I keep a file on my computer called "Blog Bank." I'm sure many of you have the same thing – it's full of ideas for funny blog entries that I didn't feel like writing when I thought of them. Just kidding, your file is probably called "Blog Robbed." Right? Because you have all these great ideas all the time, but DAMNIT, SOMEBODY ALREADY TOOK THEM!
My Blog Bank hasn't been updated since March 12, 2008, according to my computer. I don't know if that means I've been following through on all my ideas lately or not writing enough. Fine, ideas graduated early this year and went on vacation.
But enough is enough. Some of this Blog Cash (that's what you keep in a Blog Bank) has been sitting around collecting 0% interest for over 2 years. After 2 years, the most you can do with an idea is maybe a few sentences and a punchline. So I'm going to start clearing out my savings account and spending some of this Blog Cash. Realize though, that inflation has taken its toll on these jokes, so many of them will hardly be worth their weight in words.
$$ Sometimes when people are speaking a foreign language near me, I like to pretend I can understand what they're saying. Like If I'm on the subway and two people are speaking French and giggling across from me, I'll kind of smile and chuckle along with them. I think it kind of keeps people in check. You can't have foreigners thinking they can get away with some sort of code language all the time.
$$ Whenever somebody asks me to take a group picture for them, I always take the picture on "Reeeady…." Not 1, 2 or 3, not "smile", but "ready." I haven't had a disappointed stranger yet.
$$ I called it like 3 years ago: there are now reality shows about reality shows. I don't even know where I saw it, but they have (had?) a show called The Springer Hustle, which is a reality show about the the making of Jerry Springer (a reality show, not a talk show, in case you were confused about how things work these days). In keeping with this ridiculous tradition of "getting realer," instead of another reality show about a celebrity family, I want to see a reality show about two celebrity parents having sex and raising a celebrity baby. Essentially, I want to see the making of a celebrity from birth. From the womb to the tomb, it don't get no realla than that.
$$ Do pop singers think of the perfect situations for cross-selling their music BEFORE writing their songs? Why else would we have ridiculous songs like "4 Minutes" by Madonna and Justin Timberlake where they set up a sea of moanfully ambiguous lyrics just to sell the line, "We only got 4 minutes to save the world! No hesitating, grab a boy, grab a girl, time is waiting." If you ask me, they were just waiting for whatever summer movie blockbuster had the perfect complementary thrilling action scene to use a soundbite from the song. And the winner is…. GET SMART!
$$ More straight blog cash money to come!