So yesterday I'm sitting in the family room bored out of my mind.
As I was flipping around on the tube, I couldn't help but think that I'm almost 30. Jesus christ man. Almost fucking 30. I also thought about what my dad was doing when he was thirty. He had a wife and already the first of three children. He had already spent 2 years in the army where he learned to fly fighter jets. He had already started up his own successful business with a partner where they manufactured chemical adhesives – A knowledge he learned with his bachelor of Science degree at University.
At this moment in thought, my sister and her boyfriend walked into the house. My sister is 25 years old and a flight attendant for United Airlines. Her boyfriend is the same age and is a manager at a tire repair shop. They greeted me and quickly rushed upstairs into her room.
‘Shit' I thought, ‘are they going to fuck?' Don't get me wrong, I personally didn't need to know…but Ninja Blackout did!
I quickly rushed into my room and put on my authentic ninja gear. I then went back downstairs and killed the power to the house. In pure blackness, I manuvered around as if the lights were on. I knew exactly where everything was, as this was part of my training I do on most Saturday nights.
Within exactly 27 steps that I knew it would take from the basement, I was at the foot of my sister's door. I cracked my neck and whispered to myself: “You only live once” and then I slowly opened the door…
The room was in almost darkness except for light coming in from the street lamp outside. Including me, everything in the room was slightly visable. But they didn't notice me as they were busy in bed. My sister was on top of her boyfriend and I tried real hard not to giggle. But I couldn't hold it any longer and I let out a laugh. My sister screamed and pulled the covers over her naked breasts. I laughed even harder at the sight of them. Her boyfriend got up and yelled “what the fuck!”. He then rushed over to me with a look on his face like he was going to beat the shit out of me.
So I quickly pretended to faint.
He ended up grabbing my leg and dragging me out of the room. I let him drag me, keeping my eyes closed the whole time…but I couldn't wipe the large smirk off my face. “Thats disgusting” my sister said. Then, like it was perfect timing…I let out a huge fart! Thats when I lost it and started laughing out loud. I lay on my back outside my sisters room as the boyfriend walked back in. “You're lucky buddy” he said to me as he slowly started to shut the door.
I looked up and we made eye contact just before the door was about to close…
“I'm.. sorry..” I said in a robotic tone, “but…I.. don't.. speak.. fag”.
And then he closed the door.