, and I have to say this one is the worst. Enjoy.
Doesn't provide a good starting point for comparing your weaknesses.
If you took Nate DeGraaf and Allison Parks and had them have a baby, I'd be the result. That has nothing to do with my comedy, but I just love thinking about that.
Unfortunately, Allison is incapable of bearing children. (Please keep this between you and me.)
Remember that time we went to that hypnotist and you totally embarrassed yourself? Don't worry, I won't bring it up in this column.
Funny, but always praise a man first before insulting his subconscious.
I don't think it's a good idea that you read this column. I think you need some help.
Reverse psychology, nice play. Save this one.
Why? Why are you reading this? There's much more important stuff to be read. May I suggest THE BIBLE, YOU SINNING PIECE OF SHIT? …God loves you.
Although it would be nice to cater to the religious crowd for once, we don't want to offend any atheists.
If you like Oprah, candy canes, Sex and the City, and feelings, then this is totally the right column for you!
Hahahaha, did you take an extra shot of estrogen today??
I love you. Not really, I just heard that once.
Doesn't satisfy the minimum word count requirement 🙁
I don't know if black people actually exist, or are just mythical creatures that no one has ever actually seen, but I do know a thing or two about a thing or two.
What is it with you and… philisophical intrigue?
Reading sucks SO much, but you might like it! If you do, feel free to read this.
Has a danger of attracting elementary school students to the site. You know what they say though, "Get 'em while they're young."
If my grandma can write for Points in Case, I can.
For the record, your grandma CAN write for Points in Case. I don't see the irony.
Do you think girls like me? You know, like girls in general? Or, like…Jenny?
Dude, did you just copy this off a note or something?
Sounds like you could use a little cunnilingus! Well you've come to the right guy!
Add the word "moist" or "taint" and this one's good to go.
"They gave this Jew a column?" I know, I know, but listen, I'm not Jewish.
Let's not flat-out lie to everyone.
In big, bold letters to help old people.
Change "people" to "farts" and you've got an old people AND a fart joke in one description. Very strong.
I think it's about politics or something. I'm not really sure.
Lacks confidence.
Outrageous and absurb comedy with no point other than to make you laugh.
Why did you put this one last?! WERE ALL THOSE OTHER ONES JUST FAKES??? Paul Frank, you're fired. I mean fried. Your my new fried friend. Next time not so much grease, the wheels are already in motion.